While this book does begin with Victoria recounting the early years of her father, John Joseph Gotti Jr.'s, life/read, I am personally beginning with after what we've ALL heard/read over the years, beginning with the courtship and wedding of John & Victoria Lorraine DiGiorgio. The wedding wasn't your typical lavish, over-the-top mob affair. At the time, John remained on poor terms with his in-laws and his own parents. John's relationship with Angelo Ruggerio had evolved into such a strong bond that they practically considered themselves brothers. In the fall of 1962, with Angelo and his wife, Marie, as witnesses, John & Victoria finally tied the knot. They had already been living together for a few years and their firstborn daughter, Angel, was born in 1961. This was during a time when it was really unforgivable. After all, John & Victoria had been together, and living on their own, since they were 16-years-old. The ceremony was merely a formality.
John turned to Danny Fatico and begged for work. He told Danny about the rent and the birth of his upcoming child. John was desperate and willing to do anything to make money. John was too proud for Fatico to pay his rent. At John's insistence, Danny helped John land a "job". Hijacking a load of goods; ladies dresses, from a truck delivery at J,F.K. Airport. Danny introduced John to the other members of "the team". The heist went of without a hitch. John was paid enough to pay the back rent and 2 months forward. There was also enough left over to buy a secondhand crib for his new baby. Easy money for easy work. . .or so it seemed. Until 2 detectives showed up a few days later, arresting John and leaving his very pregnant wife behind. John would soon be making as he called it, the biggest heist of his life. According to John, the biggest "score" he ever made was inside a hospital. As John made his way down the hall, he spotted the nurses station up ahead and came to an abrupt hault. He waited in the shadows until the nurses were busy and distracted. When the coast was clear, John made a beeline for the elevator doors.
John was headed back to the maternity ward. Having been there for hours basking in the glory common to new fathers. But when the hospital's bursar dropped by Victoria's room with the bill, the glory had subsided and John broke into a cold sweat, He was only 22-yrs-old and far too proud to admit he had no money for the hospital bill. When Victoria asked if the bill could be paid in installments and was told "no", John came up with a plan. He made his way to Victoria's bed, and stood there for a moment, watching her in her slumber. Victoria was COMPLETELY OUT OF IT. So out of it in fact that when hospital officials came around with their newborn daughter's birth certificate, asking for a name, Victoria thought they were asking for HER name and answered, "Victoria". Her name was supposed to be Kimberly. Instead she was named after her mother COMPLETELY BY ACCIDENT. John didn't want to disturb his exhausted wife; but time was of the essence. He pulled the blanket off of Victoria's feet and tickled her big toe to wake her. He whispers for her to get dressed and made his way to the nursery.
Victoria Gotti was born at the understaffed Methodist Hospital in Brooklyn on November 22, 1962. After John walked into the unguarded nursery, he scooped up Victoria and took off down a corridor. He made his way back to his wife's room and handed her their newborn daughter in a tightly wrapped bundle. John took his wife's arm and gently led her out of the room and out of the hospital doors. Leaving into a raging winter storm. John, whom was clutching his daughter into his arms, followed behind Angelo whom was helping Victoria down the front steps. A proven difficult 13 blocks through slush, snow and freezing rain.
John & Victoria were kids themselves when they married. When Victoria came along, being the second born, ALL John wanted was a son; an heir. He began to tell Victoria about her birth (and subsequent "kidnapping") when she was old enough to speak, never leaving one detail out. The story never veered; it was always the same. Victoria, as a baby, reminded John of a miniture Elizabeth Taylor. He couldn't wait to prance her up & down Prospect Park. Victoria was a spitting image of John. Not just in appearances but in personality as well. After arriving at a railroad flat on Eighth St., John placed Victoria in a lob-sided cradle and stood, staring and smiling, for over a half-hour. Years later, John instantly and forever during that walk in the snow. Victoria was the most lucrative and memorable heist of his life.
Two years later, John & Victoria had given birth again; this time to a boy. The heir to be named after his father. John Angelo Gotti was born on Febuary 14, 1964. John & Victoria would stress the romantic notion that John Jr.'s birth on Valentine's Day reflected their undying love. John Jr.'s arrival was a celebrated event both in the Gotti household and in the streets, where John Sr. was, by this time, climbing the ladder of leadership, at least among his crew. As a child, John Jr. was as ordinary as the boy next door. He was really grounded. From an early age, John was always the most popular boy in his grade. Other children gravitated toward him, vying for his attention & friendship. It wasn't without saying that this made it quite difficult to have any male friends; once they were introduced to John Jr., they chose his friendship over Victoria. Becoming a hinderance in their teen years. John could never let any friend of his get close to his big sister. Victoria learned 2 things that John, her brother, would do that took any interest in her would disappear; 1. He would befriend the guy, which permitted him access to John's posse of friends. 2. John would threaten the poor boy; telling him he couldn't have it both ways. Stay friends with him and ignore his sister or the alternative. Not surprisingly, they chose John. Victoria would often complain to their mother, sometimes to the point of crying; but John was her obvious favorite. He could do no wrong in her eyes.
It was during their teenage years that Victoria could come to resent John's obvious of his sister's life. For better or for worse, it was also that Victoria began to see signs of their dad's domineering personality arise within her brother. Their mother, Victoria, later gave birth to 2 more sons; Frankie & Peter, much to their delight. John doted on his children in different ways; playing up special traits from each of them. Angel had an easygoing personality and was always happy. John would affectionately call her "Sunshine" & "Miss Personality". As sisters, Angel & Victoria always got along. Angel was tough, just as she was sweet, especially when she came to being a protective big sister. When it came to Victoria, John was proud of how smart his daughter was. For his son, John, had leadership ability. Frankie had a love of sports. For Peter, it was his sensitivity.
Frankie was born October 15, 1967. John was thrilled for a 2ND son. Frankie Boy was a sweet, kind, and giving child. John & Frankie Boy were close in age and got along well. John would take Frankie along on outings with his friends or to local neighborhood events. Frankie loved sports; especially football, above anything in life. Due to his huskiness, Frankie was so determined to lose weight at a young age because he'd feared he wouldn't be able to play sports when he got older. By the early '70s, John & Victoria had a house full of kids and were, by their standards, living the "American dream", whilst not getting the easy road to get there. From the time they were able to walk & talk, John & Victoria taught their children to look out for one another; Blood is thicker than water was instilled into all of them. They were ALL each other had especially when John went to jail.
John was an accomplished man. His behavior was something difficult to explain. He was certainly compelled to perform acts of generosity. But, he also craved power, and the way to gain power over someone is to perform favors on their behalf. His daughter, Victoria, was 2-yrs-old when she realized that John was not like other dads. John repeatedly tried in vain to find a legitimate business opportunity; not so much due to the ethical problems being in the Mafia, but trying to please his wife and support his family with a sense of security. John considered different opportunities, but not many lied around that was respectable in their environment. In addition to lacking an education, John had no particular skills or trade. To be fair, John wasn't taught professional skills. He tried to hide from his children the fact that he didn't have a conventional job. There were various fabrications from which John actually did. His most popular was the powerful head of a local construction company.
Victoria, herself, was fascinated with creativity - more specifically building things from scratch. She was quite impressionable and for the most part believed anything John told his daughter. It never occurred to her to ask questions. It came as no surprise that John was considered the Pied Piper of the neighborhood. He was incredibly charismatic. Everyone, from the ladies to law enforcement were captivated and mesmerized by John. His old-fashioned charm and sex appeal made him the most attractive.
Victoria doesn't remember her father going away; and years later, she came to believe his absence was unwilling/unable to face his family. Victoria was only 7-yrs-old when she learned her dad was in jail. Up until this point, their parents tried to shield their children from John's reality. The judge took John's juvenile record into consideration and his unthreatening rap sheet, which consisted of mostly low-level non-violent crimes. He was also married with young children to support. Over the next few years, John began to amass a far more impressive resume. He never would accept a dime from anyone.
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| Not enough money |
On a rainy morning, Victoria went to school with the assignment, an essay on who her hero was. They were expected to read them in front of the class. Victoria was beyond terrified. She tried to get out of the speech with an upset stomach lie. No dice. Being painfully shy was one of Victoria's shortcomings. She began to divulge her as the hero in the story being her father. While regaling her story, she is rudely and outwardly humiliated by the class outed by the truth of her father's lifestyle. She was devastated and heartbroken. She couldn't move or speak. A million questions raced through her head. Victoria was frozen. She was truly embarrassed at being outed of her unknown lie to her. To worsen matters, the puddles under Victoria's feet were subdued for outlandish ridicule from the teacher. She was then ordered to clean up her mess from the floor with the mop as children pointed and laughed.
In a private corner alone in the courtyard, Victoria hid from the other kids/cried. When she got home, Victoria's actions were sensed from their mother. She could tell something was off with her daughter. Victoria told her mother every last detail of her upset. Her mother then cried tears as her daughter explained the truth of John's prison term to her. Sometimes the truth isn't always the best way. It can hurt worse. Their mother was right. Victoria was truly too young to understand. She was upset and embarrassed that her father was in jail. She tried to hide her denial and was convinced it was all a mistake. Victoria became withdrawn and anxious.
Victoria may have been young when John went to Lewisburg, but she can visibly remember their monthly visits. There was a rhythm to it. Despite the noise and interaction of family, the prison was a terrible place. Even though Victoria was just a child, she could still identify those from hardened criminals to down-on-your-luck family men. John was not very fond of body work/tattoos. He only had one on the back of his shoulder. It was a reminder of an earlier prison stint. A stupid thing to do. For a child, these prison visits were grueling. Victoria remembers watching her mother and genuinely feeling sorry for her. John would never allow his wife to take part in the rituals of prison that you would see prison wives would see in films due to the risk being substantial. Remember, these wives didn't have to bring and smuggle. Other than that, jail is depressing. Prison is still prison.
When John went to prison, each month his wife and her sister, Aunt Marie, shoved baggage and kids into a 3-to-4 hr drive to Pennsylvania. John was self-conscious about being a high school dropout. He was determined to use his time in prison to become a well-read, well-educated man. John was a man with underlying support for the underdog. If there was one thing John hated, it was selfishness. It reminded him of memories of his past. In the years that John was at Lewisburg, the inmates grew to like and respect him so much. Just before John left the prison in 1972, they threw a big "farewell" bash in John's honor. When he was in Lewisburg, Victoria was on her way to graduating the 6TH grade. Various awards were given, including Victoria, one being given to her by the ENTIRE district. Family attendance showed PRIDE in the loudest form, including John, who was standing in the back of the auditorium. Beaming a smile from ear-to-ear.
The following few years with John home were an actual blessing and godsend. Things began to change quickly, for the better. They soon owned their own home in Brooklyn. Aside from that, they had a shiny new Lincoln Continental parked in their driveway. Their newfound lifestyle was the reward of John's moving up in "the life". Gifted from his then boss, Carlo Gambino. Though John was pardoned in 1972, John's life outside didn't last long. When he returned to the streets, John was given a promotion. He was chosen to be acting captain.
The monthly visits to see John in prison weren't a walk in the park. They were stuffed into a broken-down, dilapidated old Buick. When they arrived, it was more of a family picnic or a family gathering than a family visit. To this day, Some visits did have lingering nightmares for Victoria. The day John came home from Green Haven in 1975, Victoria and her sister, Angel, were going to a friend's birthday party. They often shared uncles of friends, so that leads to the same parties. When Victoria arrived home, John & their mother went out to dinner to celebrate John's release. Of course, Victoria was assigned to babysit. She protested. John, being a pushover, gave his daughter her way. He agreed to her presence at the party, providing she came home at a reasonable hour. Victoria was to be home at 10P SHARP! John was PISSED! when his daughter came stumbling in the house later that night . . .so drunk she could barely walk.
Victoria had her first foray into alcohol with beer with 4-in-tow. Having heard of John's release, friends were frightful to drop Victoria off at the house in front. Instead, they let Victoria out of the car and John seen his daughter stumble down the block like a drunken sailor. When John was 10ft or so from her, she could SEE the rage and confusion in her father's eyes. It was nearly 10:30P, and their mother was upset that Victoria was late. Being her parents, the 2 of them waited pacing for 30 minutes. That was her first mistake. Victoria blew it BIG TIME! When their mother saw Victoria wobbling, their mother began to scream at her. She then proceeded to throw her daughter into the shower to soak the alcohol out of her system. They never did go to dinner that night. The next day, with Victoria having a hangover, John had seen his daughter was punished enough. They never discussed this incident again.
John was released from Green Haven around the time Victoria was tuning 16; making the celebration even bigger. A party was held at a well-known and very elegant wedding hall. John was rising in the ranks. Carlo Gambino died several months earlier, and Paul Castellano, his brother-in-law, was now head of the Gambino crime family. The night of Victoria's Sweet 16, it was obvious to her and many others that JOhn Gotti went to prison a powerful force and came out even more powerful. He was determined to give his children everything he never had during their upbringing. Her brother, John, was always there to elevate his sisters from embarrassment. There was always an unspoken camaraderie between all of the Gotti kids: always be there for one another, in good or bad. No matter what. Blood is thicker than water.
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| Sister & Brother |
Little did Victoria know that Carmine came with a checkered past. Aside from running the biggest auto parts yard in Queens, it was heavily rumored that Carmine participated in "insurance jobs". This was something John heard about his future former son-in-law from associates of his. When Victoria would question Carmine, his answers made sense for the time. Claiming truth was a source of rumor. Victoria claimed that she was completely young and stupid. She waited to believe him. John issued his daughter a stern & firm warning: She was never to see or even speak to Carmine Agnello ever again. John hoped his daughter would marry up/better. Victoria wasn't head-over-heels in love with Carmine, but she seen it as an opportunity to rebel against her dad for the first time in her life.
Coincidentally, Carmine was robbed, beaten, and nearly killed a few months later. It was a robbery of his auto parks store when he was attacked by a group of young men. Immediately, the neighborhood began gossiping about how John was responsible for the attack. This was completely untrue. It was everything to do with an ex-girlfriend. . .completely unrelated to Victoria and her dad. For 2 years, Victoria & Carmine continued to see each other behind John's back. There was something no other guy would ever do when it came to John Gotti. The fact that someone would risk their lives to date John Gotti's daughter. The night before Victoria's 18TH birthday, John asked what she wanted as a gift.
Victoria asked for permission to date Carmine. Once again, John refused. Victoria was emotionally fragile well into the night and blew off her 18TH birthday party, which was being hosted by one of John's associates, Ruggerio's. John was livid, as well as her mother. Victoria Sr. had a soft spot for Carmine and truly hoped John would grant permission for them to date. At her mother's insistence, Carmine went to see John a few hours prior to the birthday dinner. They were tired of going behind John's back. They decided Carmine would approach his girlfriend's father one last time If John declined, Victoria & Carmine would end it.
Victoria grew up in a very strict customized Italian culture. Being an ambitious young woman, she wanted more - a formal education and even a career. Unfortunately, Victoria's plans were derailed when she learned that she was suffering from dysplasia. But, Victoria was only 18, a student at St. John's University and still a virgin when she was first diagnosed. Her female lady month became longer than expected and she became anemic. There was nothing until the blood was stopped. She was forced to undergo testing and have invasive biopsies. The results weren't as expected. A week later, Victoria and her mom were summoned for the news. Victoria was categorized as "moderate-to-severe". She was given a very good chance of needing a hysterectomy before the age of 25. Victoria soon became despndant. She desperately wanted children.
After going through treatment plans, nothing sounded appealing to her, and Victoria was still worried about a hysterectomy and the prospect of children. She wanted the same as every young girl at that age. A Prince Charming dream of family and children. She also wanted a career as well. At that moment, Victoria sat straight ahead. Pretending to be listening. All she could think of was the loss of future plans ahead. The doctor's words left her speechless. What she could hear was the sooner, the better for a better possibility for children.
Victoria had been courting Carmine for nearly 3 years up to this point and had been discussing engagement. She even knew Carmine was shopping for a diamond. Sitting behind her mother, Victoria blocked out what was said. She had a lot to think about. Aside from marriage, education was very important to her. She waited to study law and write legal thrillers. It only took one class in General Justice to solidify her decision. Due to skipping senior year, Victoria was barely 17 when she began college. John was thrilled with his daughter's interest in law, and the fact that Victoria wanted to be a writer, but Carmine wasn't as excited. It was a complete threat and insecurity to Carmine's ego. He gave her an ultimatum: Marriage or law school. As fate would have it, Carmine got his wish.
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| Victoria and Carmine |
Every one in the family grew up with nicknames, some that were downright insulting to a teenage girl. In her home, Victoria was called "Vicky Body" and "Brick House" due to a female growing endowment and her becoming really self-conscious and trying to minimize what was truly there. She was usually up at 7A to be ready for class. After her usual shower, Victoria found a lump in her left breast. She caught a bus and was wearly an hour late for her first class. She stressed over this lump's possibilities for 3 weeks. She didn't tell anyone. She went through daily life ignoring reality. But, it never went away. Nor did it worsen or better. . .
Victoria somewhat remembers vaguely being subdued on the operating table and the physical procedure itself, mainly the pain and her own screams. Her mother was at her daughter's side, holding her hand. Difficultly arose due to being strapped to a gurney. She finally passed out from the doctor and was issued Valium. After the procedure, Victoria was hospitalized for a few days. It was later determined by a breast specialist that she was at a start for breast disease, something apparently that ran genetically on her mother's side. John was truly pissed and upset at the status of his baby girl. With each passing day, John worried about his baby. He couldn't bear to lose another child. Frankie's death had a profound effect that permanently changed him. He hovered over his baby girl. Everywhere she went/did - there he was. In her business. It drove her insanely nuts. She couldn't wait to get married and move away from home and the constant nag of parenting.
Growing up in the household they did, a woman's reputation was held as sacred. John believed that a woman's virtue was held as her "greatest asset, only to be given to the right man". John instilled these values into his daughters at a young age. So, Victoria practiced what she was taught and saved herself for a future husband. She was 18 and engaged when she lost her virginity to Carmine. Unfortunately for Victoria, she became pregnant less than a year prior to the wedding. Being dumb, she believed it wouldn't happen to her. She walked around completely numb. She bought 10 O-T-C pregnancy tests. Each time a pink line appeared, Victoria convinced herself it was a mistake. But, her body was already going through noticeable changes, physically. She could no longer focus on her studies. Even distancing herself from friends and family. Her mother was in no condition for help/aid with the loss of her brother, Frankie 2-yrs prior. Victoria was completely lost. The only person she told was Carmine; who, of course, flipped out.
Even though the wedding was already planned, Victoria couldn't bring herself to tell her dad about the emergency. She imagined every worst scenario; from a father's perspective to a daughter terrified. She went home from the ob-gyn's office thinking the worst post-appt. She had to slap herself in the face to avoid mental anguish. Victoria went about doing her regular chores of setting the table, helping to get dinner served, and cleaning up the dishes. Later that night, a deep wave of nausea HIT Victoria. She ran for the bathroom and threw up. While hugging the bowl, she passed out. Her mother found her daughter on the bathroom floor after picking the lock with a knife. Her mother called Victoria's dad and Carmine letting them know she was being taken to the emergency room. Carmine was nervously pacing in the waiting room. After various testing, the intern returned with the results of Victoria's pregnancy. Her mother was shocked. . .to say the least. She feared telling her dad so she convinced to have a stomach virus, perhaps food poisoning. By the time John arrived, Victoria was ready to be released. 3 Hours Later, after tossing and turning, she woke up and went to the bathroom, turned on the light, and seen her growing stomach. When Victoria peed bright red, she yelled for her mother.
Mother and daughter snuck like 2 thieves in the night without John knowing and Victoria's mother rushed her back to the hospital. The doctor determined it was an eptopic pregnancy. Due to bleeding internally, Victoria needed emergency surgery. Her mother signed consent and called Carmine. He was the first person she saw in post-waking up. Carmine and her mother were utterly crying and exhausted. The surgery and procured an even more difficulty to have children. When she awoke, the doctor came to see Victoria, whom informed her of encountered heart trouble including low BP and arrithymia. Victoria needed to undergo some testing. After 3 days of cardiac testing, Victoria was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy. Something she contracted due to dental cleaning years prior.
The dentist was not aware that Victoria was born with a condition called MVP (Mitral Valve Prolapse) and was put on cardiac medications to strengthen the condition of her heart. This put fear into her parents. After what they'd previously lived through, Victoria worried about their well-being. Her mother cried, while her dad kept his sorrow bottled up. He stood stoically as the doctor told him his daughter may need more medication and it could affect her quality of life. Her mom tried to get her daughter to see the blessing in disguise. She was right. It spared alot more than heartbreak.
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| Angel and John |
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| St. Mary Gate Of Heaven |
Victoria felt uncomfortable with the opulence that John provided for his daughter's wedding, being stared at by thousands of onlookers as flashbulbs popped. When they arrived, there were people everywhere. Her body was wracked with nerves and her mind was racing with thoughts of fleeing. The ceremony was scheduled to begin promptly at 12:30P, but the groom and his family hadn't arrived yet. John's face was stiff as a stone and his eyes were glaring. He was pissed at Carmine's tardiness. As tears welled in his daughter's eyes, a tow truck arrived carrying the Angello family. The fleet of limos had never arrived. When they realized it was pretty late, they had the sense to jump in their own vehicles and make their way to the church.
As Victoria got out of the car, disaster #2 occurred. Her designer gown split down the back. The zipper itself had busted. Angel shoved her sister back in the car and dried her tears with a Kleenex. Meanwhile, their dad sent one of his men scrambling for a seamstress - FAST! In less than 5 minutes, Victoria was ready to go!, but not before being issued a stern warning. She was so grateful as her dress was fixed, she cried tears of joy! The momentum and what was approaching was a moment that Victoria will NEVER FORGET. John turned to his baby girl with a look of sincerity and eyes filled with tears assuring her she didn't have to go through with it and turn the occasion into an elaborate Christmas party. Victoria was truly tempted - many signs told her to "Run Bitch". But, she just bit the bullet, kissed her dad on the cheek, told him she loved him and they walked down the aisle.
There was a moment where Victoria had to break into laughter. Maybe it was the champagne, or just feeling flattered, one of the unthinkable things happened. One of her brothers, John's, friends, who had a reputation as a womanizer. The moment their eyes met, they stood face-to-face, eyes looking and both hands on both hips. After staring at one another, Victoria wasn't sure why he was standing and watching her so closely. In one swoop, he grabbed her around her waist and quietly flirted with her. Next thing she knew, he kissed her long and hard on the mouth. Victoria was truly stunned. She pushed him away and took a step back. It was clear he'd had a lot to drink. She convinced herself it was of sheer stupidity. The wedding went off without a further hitch and truly was the event of the season. It was all anyone could talk about for weeks to come.
Meanwhile, Victoria and Carmine spent their honeymoon between Alcapulco and Las Vegas at the Las Brisas Resort and the MGM Grand. At the end of every day, John called to check in on his daughter and son-in-law. He was pleased with their enjoyment. Later on, the newlyweds took in their surrounding environment with Carmine going to the casino to gamble while Victoria beelined to the elusive shops in the lobby. Once they reunited in the room, they each saw the financial damage the other had done. Carmine had lost $17,000, Victoria nearly collapsed. They didn't have enough money for breakfast the next morning. She was sick with worry. Carmine begged Victoria not to call her father, so she called her brother, John instead. He tried to calm his sister down, and promised to wire them some money to get them through the rest of the trip. Then, he warned his sister to keep Carmine away from the tables.
The next day, John showed up with money in hand for the couple. Victoria was extremely surprised to see her brother staring at her. Later that night, the newlyweds had dinner plans, so John took off for the casino. By the time Victoria was out of the shower, Carmine had left the suite and followed suit of his brother-in-law. Victoria was so furious. She waited for over an hour 1/2. When they finally returned, he had the same look of dread as when he lost the money. It didn't take her long to realize their cushion money was gone. This time, she let everyone know how truly pissed she was. Letting everyone have it. Victoria slammed the door in their faces and cried herself to sleep.
The next morning, Victoria wasn't supposed to learn that her brother had caught an early flight return to New York. He didn't even say goodbye. John was that embarrassed. Victoria & Carmine fought on the return flight to New York. She wouldn't even sit next to him on the plane. She had the airline change her seat on the opposite side of the aircraft. When they landed, Victoria returned to her parents house. It was that night Victoria realized she'd definitely made a mistake by marrying Carmine Agnello.
Victoria will never forget the look on her dad's face when she announced her pregnancy. His mask was one of excitement and fear. He was thrilled with the idea of a 2ND grandchild on the way. Angel was due for her child in June. Victoria was due in August. John was worried about his daughter's pregnancy and her heart condition. It was somewhat reminiscent of a Steel Magnolias situation. Their mother went on to tell John all about the film. The pregnancy really pushed John's fear into high gear. For the first time in weeks, Victoria was over-the-moon with joy. She truly wanted this baby. Ever since the doctor mentioned that Victoria may not have children, it even more incensed her desire for motherhood.
The pregnancy did not go well. Even though the doctor watched Victoria like a hawk with one appointment right after the other. When she began spotting, she was ordered to bed for the remainder of her pregnancy. Six months into her pregnancy, after being hospitalized for a battery of tests, Victoria was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and her cardiologist was called in. This pregnancy was soon becoming too much of a strain on Victoria's heart. She was in/out of the hospital for a month. Only to continue to remain bedridden. Victoria continued to go downhill into an awful outcome.
Victoria turned a white cotton blanket swaddling the baby over to one side and noticed her brand-new baby girl was lying completely still. The tips of her lips were blue and skin was a pasty gray. It was only then that Victoria realized her newborn baby girl was dead. She began screaming so loudly the entire nursing staff came into her room. She was crying and shaking with grief. One nurse wondered why the patient was told of updated progress. What Victoria felt and went through, no parent should ever have to live through. A sorrowful nurse felt guilty that Victoria was never told of the loss of her baby girl.
A few minutes later, John showed up looking both disheveled and anxious. He looked as though he hadn't slept. John was in the waiting lounge waiting for his baby girl to wake up. One of the nurses had the foresight to give John a heads-up of what happened to Victoria and the baby. When he arrived in Victoria's room, John nearly broke emotionally. Before speaking to his daughter, John tried to get information on his own. As he sat down on the bed, John delivered the devastating news to his daughter that the baby didn't make it.
John explained that he understood his daughter's grief. Her right to be angry. He insisted that she get back to the REAL world - but, she just couldn't. The following week, John arranged for an infertility specialist from Boston to meet them at the hospital. His diagnosis was something Victoria was not prepared to hear. The delivery was one that damaged Victoria's reproductive organs. She was told that her chances of carrying a baby to term was slim-to-none. Victoria was devastated. She and Carmine ran from the doctor's office emotionally distraught. Carmine decided to take Victoria to her parents house. When she got there, Victoria emotionally broke down in front of her parents. They too were crushed. Her mother later admitted to crying herself to sleep. Begging God to give her daughter a child. The following week, John insisted that Carmine take his daughter on a cruise. He believed that Victoria needed a rest from what life threw at them.
After spending a week in the Caribbean, it may not have swayed Victoria's depressive mind. At this point, Victoria was so unbelievably sick with grief. She couldn't eat or keep anything down. The day they returned from the cruise, Victoria's mother took her daughter to the doctor; where they ran some tests. The doctor could barely contain her excitement. Returning to the exam room with a piece of paper in hand. Announcing Victoria was indeed pregnant.
It was 1985. The name John Gotti was on every lip of the OCTF (Organized Crime Task Force). Reporters devoted their time to portraying John as a "modern day Robin Hood". Pro athletes seemed enamored by John Gotti. When Victoria would often go to sporting events, they would come off the field just to meet her; sometimes asking about her dad. The team of the Oakland A's; as did actors Tony Danza and Mike Tyson. Even Elizabeth Taylor met John in a restaurant. Robert De Niro and Sylvester Stallone each wanted to do a film about John. Despite the attention, John was not impressed with celebrities. Life for the Gotti family was soon becoming a drastic situation. Gone were the days of privacy and calm. Everything a Gotti did was scrutinized and magnified in the press. John was involved in a case where he was charged with felony assault and theft; but was released on bail. He had returned home later that night and went to bed.
The first case that came out was for a RICO case for John. Meanwhile, one day after his trial began, Victoria went into labor. Her water broke awaiting the news at her parents house. At first, Victoria thought she pissed her pants. So, she ran to the bathroom, flushed with embarrassment. When the painful contractions began, everyone went into full panic. The baby arrived a month early and everyone feared the worst. When Victoria arrived at the hospital, there was a full staff waiting. Victoria's sister, Angel, arrived with Carmine to offer her support and calm her fears. During the 14hr labor, Angel kept her sister distracted from the contractions and hospital drama. At one point. Angel made her sister laugh so hard, Victoria truly did piss her pants. After leaving the courthouse, John raced to be at his daughter's side. 9 hours later, Victoria gave birth to a healthy baby boy. A mere 5LBS. John & Carmine were both estatic.
John stayed at the hospital, just staring at his new grandson for damn near 12 hours. Coming to visit and stay for the next few days. John stayed and was in such a good mood, he ordered dinner from the finest restaurants within the surrounding areas in Manhattan for the entire hospital staff. There were enough flowers that arrived that filled 2 hospital rooms. Everyone wanted to congratulate John Gotti on the birth of his second grandson. It wasn't until a few days later that Victoria learned that the premature birth resulted in a severe left eye and left foot deformity. The pediatrician came by to examine the baby, and the point where problems arose, the doctor sent for appropriate testing.
It was during this time that Victoria found out she was pregnant again, when Carmine was 2-months old. Victoria delivered another baby boy on May 5, 1987. A robust, 7LBS with swollen cheeks. John took one look at his grandson and immediately took to calling him "Chipmunk". He was appropriately named after her dad, John Gotti Agnello. Not only did he take after John, they shared similar personalities. An independent, easy-to-please baby. Exhibiting leadership qualities and looked out for his older brother, Carmine. And the family itself was still growing. John Gotti couldn't be happier.
Around Christmas Eve, 1988, Victoria's brother, John, was to be re-born and inducted into La Cosa Nostra life. His goal was to have achievements as a made man. Victoria Sr. had no idea that her son, John Jr., was granted formal entry into the family. . .and neither did her sister, Victoria. In July 1989. Victoria found out she was pregnant again - another boy. Frank Gotti Agnello was born on April 12, 1990. Victoria remembers the doctor looking up at her after his birth and saying "How do you feel about the phrase 'My Three Sons"? Victoria was beyond excited. John was hands on for the delivery due to a health warning that the baby was RH-negative. To avoid another disaster, a blood transfusion was ready; if necessary. Victoria matched with her dad, and therefore John could donate to save his newborn grandson. Thankfully, it wasn't. But, it was PRICELESS to see what John Gotti would do if needed. He was so incredibly nervous that he downed 3 martinis. Bu, John's anxiety disappeared when he seen his grandson. He was named Frankie, after Victoria's deceased brother. John immediately referred to his new grandson as "Cochese"!
What John tended to important matters with his professional family, certain events plagued his personal one. Victoria's oldest son, Carmine, was rushed to the hospital following winter. Carmine and John both had strep throat.John recouperated after a week, while Carmine only got worse. One night, after Carmine was waking up with a 104* fever and beginning to convulse, Victoria called an ambulance. Carmine was diagnosed with septecemia, blood poisoning that traveled to the heart. He was only 4-yrs-old and doctors told what could be his demise. Jim Henson, of Sesame Street, died of the exact same thing. John had business to tend to in Miami, but kept abreast of his grandson. He even turned the car around and raced back to New York. Early the next morning, John arrived at the hospital in the same suit and clothes as before. John was kept word of news on his grandson. He was worried and worn down. When John laid eyes on his grandson, his heart nearly broke. The doctor told John the next 12 hours were critical, and there was a good chance Carmine would die.
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| John & Sammy |
Within a few days, Victoria received a phone call from her literary agent - after
6 rejections, her first novel, The Senator's Daughter was going to be published.
It was no easy feat. Everyone, every publisher, wanted a Tell-All Gotti memoir. Finally, Victoria had the brilliant idea of sending the manuscript under her married name - Agnello, where she never used it legally. And it worked! She couldn't wait to tell her dad. Due to the recordings in the jail, it was truly difficult to talk to her dad, but they made the best of it.Victoria began to regale stories of her and the boys visiting her dad/their grandfather in prison.
6 rejections, her first novel, The Senator's Daughter was going to be published.
Adjusting to life with John in prison was difficult. Victoria's brother, John, was left with the majority of heavylifting upon his shoulders. John tried his best to keep all the balls in the air, but sooner or later . . . the balls began to drop. The large portion of the family finances rested on John. He was left with the responsibility of managing whatever fortune their dad had before leaving for Marion, IN.
As a daughter, adjusting to life with John away at a prison was difficult, to say the least. Victoria's brother, John, tried hard to fill their father's shoes - not just in the streets. The situations happening everywhere weighed heavily on everyone. Certain obligations/responsibilities fell heavily upon the oldest son, John. He tried to keep all his balls in the air. but sooner-or-later things began to fall through the cracks. One of John's biggest responsibilities was handling the family finances. Although Victoria didn't know it, but John was left with the responsibility of managing whatever fortune their dad had left behind prior to going to Marion. The amount was reported to be $200 million by the tabloids, which was a complete fabrication. John's personal stash was realistically around $12 million. He was very generous with his money all around. Victoria was too proud to ask her parents for a penny, or the fact that she has always been independent and supported herself. She even refused a car at the age of 17. Victoria lived the meaning of 'Miss Independent'.
Many doctors gave their opinion; but all Victoria wanted was to be left alone. As she lay in bed; all Victoria could do was think of her daughter, Justine; the daughter she buried; and her 3 beautiful sons. Victoria tried to keep her world dark and shut out. She tried and overly prayed for God to make the decision for her. If Victoria should miscarry, it would be of God's Will. But, to willingly abort was out of the question. The medical results stated that the pregnancy was putting strain on her already weakened heart. After an EKG, her cardiologist told her a defibrilator was needed to prevent sudden cardiac arrest. In hopes of keeping a wanted baby, Victoria was hoping for a miracle. During this time, Victoria and Carmine were having marital trouble; fighting daily and constant. The littlest things became the biggest issues. Carmine spent less time at home and more time at the office. Victoria was left to raise her 3 boys on her own. Even with time off, Carmine found excuses to not be with his sons. Victoria believed, like a dumbass, that a baby would reunite a family.
One major problem was on the rise: Due to the procedure being done elsewhere, and the strict abortion ban, doctor's at St. Francis could do little to help her. Their hands were politically tied. There was little time to air lift Victoria back to Long Island Jewish Medical Center. The situation was getting more critical and a decision had to be made. Victoria was shuttled to the emergency room; where an emergency D&C was performed. The abortion itself was medically incomplete and was causing internal bleeding. Due to the legalities involved, Victoria was unable to be medically induced. So, she felt every bit of the procedure/scraping of the scalpel. When she came to, it was over and Victoria was alive! After being transferred back to her room, Victoria slept for 3 days straight. Victoria was released 3 days later. She still wasn't strong enough for the heart surgery. Instead, she was sent home in an external defibrillator. An RN accompanied her, Carmine and the boys home. Spending nearly 2 hours teaching everyone how to use it in case of an emergency!
It took Victoria nearly 3 weeks to recover out of bed. She heard from her dad one month to the day of the post-op. John felt so guilty from a father watching his daughter's situation. The following week, John sent his daughter a card that she still keeps to this day in her home office. The card was inscribed:
Beauty belongs with beauty.
Six weeks after the abortion, doctors deemed Victoria well enough to go through with the necessary cardiac surgery. The decision was a godsend, as though Victoria was unable to leave the house without the defibrilator in case something were to happen. After the implantation, Victoria remained in the hospital under observation for a week. After another 6 weeks to convalasce, Victoria was back to normal. Within 2 months, she was able to travel. As soon as she could, Victoria went to visit her dad. John wanted to know/see of his daughter's whereabouts. Victoria and the boys were about to walk out the door, when the phone rang. Victoria almost didn't answer and let it go; but she didn't. Something told her to answer. It was her dad. Although, it wasn't a regular scheduled call. He asked about his grandsons - twice and immediately Victoria sensed something was wrong. It was then that John dropped a bomb.
John confessed that he had cancer. Victoria couldn't move. She couldn't speak. After mentally collecting herself, she began to ask questions. John had had a sore throat for months. His last previous conversational visits, John's voice was hoarse. After speaking to the prison doctors, they thought he had a persistent case of strep throat. They kept prescribing him antibiotics. A week later, John told his doctors he felt a lump in his throat. The doctors suggested it could be E. Coli. John was prescribed another round of antibiotics, something stronger. A few weeks later, when John could no longer swallow his food, the prison doctors ordered an endoscopy. The ordeal/results lasted 3 weeks. The entire process took 6 months from the onset of the sore throat before a diagnosis. He waited for an official result to tell family; especially on Victoria's birthday. But, due to John's once-a-month phone call restriction, he feared his family would find out in the newspapers. So, John broke the bad news. Victoria knew it wasn't good. Even though John remained strong & convincing. He wanted Victoria to hear from him rather than elsewhere. He wanted his baby to enjoy her birthday and not let this news ruin it. It took awhile to compose herself and get into the car.
A few weeks later, John began chemo. They were surprised to learn the I.V. medications were done directly in his cell. There was no medical care on-sight to monitor his care. So, it was NO SURPRISE that John was later having chest pains. As he got out of bed and looked for a guard, John passed out and hit the floor, and lay in a pool of his own blood for hours until the next morning shift. Later that day, was transferred to the prison hospital and it was discovered that John suffered a massive heart attack. Due to the delay in care/treatment, nearly 60% of John's heart muscle was destroyed. This time, the prison kept John hospitalized for 5 days and then transferred him back to his cell. The staff KNEW of the overall of John's health, but intended on making John's life a LIVING HELL!
One week prior to the first anniversary of John's surgery, Victoria received a call. John's cancer had returned. Everyone knew what that meant. Victoria emotionally broke down. John spent the remainder of the time of their monthly call trying to console his baby girl. After Victoria hung up the phone, she emotionally collapsed into Carmine's arms. At the worst possible time, Victoria had to tell the rest of the family the upending news on John.
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| Carmine Agnello |
Victoria was truly shocked. She truly thought Carmine was on the road to building an empire. Sure, Carmine had done some things. But, she was sure the damage/behaviour was behind them. That, Victoria was sure of. But, Carmine explained the best he could. The more Victoria was hearing; the more devastated and angry she became. The entire situation got Victoria even more heated! The more she heard, Carmine had fallen right into a sting operation and fell into the trap. As the night settled, Victoria reminded Carmine of the fact that he was a metal magnate and not John Gotti. Victoria just couldn't understand why law enforcement was so eager to take down Carmine. He had a look in his eye to know more - that he just wasn't telling Victoria.
Victoria and Carmine never brought the subject up again but they found themselves fighting over the smallest of minute things. Victoria came to soon realize that the man she married and the man in this situation before her were completely different men. When speaking to her mom, Victoria felt she was "sleeping with the enemy". Only once in the few weeks coming did Victoria bring up the subject again - and, of course, Carmine denied any involvement with "the life". He even went as far as a roll call of his daily activities. Hiding the truth underneath. Victoria tried to believe him partly due to wanting to. Different times had manic episodes on Carmine's part that became more-and-more frequent, as were the depressive ones. Just as the high-of-the-highs were followed by the low-of-the-lows. The mood swings occurred without notice. Victoria urged Carmine to seek professional help. She even went as far as to set up consultations with well-known specialists. Of course, Carmine found issues with all of them.
Finally, Carmine found one whom shared his love of horse racing. Carmine took it as a sign. The doctor quickly diagnosed Carmine as a manic depressive. The doctor issued him medications. Victoria later found out that Carmine wasn't doing as the therapist was told. Therefore, there was little to no improvement. Money became an issue for the first time in their marriage.
Carmine had asked to borrow Victoria's entire life savings (her own personal "mad money"). Money Victoria earned by her writing jobs and savings/investing wisely. Over a million dollars worth. Let's just say this incident with Carmine borrowing from Victoria would be something she would greatly come to regret a few months later. Jealously soon rued as an evil force within their marriage. Carmine accused Victoria of everything under the sun imaginable., including completely untrue infidelities. That they fought over day/night. Depending on the fragility of Carmine's mood swings ranged the depth of the arguments.
One particular night, due to the day's events where Carmine orchestrated an argument out of nowhere, Victoria found it hard to sleep that night. Things began to CLICK for her mentally. Over the previous weeks, Carmine mentioned things Victoria KNEW she had not told him, not secrets, just BS that didn't pertain to any interest in Carmine. The fact of his questioning unnerved her! Blowing what he would hear out of proportion without hearing the complete conversation. Lying in bed that night, it finally hit her. Carmine was listening to her conversations somehow. Victoria climbed out of bed and searched room-by-room looking for some sort of recording device. Using a dim light as to not wake anyone. Just when she was to give up, Victoria had an epiphany.
The day after discovering the bugging device, Victoria, Peter & the kids went to see John. She tried to hold it together talking to her dad concerning Carmine. Victoria sat at an empty booth with the kids while father/son spoke. Victoria tried to keep an earshot. She didn't want her boys hearing negativity about their dad from their grandfather and uncle. They had enough to deal with John Sr. being splattered all over the newspapers. Finally Peter walked over to discuss the situation with his sister. While Victoria went to visit their dad, Peter stayed with his nephews. She almost nearly died.
Surprisingly, with a sympathetic look in John's eye, Victoria found the courage to be honest with her dad about Carmine. At this point, Victoria was truly fighting the urge not to cry so hard it nearly hurt her eyes. The irony was that John's argument was somewhat translucent to John Gotti's argument onto himself. One thing John believed in was loyalty. Betrayal was not a word in John's vocabulary - and what Carmine was considered a betrayal of a serious kind. John asked his daughter about her plans. Victoria looked over at her 3 sons; and what to do in consideration. At that moment, Victoria decided to give Carmine another chance. This completely pleased her dad. Even though John had no love for Carmine, he truly put the welfare of his grandsons first. So, John set it into motion to remind Carmine to act right. Putting the tape recorder business behind her wasn't easily done, but Victoria made the greatest effort. Putting the pieces of her marriage back together wasn't easy. . .but, EXTREMELY HARD! Considering the CONSTANT fighting; including on their anniversary. Carmine found a way to ruin it.
Throughout the fighting and lies, why Victoria took Carmine back continues to remain a mystery that baffles her. Carmine had all of his in-laws, including Victoria's mother, believing she was "crazy". Everyone believed Carmine; but not her dad. John was afraid this situation was something that would bring much "embarrassment and heartache" in the end.
A few months later, Victoria's 2ND novel was published. The publisher threw an elaborate book release party in Manhattan, with hoards of press in attendance. Victoria noticed that Carmine was duly absent. When the event was over, she found Carmine dead asleep when she got home. Victoria was so deeply hurt & angry that Carmine's actions completely ruined her night.
At 3A, Victoria woke up in a panic due to her chest, crushing her grip. She opened her eyes and found Carmine pointing her shotgun in her face - inches from her mouth. Victoria couldn't speak and was terrified to scream. She was frozen in fear the boys would hear. Carmine was threatening her in fear with empty, dark, dilated pupils. Victoria was truly terrified. The more Carmine spoke in the this manner, the tears were streaming down her face/body.
Victoria stopped down in the bathroom and took another bath. In the tub, Victoria emotionally broke down in silence. After getting into clean pajamas, Victoria went downstairs to check on Carmine, whom was fast asleep in the guest room. She proceeded to grab her children from a deep sleep, piled them in her vehicle and hit the gas at full force. She arrived at her mother's house at 4:45A.Victoria was vague about the details, just that she and Carmine had a fight. She and the boys stayed with her mom for nearly a week. Only agreeing to go home if Carmine checked himself into a hospital.
The hardest part of divorce is whether or not to actually go through with it. With Carmine locked away on his own dumbass choices, it was the perfect opportunity for a divorce. What Victoria didn't want to believe was ACTUALLY happening. Carmine was having multiple affairs; on top of cleaning out her savings account from writing jobs. Victoria took it hard that she was to be raising 3 boys alone. The most important man in Victoria's life was dying thousands of miles away. There was little Victoria could do. She felt alone and helpless.
The first thing Victoria did was visit her dad. He told her what his daughter already knew. There was no other choice but to legally divorce Carmine. John, himself, was old-fashioned and didn't believe in divorce. But, due to the publicity attached to the scandal, John realized there was no other way for his baby girl to hold onto her own self-respect. The nights that followed were long and difficult. Victoria was in an endless mental daze. Whenever Carmine called often and most of the time, Victoria didn't accept charges. All he did was beg/cry for forgiveness. Offering money and diamonds for her to stay with him. Victoria was never tempted. Her self-respect was worth a hell of a lot more. Her mind was made up. Victoria contacted a local lawyer with a great reputation. She went through the initial process and consultation. Listening thoroughly. All of it was surreal. Carmine would be served in jail was all she knew.
Carmine would continuously try to call. Victoria would only answer for the boys to talk to their dad. Therein, Carmine would succeed in blaming her in front of the boys for his locked up situation. When they went crying to their mom, Victoria was crushed. Carmine made Victoria out to be a monster. Making her out to be the asshole that destroyed a family. It took Victoria MONTHS to get the boys to SEE THE TRUTH! It didn't help matters that reporters continued to write articles about the daily ordeals. What was printed in the press was a small truth to the REAL TRUTH itself. Victoria later learned that Carmine bought another woman a small home in New Hyde Park and would often stop there at night. The secretary made numerous attempts to tell Victoria about the affair if Carmine didn't pay for a suitable lifestyle for her. The house was only a few miles away from Victoria's own residence. What a convenience for Carmine.
Victoria even learned that Carmine was driving a brand-new, candy apple red Camero that was purchased by Carmine's company. Aside from the press with daily articles on the divorce, law enforcement was damn determined to see to it that Carmine & Victoria broke up for good. 2 FBI Agents came to Victoria's house with a picture of the secretary and Carmine standing in front of the recycling plant, looking as if they were arguing. Agents were truly sorry that they had to put Victoria through all of this, along with the embarrassment that followed. Their words and demeanor left Victoria slamming the door.
Even after going to such great lengths to make sure Victoria knew about the affair, law enforcement then had the nerve to accuse her of staging a "fake divorce" to try to save assets they were trying to confiscate from Carmine as part of the criminal proceedings. That was when Victoria realized law enforcement would stop at nothing to destroy families/lives.
Victoria began throwing herself into her work, writing her weekly column for The Post and began working on a new novel. She needed the money more than ever. She had 3 boys in private school, and divorce is expensive. Carmine flat out refused to pay child support. Victoria's lawyer went to the judge and requested "emergency relief". She was granted the request and ordered Carmine to pay child support + all arrears money. Carmine was also ordered to pay all school costs as well as all insurances within the home. The money was to be coming from monthly rents collected from various properties.
John Gotti was livid and pissed. Leading to an argument at his next visit between father/daughter. She was NOT to take ANYTHING from Carmine. Anything she needed, John would provide. He was more aptly pissed & upset over Carmine's actions. John was so shocked/angry about the money Carmine had "stolen" from Victoria, which he claimed he needed for the shredder he was building. Turns out, the FBI had confiscated 3 bank accounts when he was arrested. Carmine never needed Victoria's money - he just didn't want her to have it. John stated that Carmine wanted to "subjugate"Victoria. John ordered brother, Victoria's Uncle Pete to get back what was rightfully belonging to his daughter. He wanted Pete to get what belonged to Victoria returned to her. This put Victoria in a tough position as Pete wanted her to lie to her dad on the outcome. . .but she wouldn't. Victoria would never lie to her dad - for anyone.
On the next scheduled visit, John asked his daughter about the money. She wouldn't answer. Victoria walked into the bathroom and left the men alone to talk. When she returned, John did NOT look happy. Victoria could tell John was unhappy about the intrusiveness of the press and media coverage surrounding the divorce as well. So, Victoria informed the lawyers immediately upon her return home. The next day, Victoria's attorney went before the judge and requested the divorce be sealed. While these records are supposed to be of public record, in Victoria's precise case, the judge made an exception. The seal would prevent "leaks" about intimate details of their marriage to the press.
A month later, Victoria visited her dad again. This time, he seemed calmer when the subject of her divorce arose. But, John seemed to ask questions out of nowhere concerning Carmine and her life in post; concerning dating. She was surprised considering how old-fashioned John, himself, was. He wanted his daughter to get on with her life. Start going out and enjoy it. Attending premieres and parties. Others that had associated with Carmine would inform Victoria of his threats of harm or worse on the downlow. Some were figures that were obligated to report threats. Victoria was straight-up with the truth. About her dad's cancer and the outcome of a result to Carmine would be on the boys. Although Carmine's threats were related to his mental illness, everything surrounding the situation, made Victoria wonder whether Carmine was truly capable of making good on his threats. In the end, Victoria never told her dad. But, she did tell her mother, who, as an observant mother herself, KNEW how far Carmine would go. Everything going on with Victoria & Carmine was last for John NOT to know. All that mattered was John's well-being. They all had NO IDEA how much longer John Gotti had had left to live.
Victoria spent many nights awake wondering if she made the right decision, especially when she noticed the changes in the boys. One minute they were happy, healthy, obedient and well-disciplined to the complete opposite of being quiet, depressed, rebellious at times. As a mother, nothing Victoria did seemed to help the situation. She worked longer hours at The Post to try to keep up the bills. Carmine still refused to pay for any support, not even a penny for any of their tuitions. This was from a man worth nearly $200 million! A man who lied, cheated and broke every wedding vow. Victoria began to blame herself. She, too, became withdrawn and more depressed.
The family continued their regularly scheduled visits with John, but they were denied extra time despite John's life timeline. He could no longer speak vocally and his only means of communication was writing down brief sentences on a legal pad. The more John couldn't speak, the more frustrated he became. His form of communication was through grunts and groans. Rather than draw attention to it, Victoria went with communication as normal to save her dad embarrassment. He felt helpless speaking to his baby girl due to his absence from their lives.
Financially, Victoria was out of money, but she dared not to tell anyone. She was too proud to ask for help. Carmine had promised to "strangle Victoria financially" if she moved forward with the divorce and he made good on that promise. A few weeks later, Victoria received a call from her divorce lawyer. The judge had awarded Victoria the marital home despite Carmine's claim to half. That was good news which relieved Victoria. Although the divorce battle still lingered. The bad news was that Carmine took out a million-dollar mortgage against the house without her knowledge. The monthly mortgage was $13,000/month!, which put more financial strain on Victoria. The minute the judge made his ruling, Carmine stopped paying everything.
When Victoria came home from work one night, she found the electricity shut off. She and the boys sat in the dark for nearly 3 days until Victoria raised $4,000 to turn the power on. As a result of the divorce and Carmine's legal trouble, Victoria was financially bankrupt. She was too embarrassed to tell her dad. Instead, she borrowed the money from Lewis Kasman, What came next was 10x worse.
Victoria's oldest, Carmine, walked with his head down to his room, locked the door, turned out the lights and emotionally crashed into a deep sleep. The man whom was the head of their family was gone and the impact was enormous. Frankie, the youngest, broke down in the hallway; looking to his mom for comfort. Victoria, herself, was still caught in her own grief - and just couldn't reach out to her baby. One of her regrets as their mother and never forgives herself. John, her middle son, was the head-strong, in-control kid his grandfather KNEW he would be. He rushed to his mom's side and assured her everything would be okay. Promising he would take care of his mother. Less than an hour later, they were heading to Victoria's mom's house. They were the last to arrive finding everyone in their own grief. Through the window of the den, Victoria could see a group of reporters, photographers and on-lookers. Minute-by-minute, the crowds were growing outside. Within an hour, police had to arrive due to the crowd. It was mostly friends and the neighborhood showing support. Victoria had to draw the curtains for privacy; but while trying to shield her mother from the outside commotion. Just a taste of things to come.
It took 2 days to get John Gotti's body released to family. The amount of red tape was astounding. The warden had to "sign off" on the paperwork before John could be properly released from the prison. Victoria's brother, Peter, had been witness to their dad's rapid transformation from robust and buff to frail and emaciated. Peter had sat constant vigil, at least on visiting days, at John's bedside for the last 6 months of life. To his children, John Gotti was the toughest man on Earth. Nothing rattled him . . .except cancer. The emotional toll it took on watching their father die was noticeable. With her dad in prison, Peter had to step-up as many of the family. It was clear that caring for their dad and navigating all prison policies and bureaucracy was wearing on John.
Victoria's last visit with her dad was a month prior to his passing. It was so emotional that Victoria was sick in bed for 2 days post-visit. Both father/daughter KNEW the end was near and this would probably be their last visit. Since John could no longer speak, he noted everything on a small blackboard he kept on the bed. Amid her anger/grief, angrier than she'd ever been., Victoria found out that the prison had performed an autopsy despite strict orders from John, himself, along with Victoria. Since she was her dad's "designated next of kin" anything pertaining to her dad's car medical care was to be approved by Victoria. This angered her brother, John, and called his sister from the prison. Victoria felt somewhat responsible about the autopsy for not seeing to it that their dad's last wishes were carried out. Victoria's emotions went from between guilt/grief. Back in New York, the media's temperature was at a boiling point.
Victoria was lying in bed when the LIVE! coverage splashed across the television. She tried in vain to erase the TV's images from her mind. Victoria remained calm through watery eyes. Coverage would bounce back/forth from inside/outside the prison community. The more onsite commentary that came from the reporters. Victoria got the chills. She got out from under the blankets - Victoria could no longer bear the intrusion into her family's hell. She made her way onto the balcony. Victoria needed air. The June air cooled her nerves. She sat on the edge of the balcony home and lit a cigarette, a habit Victoria'd given up 20 years earlier and now only indulged in whatever stressed her beyond limits. Victoria could hear the maneuvering sounds around her. The hair on her arms stood up. It was as if she could actually feel her dad passing ahead of her - and Victoria began to emotionally break down again.
After the divorce, Victoria's first instinct was to put her home for sale, where there were only bad memories residing. But, at the time, Victoria thought the boys and their remaining stability. She had to dial down her finances. Victoria could hardly afford the boys in private school, let alone house maintenance. After her job at The Post ended, Victoria took a much more lucrative job at Star Magazine. The increase in salary gave her time to find her next direction.
Around this time, Victoria was approached by A&E Networks. They insisted on a crazy idea of doing a show. A reality show. One that revolved around her and her daily life. From her work life as a journalist to her life as a mom of 3 boys at home. She took the idea as a joke and blew them off. After many hours of meetings, Victoria was convinced to do it. Victoria didn't expect the outcome it would bring. . .
On the eve of the 3RD season of Growing Up Gotti and Victoria's illness was all the press talked about. As with the premiere ahead, a press tour began. Media outlets in the press deemed Victoria's illness a fraud and publicity stunt. Victoria was livid! Media outlets deemed Victoria overdramatized what was happening to her physically. As a purposefully added publicity for the reality of the show. It took enormous amounts of damage control to get the situation under control. Network heads worked day/night. Finally, Victoria was forced to do the unthinkable - bare her breasts and the scarring to a reporter for the evidence of truth. She also signed legal waivers for the unsealment of her medical records, under the exclusion that medical references are not printed. This began to destroy Victoria and the boys. As a result of negative publicity, the show's ratings began to tank and the show itself was ULTIMATELY cancelled!
One of the last episodes was a Christmas show, where they as a family reminisced with her, the boys, and Victoria's siblings of holiday's past. Laughing, sharing, crying. Mostly, they missed their beloved brother, Frankie Boy. An empty chair at the far end of the table was a reminder of his absence. Above the chair was a reminder of what times once were. A chair resided at the end of the table. It was John Gotti's designated seat. At the opposite end, opposite of John's seat, sat her brother, John's, seat. Victoria's brother was now the head of the family. All burdens/responsibilities fell upon him.
Around this time, the Gotti's mother, Victoria, suffered a massive stroke and had an unforseen future. Victoria camped out in the hospital for days/nights. When she was on the bout of exhaustion, Victoria's siblings stepped in to relief for their sister. Their mother moved in with Victoria again. She needed constant, round-the-clock care. Twice she needed to be rushed to the emergency room due to HIGH BP, resulting in a seizure. A few months later, her condition remained critical and heavily guarded. John Gotti was right. Their family was beginning to splinter - physically. Emotionally, they were all tied together. After a 6-yr court battle =, Victoria's house, one that John Gotti was praised on, was being foreclosed on. But, Victoria rose above to the Gotti credo: "This too shall pass".
Long after this book's publication,
The boys, now men, are fully grown with children of their own - making Victoria a grandmother today.
