End Of 2013

To all of those who read, checked out or commented on any of the books that were read during this 2013 year, I thank you fir checking out this blog. Some of these books were a complete surprise, but I loved them all just the same. I hope any of you enjoyed these books as much as I did. 2014 is a new year that will bring upon a new variety of books to either enjoy or pique your interests.




                         Can't wait for you to see what's in store . . . . . .



                                      Thank You!

In A Heartbeat

This next book would be one I thought would be perfect to finish and close out the 2013 year. It's a book that I find speaks about what it TRULY means to be selfless and giving. It's the TRUE story of how a well-to-do family from Memphis, TN, took in a kid that, not only, changed his life but theirs as well. Written by the TRUE people themselves, here is the story that tells more than what you seen outside of the award-winning film, 'The Blind Side' telling their own story, Sean and Leigh Anne Tuohy This book tells more than what you seen in a film. It reaffirms what it truly means to be grateful and to give back.


Leigh Anne is an interior designer w/ her own firm, Flair 1 Interiors. Sean has his own company, RGT Management, which over the years has acquired more than 80 known restaurants. They were heading out to breakfast on a weekday morning, a common casualty. The Tuohy family was in the family when they spotted Michael Oher, walking slowly among a cement walk, past a series of wrought iron gates that held grand homes. They wondered what a kid was doing there in that neighborhood at 9:30A being so out of place? Walking on foot and in shorts. As they passed Michael, Sean Jr. A.K.A.  S.J., recognized him. He was the "new kid" everyone was talking about at Briarcrest Christian School. The school had begun to seek out and admit minority children to give students full exposure to the world around them. Michael was one of those children and stuck out like a sore thumb. Leigh Anne wondered what a kid was doing that early in the day at school? School wasn't in session and that was it.

Later on the family learned that for Michael, holidays were just another day to him. Sean and Leigh Ann recall their first encounter w/ Michael. He had agreed to let them drive him to a bus stop in the wintry freeze. The following Monday, Leigh Anne went to the school inquiring questions of who this kid was? NO ONE HAD A CLUE. In the months ahead, the family's relationship w/ Michael would develop w/ ALOT of sarcasm back/forth. Michael learned quick you can say just about anything and NOT get in trouble. You can have an opinion.

Leigh Anne and Sean had supported and cared for plenty of kids besides Michael. They still do. Their house is the place kids run to! But Michael was different. They could see he needed more than any kid they've ever met. He ALWAYS had that spark to be a success. The Tuohy's just gave him the tools and moved out of the way. The family jobs and activities ALWAYS seemed like a constant merry-go-round. Then Michael came along. As time moved on and months passed without notice, Michael just became family. Happening in a heartbeat. Help is something that comes from the heart. You don't do it for an agenda. You do it because it's the right thing to do. Thousands of people failed to recognize Michael Oher, his quality and promise.

Sean Tuohy

By the time Michael was 17-18 years of age, he might have commonly fallen through the cracks. Sean Tuohy, Sr. is from New Orleans to a legendary high school basketball coach. Struggling to raise four kids on a gym teacher's salary. Sean worked a paper route as a kid.  He was always the sweaty, athletic kid trying to keep score. He was a versatile good athlete and a worker. He was also really good in school sports. Sean's mother was an "events mom". Any of her kids have a sport or game event, she was there. Sean then tells what life was like as a kid in sports w/ his own father. During the spring of his freshman year, Sean's energetic and high spirited father suffered a stroke at age 41. He was rushed to the hospital to undergo brain surgery to remove a  blood clot in his brain. He died on the operating table and had to be resuscitated. After he needed rehab help, Sean's parents had little choice but to move in w/ his grandparents. Sean was 15 and his older brother was 17, while their older sister was in college.With a disabled husband came serious financial and emotional burdens. Sean's mom had to work w/ a local Catholic newspaper and a drugstore. There were people willing to help out of openheartedness. The Tuohy kids were surrounded and sustained by generosity. They were granted free tuition for the rest of their high school careers, even though their father no longer worked there.

The experience of going without at times shaped Sean to be determined for the rest of his life to be good at anticipating the needs of others. Neighbors and friends would help him out when ever Sean needed it. He was grateful every step of the way. Despite the loss of his father, Sean's athletic career continued to flourish thanks to a man named Billy Fritzgerald. Even though people came in to work for his dad's position, NO ONE took over. They acted as head coach, long after Sean's dad couldn't work, out of respect for him. Sean had ALOT of RESPECT for those who encouraged and helped him. After his father's stroke, Sean could've gone in another direction, but he had someone looking out for him.

Sean was a good enough baseball player that he was being scouted by the Cincinnati Reds. Sean turned down their offer for college. He had scholarship offers to play college ball w/ limited choices. He wanted to go to a school w/ a band and REAL fight song. That's how SERIOUS his search was. He accepted a FULL ride to Ole Miss. The head coach at the university learned his methods as a long time assistant to Indiana legend, Bobby Knight. Outside of his HORRIBLE sporting experience at Ole Miss, Three things made his life better and more positive:

1. his teammates
2. his first car
3. meeting Leigh Anne - They were sophomores when they met for the FIRST time.

Sean first met Leigh Anne in December 1979. They had met at a boxer shorts-and-sunglasses theme party. He seen her after crossing the threshold and seen a girl coming at him in a blaze. She jumped into his arms and kissed him. Afterward Leigh Anne disappeared into the crowd. Sean was dumbfounded. As soon as he caught sight of her again, Sean asked who she was? It was Leigh Anne Roberts, a varsity cheerleader and a prominent member of their sorority house. She was already known as an organized go-getter.

Within a few weeks they began to see each other. They fell into a routine and had long talks lasting until 3AM. Leigh Anne was one that didn't have to be right, she just wanted it to be right. Leigh Anne's FORTHRIGHTNESS came in when she insisted on getting engaged. It was a COMPLETE SURPRISE to Sean. He would have, but she was a few steps ahead of him. After they graduated and were married, their futures were vague.

Sean had many options, but they didn't fit. He decided on a career in business and was driven to make money. When he began to accomplish that, he immediately developed the urge to give back to kids who had less. As he was about to begin business school, Sean got an offer to play ball in a European league. Leigh Anne urged him to take it. He did. When he was in Europe, Sean heard that his father was diagnosed w/ cancer. After his summer tour, Leigh Anne met him at the airport. They had only been married for 3 months. Sean's dad lasted 3 weeks after he came home. When they began their lives together, they had a shared foundation of values and of TRUE character of how you treat people.

Tim McGraw had almost not signed on to do the film. He had already done a football film, Friday Night Lights and didn't want to do another. But there was something infectious about Michael's story. The iron fist and her love of order for Leigh Anne comes from her father, Stanley Charles Roberts, who was a Korean War veteran and a U.S. Marshall. Leigh Anne's eye for color and compulsive cleaning habits come from her mother, who herself is an interior designer. The entire Roberts family lived by a certain motto: Don't talk about it. Live it. Leigh Anne's father was an outwardly hard guy type. He didn't say a whole lot, but spoke w/ action. He father was basically a cop. They had comfortable circumstances, but also had to stretch a dollar at times. Leigh Anne was 5 when her younger brother, Stanford, was born. After donating 10% of his earnings, Leigh Anne's father still managed to give $20.00/month to Save The Children organizations.

Johnny Cash

On a corner of her father's beat as a cop was a family-owned jewelry store, and while doing his rounds he liked to say hello to the attractive salesgirl. He soon stopped over more often. When it got cold outside, he'd come in and stay awhile. After a few months, they were engaged. In 1961, he was appointed a deputy U.S. Marshall under President John F. Kennedy and assigned to the Memphis office. Stanley Roberts looked and acted every inch a lawman. He looked like something out of Dragnet. Professionally, Stanley was responsible for transporting prisoners, serving warrants and chasing fugitives. He once arrested Johnny Cash. On November 24, 1963, he was detained to go to Dallas to help transport Lee Harvey Oswald from police jail headquarters to county jail. Before they could gain custody, Jack Ruby shot Oswald in the stomach.

Leigh Anne and her mom

Leigh Anne's mother found a way to pay for family extras. She was a go-getter who worked all the time, a self-made and self-educated woman who held down 2 jobs on top of raising 2 kids. She put herself through school to become an interior house designer. She was in the right place at the right time when the condo boom hit in the mid-1970s and did some model interiors in Memphis. One job led to another. Seeing her parents work so hard made Leigh Anne independent early. She got her first job when she turned 14. She was a shop-girl then on to waitressing. It was up to Leigh Anne to get herself where she needed to go and NOT be chauffeured around. She applied for a "Hardship licence". It made her realize early on that she had to be mature and accountable. When it came to college, Leigh Anne's mom wanted her daughter to get away from home and experience college life. Despite financial struggle, Leigh Anne's mom was her capacity to be a mom to others. She was always mothering others, people outside of immediate family.

Kappa Delta was the go-getter sorority at Ole Miss; they were cheerleaders, homecoming queens and student body presidents. Then came Sean. Already a cheerleader, Leigh Anne was a sophomore doing the Hotty Toddy and human pyramids. She was in the middle row when she first noticed Sean.That night at the Kappa Alpha party, Leigh Anne introduced herself to Sean. For all of his joking about her outspokenness and strong personality, Sean had a greater influence on Leigh Anne than she did on him. He/Sean was the driving force in their relationship right from the beginning. While waiting for graduation, Sean considered his career options.

Sean had impressed an Ole Miss patron who offered him an entry-level position at an investment bank. They had anticipated one last escape by going to Europe before beginning their working lives together. But Sean's father sickness worsened. They grew up ALOT faster when they coped with his dad's death. Things were happening w/ Leigh Anne's as well. When they started, they had a nest egg of $1,000, that they borrowed from Leigh Anne's parents. $3,000 from Sean's mom for a down payment on a house. Sean's beginning salary was $18,000/year. Leigh Anne found a job in the sales dept. of a small letter courier service. They had agreed to wait to have kids.

Sandra Bullock was scared from the minute she met Leigh Anne. She couldn't say anything. For the longest time, Sandra kept saying NO to the role because she didn't know how to play this woman. The director could NOT explain Leigh Anne to save his life. Sandra agreed to meet her and went to Memphis. Sandra told Leigh Anne her concerns on the religious banner thing. It scared Sandra because of her own experiences w/ religion. But, Leigh Anne was so open, honest and forthright. Sandra felt she finally met people who walk the walk. She felt she just got pulled into the role without saying yes! If she was going to play Leigh Anne Tuohy, it was going to be an inspirational, TRUE LIFE story with a message. Every piece of Sandra in the role was/is Leigh Anne Tuohy. This story REALLY OPENED Sandra's eyes at adoption and fostering. WWLATD? (What Would Leigh Anne Tuohy Do?)

Sean and Leigh Anne's first home was a tiny cottage in Sherwood Forest. They renovated the house themselves w/ the help of friends. Their furniture came from garage sales; they'd buy old pieces  and refurnish it themselves. After less than a year, Sean gave up the investment bank job. He didn't like to call people he knew and ask them for money. Sean
took a job installing home alarm systems. Through the hassles of the job, Sean took pride in the job. He liked it ALOT better than working behind a desk. Leigh Anne was the only woman in her department peddling an overnight messenger service. They weren't rich, but Sean & Leigh Anne realized they had ALOT more than most.

Over dinner one evening, a friend told Leigh Anne that there were 8 kids that she taught in her classroom as a teacher that couldn't afford their annual physicals. A basic checking cost just $12.00. Yet, these children's families didn't have the money. Impulsively, Leigh Anne agreed and paid the $96.00 total tab for the physicals. Even though the Tuohy's were being helped with their bills, they managed to make it work. Pretty soon Sean & Leigh Anne found themselves doing more. It took the Tuohy's 4 years  of pounding pavement before they felt secure enough to financially think about their own child. Sean was promoted to president of the alarm company and he also began making money on the side in sports radio. Leigh Anne's sales bonuses were so strong, she was making $40,000/year.

Collins and her mom, Leigh Anne

Sean and Leigh Anne's daughter, Collins, was born on 12-29-1986. Collins was such a calm, easygoing and perfect baby for the new parents. Collins was a deal-breaker for Sean. He was always working and didn't want to miss any time with her. When work time crossed into family time, Sean decided he had to be his own boss.
In 1988, Leigh Anne's brother, Stanford, came across a Taco Bell franchise that was for sale in Misssippi. Sean, Stanford and Stanford's father-in-law, bought the franchise. Sean was designated the group's managing partner and named their business Ole Bellco.

When it came to work, Sean took genuine pride in his work because he owned it. It was the work he made, not someone else. When 2 more Taco Bell's became available, Sean and Stanford bought them using the capital from the first one. Sean was soon in a great position to grow their company. At the age of 26, Sean was on his way to becoming a fast-food baron. As far as money itself went, Sean and Leigh Anne were complete opposites: Sean wanted to make money and Leigh Anne wanted to give it away. By the early 1990s, when the Tuohy's realized they had a chance to become wealthy, they thought about the most powerful way to give back.

Sean Jr. (S.J.)

Sean hung onto every word of that day's church sermon. He began putting those words into action. Leigh Anne pointed out there was a difference between giving and enabling. Sean & Leigh Anne, as well as many others, too often confuse the power of giving w/ the effectiveness of giving. If someone was entirely prepared on what is spent on, they wouldn't give as much as they wanted. Sean Jr. was born on July 4, 1993, even though Leigh Anne wanted differently. It took her awhile to have another child, because Collins was so painful. Plus babies made her/ Leigh Anne nervous. If they could tell you what was wrong, it would make things easier.

Leigh Anne's hospital room filled w/ people. It looked like a barbecue. They even had an open bar. The doctor had to fight his way into the delivery room. Sean and the doctor sat down and played spades, while Leigh Anne tried to hurry and deliver before midnight. They missed the mark and Sean Jr. arrived at 2 A.M. But after delivery, S.J. was born w/ a fever and had Beta Strep infection. They had a tense week before they could take him home. When the kids were growing up, church was a non-negotiable. San and Leigh Anne thought and felt - wisely - "If you're too tired for church, you're too tired for anything else for the rest of the week." Leigh Anne was coldblooded when it came to searching for contraband. Information is a valuable tool.

Sean & Leigh Anne piled on activities to where there was NO free time to sit and stir. They believed in the value of sports teams and hat came w/ it: discipline dedication. By the late 1990s, Sean and his partners at RGT Management were on their way to acquiring more than 80 restaurants. Leigh Anne's business was booming as well,  thanks to athletes in the NBA/NFL + their coaches. When it came to giving, they had a "Get One. Give One." concept. If you got something, you had to give up something. Sean and Leigh Anne wanted their kids to get a dose of reality, so they wouldn't be too sequestered by comfortable circumstances. It's always easy to write a check, but Sean & Leigh Anne wanted the kids to see who was being helped.

They wanted to get the point of giving becoming it's own reward. They wouldn't have to make their kids help others. When Collins was in 7TH grade, Sean drifted into coaching. When he saw wasn't up to par, he volunteered to coach the 8TH grade basketball team. Coaching made Sean feel good. Reminding him of his dad. He was good at it. He kind of took them from zero to top 10. Sean & Leigh Anne became contributors to a program that funded the tuition for kids to have better opportunities attending Briarcrest. Helping was a natural inclination for Sean - keeping in mind he wouldn't have gotten anywhere without the help he was given in his own life. Getting their friends involved was a perfect case of friendship multiplying a gift. Leigh Anne looked at it to help ALL the kids that needed it  . . . . NOT JUST THE ONES THAT MADE GOOD GRADES. In 2001, something happened to snap the Tuohy's out of comfortability and put things into perspective. Sean's company, RGT Management went bankrupt. The financial picture forced Sean to seriously consider filing for Chapter 11. Leigh Anne wasn't mad or afraid. She could go back to Sherwood Forest and be just as happy.

Sean was beginning to carve out a career as a broadcaster. In 2000, he had become the radio color analyst for the Memphis Grizzlies. He was then moved into a TV booth as a color commentator alongside others. Everything worked out in the end.

Leah Anne & Collins Tuohy

"Give What You Have To Someone, It May Be Better Than You Dare Think." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


When Collins Tuohy was 15, Sean & Leah Anne sent her on a mission trip to the Guatemala City  dumps. She didn't want to go, but she got ALOT out of it. She was also sent to work in soup kitchens. They didn't want her to love it. Sean & Leah Anne just wanted to open her eyes to an unfortunate part of the world. Sean & Leah Anne express it's not so hard to do or be something to others. When Michael came into the family, Collins & S.J. felt more was added to the family and they weren't being taken away or stripped of anything.

When Michael arrived in the Tuohy home, there was NO TENSION OR ANIMOSITY. Michael, himself, came from the aptly named Hurt Village, a boarded and busted windowed up, gang ridden urban project where all of the parks had broken swings. The Tuohy's didn't start out to adopt a homeless kid or a third child. THAT WASN'T THEIR MISSION. Sean's business was still on the rebound. It was just one thing led to another. Their relationship began w/ lunch. In the fall of 2002, Sean was a visitor in the Briarcrest cafeteria, having being a volunteer coach. He observed Michael Oher in the cafeteria. Sean noticed Michael didn't eat the same things as the other kids, if he ate at all. Michael looked like he went to school not knowing whether he would eat that day and hoping someone would buy him a meal.

A few weeks before Thanksgiving, Sean spotted Michael in the school bleachers watching basketball practice. Michael was on academic probation until he made his grades and wasn't able to play ball. Sean stepped up to Michael and introduced himself. When Sean asked Michael what he ate for lunch that day, he didn't like Michael's answer. Sean asked Collins about Michael's lunch. He told/asked her to buy Michael's lunch without him knowing. Sean then went into the administrative office asking about Michael? Without him knowing. Sean charged Michael's lunch on his credit card on the lunch program. Forever. Of all the other kids they helped, these kids had their own family or a place to go to. But Michael didn't even have someone to help w/ paperwork.

After the Tuohy's got to know Michael a little, Leigh Anne inquired questions that didn't give her the answers she wanted. Michael awoke every day of his life unsure of how he was going to eat or where to sleep? Michael ran away from one foster home after another until CPS lost track of him at age 10. For 18 months, he didn't go to school at all. He missed the entire 3RD grade. At his last attended school, Michael missed 51 days of the school year. At Briarcrest, the basketball coach and the principal decided to give Michael a chance. NOBODY else thought Michael would amount to anything, but these people seen him avoid trouble - even though it was around him. They seen something different in Michael - he had that spark and hunger.

Once he got to Briarcrest, Michael went between the homes of 4-5 families. One night it was a couch, the next it was a floor. In the fall of 2002, Michael was in arrears - socially, academically & financially. Michael was short on what other kids learned years ago. He was completely lost from the get go. Michael was desperate to make it at Briarcrest. He just didn't know if he could. At times it seemed easier to quit. But Michael wanted to be there. He knew it was good for him. But he had to do the work. He was struggling in the classroom and frustrating. Luckily, a devoted Briarcrest biology teacher refused to let Michael fail. She searched to find out what he knew and didn't know. She knew he was smart, quick and trying to do the work. BINGO! Michael was a better visual & oral learner than a textual one. The school staff began to see what fight Michael had to stick it out.

Sean saw in Michael the kid he had once been at the poorest kid at a rich school. He did for Michael what people did for him. Sometimes Sean would talk to Michael out of going elsewhere. He invited Michael to stay at his house. One night Michael accepted the invitation.

One night on the couch led to another. Eventually, Michael's hanging out began at longer stretches. They were all just comfortable with each other. The Tuohy's could tell that shelter and food were a continual issue for him. Leigh Anne spoke her mind to Michael and vice versa. They were an odd couple who just FIT in as mother and son. They had a bond NO ONE else did. Michael seen something he NEVER HAD BEFORE in Leigh Anne. Someone who wanted to give and care. Leigh Anne discovered Michael missed out on the most fundamental child care. One by one Leigh Anne dealt w/ his most urgent needs and basic needs of survival. After a scary experience of trying to take Michael home, they talked it over and invited Michael to move in full-time. After picking up some necessities, Michael became part of the household.


It was a testament to Michael's fortitude & intelligence that he could teach himself ANYTHING. In public restaurants, Michael was nervous with what he didn't know. As Collins, S.J. & Michael bonded, they swapped references of what they hadn't been exposed to culturally. Leigh Anne had to teach Michael what he didn't know or was exposed to! Little by little, Leigh Anne broke down barriers and led Michael across them. She was his tour guide and he soaked up the information. Left alone without Leigh Anne's prodding, Michael was quiet. He didn't talk about his past, but used it to fuel his future.

The Tuohy Family encouraged Michael to visit his biological family. They wanted him to include them in whatever he did. It was a testament to Michael's willpower & survival skills that he had escaped the neighborhood he came from without a police record or a bullet in him. It was Leigh Anne who finally broke through and earned Michael's emotional trust. The most single fictional part of 'The Blind Side' film was that Michael Oher didn't know how to play football. Michael, himself, was a fairly impressive athlete. Sean's goal wasn't to groom Michael to play football at Ole Miss, much less the NFL. His goal was to help him get a high school diploma. In Michael's junior year, he blossomed. He was NO LONGER overwhelmed and was SECURE at Briarcrest. His shine began to show - in all ways - on the football field.

When it came to personal things, Michael went to Leigh Anne or Collins. If it was more practical, Michael went to Sean, due to growing up without a father and distrusting men. He/Michael began to slowly improve. By the end of fall, Michael had the ability for a football scholarship. That spring they added Michael more into the family. It was no exaggeration to say that Michael brought everyone closer together. Everyone was always off doing their own thing. When Michael moved in, they were ALL on the same page. As siblings go, NO ONE resented one another. They also fought that way too!

Michael ALWAYS felt like part of the family. It was NEVER awkward. With the Tuohy's Michael just belonged there and they wanted him there. He was taken in as a son and as a big brother. It AMAZED Leigh Anne what progress and how far Michael had come when he felt loved, full and smart. Michael, the boy who was once so ill at ease had become a sophisticate.  But in order to be officially eligible for college football, Michael had to raise his GPA. In his junior year, he was passing his subjects, but it wasn't enough. As a senior, he would need ALL A's & B's and even that might not be enough.

Miss Sue

Sean suggested that Michael delay college, but Michael was DETERMINED to get there. That night they formed Team Oher and mapped out their strategy to succeed. Their first call was to Sue Mitchell, she had taught English in the county school system for 30 years. Michael's academic push became a communal project. EVERYBODY jumped in to help. They were going to see that Michael had everything he needed to succeed: whether it be the right book or the right compass. Six nights a week, Michael worked until at least 11:00P and sometimes into the early hours of the morning at 6:30A for extra credit work.

Collins helped support Michael throughout his academic marathon and she gave up some things as well. Collins was a candidate for homecoming queen but rearranged her entire schedule. Even though she was an honor roll student in advanced classes, Collins dropped them to be in Michael's English and Math classes instead and spent hours studying w/ him at night. Collins took careful notes in class in case Michael needed them. Sometimes Collins brought her friends over to make studying more enjoyable for him. There was no question Michael could do the work, timing was the only issue. When Miss Sue and Collins would take a break and watch American Idol, Michael was exasperated. He pulled a heavy sled the whole year. After football season came basketball and Michael was runner-up "Mr. Basketball". After basketball came track and Michael broke the sectional record in the discus.

Michael's whole future rested on an athletic scholarship. When Michael's final report card came, he got all A's & B's. The guarded kid they first met had become a self-confident, outgoing young man. On May 25, 2005, Michael & Collins both received their diplomas. Everyone applauded all the graduated, but when Michael received his, everyone whistled w/ special appreciation. The Biarcrest principal burst into a huge grin as he shook Michael's hand. Due to not having enough time to fit requirements after graduation, Michael went back to work on an independent study program. It was another excuse for everyone to be at the dinner table together again as a family.

Lou Gehrig

A biography and really reading Lou Gehrig's book captivated Michael. He could relate to his story. Having to get knocked down to realize how people really feel about you. - Lou Gehrig

Michael had chosen Ole Miss after a certain amount of recruiting drama. Some said that Sean and Leigh Anne put the fix in for their alma mater. But, at Ole Miss he could be close to home and continue working w/ Miss Sue. The truth was that Michael had more of a choice about where to go to college than Collins ever did. For Collins, Ole Miss, to Leigh Anne's view, it wasn't optional for Collins to attend elsewhere.

Michael and Collins

Almost immediately, Collins came down w/ a case of homesickness. When those moments came, it was Michael who gave her crucial comfort. Michael's dorm was down the street from Collins' and she went EVERYWHERE w/ him. Collins would have to look out for him. NOW there was a role reversal. Michael became Collins' protector. As a freshman, Collins made varsity cheerleader. Whenever Collins needed Michael, HE WAS THERE FOR HER. just before Christmas of Collins' sophomore year, she was granted a room in the elegant KD house. The catch was that Collins had to be moved out of her dorm before closing for the holiday.

Michael got the football team waiting out on the curb to help. He was privileged compared to ALOT of his other teammates. For most of her career, Miss Sue taught average, middle class students. She realized that she wasn't teaching students, she was teaching material. She proved what she believed: Caring teachers made a difference. The Tuohy's wanted Michael to be a cheerful giver as well. On holidays, he was told to invite as many kids as he wanted to come home w/ him. Michael made sure that not one teammate that was hungry or without family was left behind in Oxford. When they returned, Michael was named All-American and made the honor roll. Collins became president of various campus groups. He was also named a team captain and had won the Col. Earl "Red" Black Leadership Scholarship Award plus many others.

That spring, Michael and his teammates prepared for the NFL Draft. Meanwhile Collins went on interviews figuring out what to do w/ her life. When the day the NFL Draft arrived, everyone was in their best attire. They were all thrilled for Michael and felt a sense of completion. Michael was officially chosen by the Baltimore Ravens. On 7-30- 2009, Michael signed a multi-year contract worth millions. He was a made man. With his new hard-earned success, Michael was giving back. At this time, The Blind Side was upon completion. After it reached theaters, Michael called Leigh Anne.

Michael & S.J.

Collins grew up most of her life, then Mike came. For S.J. he grew up with Mike. The thing about the movie was that it showed Mike's early years. NOW he's Mr. Personality and ALOT like Sean. When the film came out, Collins, S.J. and Michael put their money together and gave it to charity. S.J. was the only one who put his money in the bank, while everyone else spent.

John Lee Hancock assured the Tuohy family that he could turn 'The Blind Side' into a good film. He seen mass appeal in the relationship between Michael & Leigh Anne. John Lee warned them he didn't intend to sugarcoat Michael's life or turn Leigh Anne into Mother Teresa. Sandra Bullock hesitated to accept the role to play Leigh Anne. She wanted to know if she could come to Memphis to meet Leigh Anne before officiating her decision.

After a real meeting in Memphis, Leigh Anne was surprised that Sandra was so tense. When Leigh Anne drove Sandra around, she got to like her even better. At lunch, Leigh Anne seen the REAL Sandra for what she is: low maintenance, unpretentious & a bit of a smart aleck, she fit in just fine. She/Sandra fit right in step w/ the Tuohy family. It was on the drive back from Oxford that Sandra got up the nerve to ask Leigh Anne if she actually carried a gun? Leigh Anne popped the console between the seats and showed Sandra a little hand pistol.

After that, Sandra called the director and said that "Leigh Anne terrifies me, but I think I have to play this role." The Blind Side finally began filming in April 2008 in Atlanta. The young executive producer in charge of filming was Molly Smith,who was the daughter of Fred Smith, founder of FedEx. Sandra was so concerned about getting the part right, she was constantly asking questions every day. Everything right down to labels & makeup. John Lee sent a film crew to the Tuohy home to get the decor right. IT WAS NO JOKE & SERIOUS how REAL Sandra wanted for this part to be played.

To Michael, the film was a distraction. He was trying to prove himself as a player and he didn't want anyone thinking he was more interested in red carpets than the football field. Michael didn't want special treatment, he just wanted to play football. Michael's rookie season became another excuse for the Tuohy family to be together taking it on the road. Michael started ALL 16 regular season games; later in the fall he flipped positions at the same time that he had to master. He couldn't believe what was happening to him. The Tuohy family was around the team so much that they gradually became acquainted w/ Michael's teammates and coaches. Every time he was introduced in the starting lineup, when the loudspeaker introduced Michael and he ran onto the field, Leigh Anne burst into tears w/ pride as his mom. With the release of The Blind Side came an explosion of publicity. The film premiered in New York in October, then nationwide on November 20TH. Michael skipped the premiere due to his vow to remain a player, NOT a personality. He wanted to stay focused on his beginning career in the NFL. When Michael finally saw the film, he did it quietly on the sly. When the film boomed at the box office, Michael was coming into his own as a player.

Michael's teammates would protect the Tuohy family from out-of-control fans. Michael protects the team. The team protects Michael and his team at home. They were exhilarated by the success of the film, but it didn't come without emotional  complications from the Tuohy family. Along with new-found celebrity came critics who questioned motives or something wrong w/ the film. S.J. caught ALOT of flak enough for everybody. He would catch jeers and taunts from the stands during games from rivalry. But, S.J. NEVER LOST focus or composure. If anyone struggled w/ unwanted attention, it was Michael. The popularity of the film was double-edged.

Sandra and S.J

For all they had done for Michael, the only thing the family could give him was hard: space. He needed room to establish his identity and independence. Since the film, one of the people Michael remained close to was Miss Sue. Each of the NFL rookies from Ole Miss invited Miss Sue to come see them play that season. Sue had to learn to treat Michael as an independent adult, and not as a college student anymore.

For the most part, everyone dealt with the success of 'The Blind Side' in the right spirit. Each of the Tuohy kids gave away one quarter of what they earned from Hollywood. They had NO participation in the profits; they only received a fee for selling their story rights. It was NO surprise that Sean & Leigh Anne did not observe decorum at The 82ND Annual Academy Awards. They were on their BEST behavior as to not embarrass their friend, Sandra. After the awards, they went to the Governor's Ball. It was crystal clear that the Tuohy's were supposed to use the success of 'The Blind Side' to help others and pass on the knowledge to help make a difference. Cheerful giving is just what they do. They really like to give at the grassroots; whether it's schools or church basement kitchens - ANYTHING that helps children who have less.

When S.J. is on break from school, he does youth coaching. They were stunned by the success of the film. Then they realized the source of the film's power: we could ALL change people's lives by investing time in individuals. People could honestly relate to 'The Blind Side' film. Cheerful giving has an AMAZING power, something else you can share as well.




                                       This book is REALLY ENRICHING.
Reading this book, it TRULY leaves you with a feeling of WANTING to give back!

REAL Tuohy Family          Movie Family

Mommie Dearest

This next book comes from the daughter of an ICONIC screen LEGEND. While her mother showed poise and grace on-screen. Behind-the-scenes she TRULY wasn't. From a Hollywood childhood that wasn't so full of riches, here is the story from the one who lived to tell, the daughter of Joan, Christina Crawford.

The first thing I HAVE to say is that NO MATTER what history or films tell us, when Joan died on May 10, 1977, Christina lost her MOTHER. This was during a time in 1920s Hollywood it was already a town of folklore and the focus of national fantasy. Stars were tied to Hollywood studios, working a 6-day week, turning out full length feature films in a month. Hollywood was a small town in the '20s. If you could figure out how to meet people. That wasn't the problem. The problem was how to get into the movies. Billie Cassin was a Hollywood newcomer in 1925. She had already signed an MGM contract. During the day at the studio she did the usual stand-in and bit parts while she danced in exhibition contests.

Billie made close friends w/ the studio publicity dept, making herself ready at a moment's notice when needed. Billie changed her name back-and-forth from Billie Cassin to the young starlet's original name, Lucielle LeSueur, who was creating national excitement before she'd been given an opportunity to display her acting skills to any extent in a movie. She became Joan Crawford a year later through a movie magazine contest sponsored by MGM. Joan hated her new first name so much that she called herself "Jo Ann" at the studio for several years. She said that Crawford sounded like "Crawfish" and she hated it. Although she took the name Joan Crawford formally & professionally. In private w/ friends and family, she went by Billie.

Metro (MGM) logo

It was 1926. Lucille was working at creating to make Joan Crawford into a TOTAL movie star. From 1925-1928, she appeared in over 20 films. But it wasn't until the release of 'Our Dancing Daughters' in 1928, that Joan finally tasted freedom. This was a time of major transition for Joan, whose dreams were all coming true. The days of struggle were behind her. She had a new name, a new husband & a whole new world. She embraced the Cinderella fairy tale as an embodiment of her own life. Overcoming obstacles by virtue of her willpower & determination appealed to her sense of drama. Success is sweeter if the road was tougher.

Regardless of what she overcame, Joan's career continued to skyrocket. During the next 4 years, she made a dozen more films. In 1929,  Joan married Douglas Fairbanks, Jr., the prince of Pickfair. Joan acquired polish and she credited Douglas w/ her good manners and taste. During this time, the Fairbanks marriage was saddened by a miscarriage. Joan admitted years later to a friend that she'd really had an abortion. The marriage ended in the spring of 1933. Joan had achieved full stardom now. Appearing in 2-or-3 films a year w/ top billing. Competition was fierce at Metro, but Joan won more than she lost. Joan devoted herself to her career and to her first love affair w/ Clark Gable. In 1935, Joan remarried. This time to well-educated  & cultured gentleman, Franchot Tone.

Joan and new baby, Christina

It wasn't what Joan expected and she was determined to give it a try.  It was during this time and marriage that the "jazz baby" turned slick sophisticated movie star was becoming a lady. Franchot constantly lived in Joan's shadow, even though he was a well-known and respected actor. Joan's last big box-office year was in 1936. They never had any children. Joan caught Franchot cheating and they divorced in April 1939. Joan found herself alone again in a huge, empty 22 room house. After 2 unsuccessful marriages, numerous attempts to have children and 14 years in pictures, Joan wasn't getting any younger. In 1939, Joan adopted and was delivered her first child, Christina.

Joan was fighting for her professional life. Christina's official papers simply said "girl" born on Sunday afternoon on 6-11-1939. Christina's real mother was a student. Her real father was a sailor. Neither of them wanted to take responsibility for her.  Only a few weeks old and Christina was to be Joan Crawford, Jr. An awesome responsibility. Joan & Christina were inseparable. Joan saved every one of her daughter's firsts (cut hair, tooth, etc.) Christina was Joan's alone. Joan was Christina's "Mommie Dearest". Christina wanted for nothing and had everything. In return, Joan had her daughter's total devotion. In May 1940, Joan traveled with Christina to Las Vegas, where she legally adopted her daughter. Joan had come to the conclusion that Joan Crawford, Jr. was not exactly fitting. She chose a new name and the adoption papers recorded them as Christina Crawford. Christina was w/ her mother on her first birthday in New York. Joan's fans were specifically forbidden to take photos of Christina. They managed to somehow to get their photos anyway. Strange Cargo and Susan And God were both released in 1940. Joan was again teamed w/ Clark Gable. Although their romance was brief, Joan spoke of Clark w/ a special fondness and respect for the rest of her life. A great love of her life. Joan retained her respect & love for him over a span of nearly 30 years. During 1941-1942, Joan made 2 pictures a year under her Metro contract. Although she was working, Joan knew her career was in trouble. She was a BIG star for over 12 years, now things were changing. Studios and the public preferred pinup stars like Lana Turner & Betty Grable.  Metro was the only real home Joan knew. Louis B. Mayer was more of a father than anyone else. Joan had literally grown-up on the MGM lot.

Finding herself a "has-been" at 37 was a shock for Joan. She was never quite the same. She carried the fresh pain of being treated a throw away for over 30 years. Joan carried a pain that people were destined to betray her. Her life was a battle she would always lose.  It was during this time that Joan began to drink. After 17 years w/ Metro, Joan left and signed with Warner Bros, making less money than she did before. In 1942, Joan KNEW her days were numbered at Metro. She married a handsome but unknown actor, Phillip Terry, that same year. That didn't help anyone. In 1943, Joan & Phillip adopted a baby boy, Phillip Terry, Jr. A few years before she was born, the Lindbergh kidnapping occurred. Christina heard her mom talk about it before, which SCARED and mentally followed Christina.

After they were married, Phillip was given the job of administering spankings. Up until that time, Joan was using her hairbrush or her hand. Christina was around 4-or-5. She goes into her FIRST real disagreement and punishment w/ her mom involving the swimming pool. That particular moment set the stage for their future relationship lasting the next 30 years.

Barbara & Joan

When Joan first moved into a neighborhood known as Brentwood, across the street from her lived Frank Fay. Frank was married to a young actress named Barbara Stanwyck, whom Joan became good friends with. When Barbara decided to end her marriage, Joan took her in until she could find her own place. To far for Christina to walk in the neighborhood, but still a part of it lived Shirley Temple. Joan took Christina to visit her once. Christina's early birthday parties have become something of a Hollywood legend. Her 2ND birthday was when they became an extravaganza.

But it was Christina's 4TH birthday party in June 1943 that was the grandest spectacle of them all. These legendary parties lasted until Christina was six. During her growing up years, Christina came to depend rather heavily on the servants for some sense of continuity. There were times when Joan's service help was at a loss: wishing they could help Christina in trouble. When Joan & Phillip were married, there were times when Christina was forced to choose between them. It wasn't long after that Phillip left. He just never came home again. He was just gone. This taught Christina a harsh and valuable lesson when it came to her mother: When Mommie Dearest got mad enough, she ripped people to shreds and made them disappear.

Joan valued a sense of humor and insisted everyone develop one. More often than not, it was at others' expense. In Joan's world & way, that was a way of teaching the kids about the outside world. There was something Joan's humor that made Christina naked and vulnerable. Joan would have her kids believe she genuinely and truly had eyes in the back of her head. Joan loved to go for walks along the ocean. One night Joan was restless and invited Christina to join her. She was only 7 years old. Joan talked w/ her daughter about her own life and past struggles. Christina tried her best to understand her mother's words. Joan began to be vulnerable and cry. Christina was comforting to be affectionate to her mom. Afterwards they went inside from the cold.

The first picture Joan did under her Warner Bros. contract  was for Mildred Pierce. Her first starring role. The director fought to get Joan this role. After 3 years of not working at all, Joan was very nervous. She/Joan was so busy and glad to be working in a good film, the kids barely saw her. It was now 1945, life was becoming better for Joan. Unfortunately, things don't always last. When the picture wrapped, Joan spent more time at home and the kids' lives changed. The kids' lives were run like an Army schedule. Cooking was a big factor. If a cook was good at their job, no problem. If not, life was miserable. Christina's only drawback: blood-rare meat. Joan tried to instill a sense of gratefulness to Christina to have the ability to eat such food. Christina tells the story of the 2-3 day rare meat fiasco. When Christina called her mom at the studio concerning the subject, Joan scolded her for being a selfish, ungrateful child. Christina wondered why her mother got so mad at her? Why was it that everything she did made her mom so angry? Christina thought to run away, but she had nowhere to go.

There were now four children in the Crawford household. Christina, Christopher and a new set  of twin girls; Cathy & Cynthia. On Saturday mornings, when Joan was asleep, the ENTIRE household, from the kids, to the nurse, to the servants had to keep to a whisper until Joan was ready to get up. They also had to walk tiptoed until Joan woke up. This was NOT done by any special occasion effort. It was everyday in Joan's house. To be run on Joan's orders for her personal convience. NO ONE had any right or say. Joan was adamant about the dull whispering and wasn't hearing different. Joan was always in a terrible mood if anyone accidentally woke her up and the spankings would show Joan's anger. The spankings were so hard they would break whatever Joan was using, leaving large blisters and red welts that lasted for days.

On Sunday, if Joan got up in time, the family would go to church. Christina had to be re-assigned to different classes thanks to not going often enough. If they didn't go to church, they did the lesson(s) at home. Either way, Christina would daydream throughout all of it. The family had regular checkups by doctors and when they were sick, the doctor came to the house. Joan also had her doctors whom she relied on as years passed. She wasn't a hypochondriac, but she was close to it. When Joan wasn't working, she organized regular cleaning forays into every nook and cranny of the house and yard. They were an unlikely crew, always falling short of Joan's expectations. It was NEVER ENOUGH to please her.

(The only image I could find)

The worst out of all of this cleaning was Joan's night raids. The night raids were worse because they sprang on without warning whatsoever. The kids were always asleep and it was dark outside when they began. Startling you out of a sound sleep, running full speed and out of control. No reason for the cause, but they were the most dreaded of all that Joan put these kids through. Christina re-lives what TRULY happened the night her mother came into her room one night and into her daughter's closet. Joan was soon in a RAGE tearing up the closet in complete shambles. She ripped the clothes off the hangers and had thrown both clothes and hangers out into the room. Joan was shaking Christina by the hair and SCREAMED into her ear, that would become LEGENDARY, "NO WIRE HANGERS!!" After Joan finished and released Christina, she destroyed Christina's bed, throwing it all across the room. Afterward she demanded for Christina to clean up the mess. Joan had a wild look in her eyes that TERRIFIED Christina.

It was well after midnight. Christopher couldn't get up to see his sister due to being tied down to the bed. Joan had a barbaric device she called a "sleep safe" to make sure Christopher would not get out of bed. The device was designed originally to keep babies from falling out of bed. Joan had it designed to fit a little boy. They/the kids were forbidden to get out of bed FOR ANY REASON. From the time Christopher was a baby, Joan kept him tied down to the bed. Eventually this contraption became a source of punishment for Christopher. It took Christina hours to redo the closet neatly. Including her bed, light was beginning to show outside when Christina finished.

Christina didn't see or hear of her mom days after one of the night raids. It was like Christina was banished for a short time before things returned to normal. There was one night the whole house heard Joan's tirade because it took place in Joan's dressing room, that Christopher was to clean, w/ mirrored glass walls. both the nurse and Christina were satisfied w/ the good job done even though Christina was more than 9 years of age. When Joan got home late at night when they were all sleeping, Christina HEARD about the dressing room job. Joan threw open the door under the sink, grabbed a large can of Bon Ami scouring powder. When Christina got to her feet, Joan wielded the can at her like a baseball bat. Joan beat Christina w/ the can until it burst open. By now Christina was yelling at her mom to stop hitting her. Joan finally threw the can in total disgust. All Christina had to work w/ cleaning the mess was a broom, a bucket, a couple of big towels and a mop.

Throughout the whole night, Christina worked and sobbed. She prayed for someone to punish her mother and told anyone who listened how much she HATED her. It was nearly 5:00A when an EXHAUSTED Christina was able to go to bed. She goes into the relationship between her mother and grandmother. They didn't get along very well. Christina's grandmother wasn't invited to birthdays. She wasn't included in holidays. She never stayed for a meal. There were no photographs of her anywhere. Joan was always sketchy over the details of her own upbringing. Things would change w/ each telling.

Joan Crawford was originally born Lucielle LeSueur in San Antonio, TX in 1904. While still a baby, her father deserted the family, leaving his wife, young son, Hal, and an infant daughter to fend for themselves. Lucielle never saw her real father. When her mother remarried, it was to a vaudeville theater manager, Harry Cassin. To Lucielle, it was the only father she knew. Lucielle went by calling him Daddy Cassin and changing her name to Billie Cassin by the time she was 9. It was during this time w/ him that Billie decided to go into theater and become a dancer.

In 1915, when Billie was 15, Daddy Cassin also left the family deserting them. After that divorce, the family was plunged into complete poverty. The only work that Billie's mother, Anna, could find was as a laundress. (That explains the wire hangers.) With no money, Anna made arrangements for the family to live in one unused room behind the laundry. Both children had to help w/ the work to make ends meet. Billie had to give up all thoughts of dancing lessons. Billie found a way of making it work w/ what she had dancing in the dirt and dancing. Anna made arrangements for Billie to attend The Sisters Of St. Agnes convent school on scholarship. She was to work a certain number of hours a week in exchange for room & board. Years later, Joan told her kids of the school/church feeding her false promises and hated her own mother for sending her away and keeping her brother, Hal, at home. Joan told the kids that the school used her while they sent passing grades home to Anna.

Anna married for a third time as Billie was finishing high school. Because of all of the mandatory chores, Billie never got more than an eighth grade education. She took various dept. store jobs and entered any dance contest she could. She eventually landed a brief job in a chorus in a Kansas City Hotel. From there to Chicago and Detroit dancing in various clubs. She had changed her professional name to her Lucielle LeSueur before being offered a job in a New York chorus. Between 1921-1924, Lucielle and her mother didn't see much of each other. Anna didn't want Billie going into the theater and tried to prevent it from happening. By 1925, when MGM decided to run a movie magazine contest to change her name. In an interview, Lucielle said she'd reconciled her differences w/ her mother, who was now living w/ her.

When Joan Crawford became a star in 1928, the family squabbles were well-known. Once she became a BIG star, Lucielle/Joan's family began making demands. The sad part was that Lucielle's mother had placed her early hopes on her son. Joan told Christina that Joan's mother favored her brother when Joan was growing up as Lucielle. Her brother, Hal, was given the best and Lucielle was given the rest. When Christina was growing up, Hal & her grandmother were put in the background of family w/o influence to their lives.

After an argument ensued between brother and sister in front of Christina involving money, the police took him away and Christina never seen him again. Joan had him committed to a sanatorium for 3 years. He was gone w/ NO MENTION of him ever again. Proving to Christina, if you make her mad, she can make you disappear. The kids would bring up their grandmother, but Joan didn't want to talk about it. In the years that followed, Christina would keep in touch w/ her grandmother from boarding school. The last letter Christina heard from her Grandmother included regards from her uncle.

When Anna was dying, her doctors called and Anna was calling for her daughter. She died in August 1958, NEVER seeing her daughter, Lucielle/Joan again. She/Joan did fly to LA to make funeral arrangements at Forest Lawn. In the end, Grandmother & Hal only represented pain for Joan. She/Joan rid her life of both of them, but they ALL paid a price. Christina recalls what it was like when her mother had "dates" whom she was told to call and refer to as "Uncle" and serve as bartender to! For some, these men were like family, but others made Christina uncomfortable. She/Christina was beginning to get tired of these "uncles" popping in everywhere.

Christina finally got sick of referring to these men as "Uncle" and confronted her mother. As long as Christina was polite, that was enough of the "uncle" business.  Joan said that receiving the Academy Award in 1946 for Mildred Pierce marked the end of her Hollywood. Odd, but TRUE. The 17 years Joan spent at Metro were not only THE GOLDEN AGE OF HOLLYWOOD, but also the GREAT years of her own career. MAJOR changes were coming that Joan couldn't control. After signing a contract w/ Warner's, Joan not only took less money due to a low box-office w/ her films, she also began feeling she was taking second-best and everyone knew it. It was the beginning of a long descent Joan battled for the rest of her life.

In 1940s, Joan found herself out of work and labeled box-office poison. Joan felt she had failed, which to her was the worse sin of all. She won her battle in the eyes of the world, the press & the studio the night she won the Academy Award. In 1946, when Joan won the Oscar for Best Actress for Mildred Pierce, she was not present to accept it. She was home in bed w/ pneumonia. Later that night after the important moment came, Joan's health dramatically improved. She leaped out of bed to shower and makeup. She put on her prettiest negligee w/ a satin red jacket. She brushed her hair and waited for the public to arrive. After everyone left and the moment passed, Joan sat holding her Oscar, admiring it from every angle. She even let Christina hold the Award for a few minutes. (It surprised Christina by how heavy in weight it was/is.) Joan was a BIG star again.

There was a sizable crowd gathered at 21 waiting to see Joan.  It was a different set of fans who grew tired of waiting to see a famous movie star. They were restless and beginning to get annoyed. Outside it was a big crowd and Joan had to be police escorted to be able to leave. Joan just thought the awaiting fans were cold and tired of waiting. The moment the big, heavy doors opened, fans were shoving for an autograph from Joan. The mob of fans scared Christina. Her & Chris were clinging together crying. Joan was screaming for the crowd not to hurt her babies. The staff from 21 tried to calm the fans down until the police finally arrived.

It was like a CRAZED, Joan Crawford MANIA w/ the press and fans. Joan calmed the kids down from the result of that hysteria and checked to see if they were hurt. Afterward they continued w/ their evening going out as planned. Christina wanted to be like Annie of 'Annie Get Your Gun' and be a cowboy. After the large crowds surrounding her mother's Oscar win, Christina didn't care much  for them or fans. There were 2 men whom Joan truly loved in her life and were both married when she fell in love.

Although Joan received 2 additional Academy Award nominations in 1947 and 1952, she viewed the rest of her career as an uphill battle. Joan was clinging desperately to remain a star. She tried to get back what she once had. She began to drink more socially. Fan mail became an even more importance. It was her last measure of popularity and she devoted herself to it entirely, answering every single piece of mail herself. As her films declined, the fan mail was an infusion of her life's blood to hang on to! Joan was fighting for her professional life and it took a toll on everyone.

When it came to gifts or holidays, Joan preferred things that were matched and were monogrammed, so almost everything she received was exactly that. When it came to Christmas, after they took turns opening presents, each one had to have a thank you note written for it, so they had to write on the back of each card just as Joan would do. The children would have brunch w/ their mother. Then in the afternoon, the rest of the day was theirs to play as everyone else.

As the years passed, Christmas became less of a family holiday and more of a public spectacle. Everything was done on display in front of an audience. The process of Christmas would change as well. It became a production line w/ packages to be wrapped for others. An act to impress others w/ Joan's generosity. By the time she was 9, the Crawford family Christmas was mostly for show. There were LOTS of gifts under the tree, but they were NOT allowed to keep the majority of ones that were given by Joan's friends. They were later given away to others. Even though Joan could afford to buy new things/gifts.

As if it wasn't hard enough to open gifts knowing full well they would never see them again until they were given away, the kids were required to smile dutifully when guests would express awe, admiration & envy over the gifts and asked them about how lucky children they were? There were times when Christina just wanted to burst her mom's dramatic and staged bubble. Christina didn't try to express truth because she figured NO ONE would believe her. The worst part of the holiday was the thank you notes, written in ink and without error. If so, she had to start over until it was perfect. It was beyond tedious work. Sitting there in stiff boredom. NO music, radio or records.

After being alone for hours doing this, to worsen matters, when they were completed, Joan would go through and make corrections. (These were just thank you notes.) Joan would be mad if Christina didn't express enough of the proper gratitude within the thank you notes. Joan would make Christina feel ungrateful if she didn't. It was a NEVER-ENDING process. Christina drew to hate Christmas thank you notes. She began to daydream about the days when she could leave home. When the holidays were over/finished, all the gifts that Christina was forbidden to have, they were to be repackaged neatly until someone's birthday. It was during a radio Christmas interview that Joan introduced all 4 of the Crawford children to the world. One minute, they were treated like privileged royalty w/ reporters paying careful attention to them. A few minutes later, they were nothing more than servants for their mother, Joan.

Howard Hughes

At times when there wasn't a man around, Joan would still go out. Taking Christina to be her date for dinner. Mostly whenever they went, Joan would talk business w/ whomever came to the table while Christina sat and ate. Joan would tell her friends that Christina had chosen the restaurant and that due to Christina's behavior Joan couldn't refuse. Christina talks about the first time she was introduced, by her mother, to Howard Hughes.



When Howard was starting in the film business as a producer, he had wanted to put Joan under contract. She refused him a number of times even though Howard was insistent. Joan said that Howard used women for exploitation and she didn't want any part of it. When Howard couldn't get Joan to sign a contract, he tried to get Joan to go out w/ him. Joan went w/ him a couple of times and seen what problems Howard truly had. Joan & Christina usually had a good time on their mother/daughter dates. Since Joan never got up and visited another table, because she said it was bad manners, everyone else went to the Crawford table.

After detailing the evening when they got home, Joan would request that Christina sleep in her mother's bed w/ her for comfort. Or at least in the same room on the other big bed. Christina would lie awake for ages in fear that her wiggling would wake up and upset her mom. So she would lie there stiff all night. Christina was a very good student and enjoyed school. Because the work was so easy for her, Christina's teachers decided to skip her a 1/2 grade. Over the course of a weekend, Christina went to the top of third grade to the top of fourth. Her most difficult subject was math.

In a burst of civic mindedness, Joan directed her daughter's Brownie troop production of Hansel & Gretel. Joan managed everything real patiently. Christina got a classic case of stage fright during her acting debut and forgot half of her lines, shortening the play by 10 minutes. When she was in school, Christina was criticized for not having a father. Trying to explain her adoption, what she got in return were snickers and remarks. In contrast w/ the cruel teasing at school, there was also the business about being a "movie star's daughter". What Christina always wanted to do was fit in and be accepted. Due to the way Joan dressed her so formally, Christina was overdressed and uncomfortable at parties w/ classmates.

At the birthday parties, Christina's gift was re-gifted from the ones of the previous Christmas that she was allowed to have. Little by little, Christina learned that most people didn't live the way the Crawford's did. She was 8 when she realized that not everyone had a swimming pool. One minute the kids were assholes to Christina, the next be very nice to her. Up until this point, Christina had only seen one of her mom's films, 'Humoresque' w/ John Garfield, who Christina loved and adored. He was her hero. When she returned to school that Monday, the kids who were at her house that weekend returned to their asshole behavior. Christina was very hurt. She felt like a  pawn, constantly being used all the time.

Christina already knew that Joan used her and the kids for all of the publicity stories in the movie magazines. Joan rehearsed Christina for the press on what to say exactly. She was to be Joan's very good girl. Christina was treated and her world was FULL of contradictions. It confused Christina as to who she was: A movie star's golden daughter or a bastard? Christina even tried to run away once. Before she was down Sunset Blvd., she was busted by her mom. It was getting harder to trust anyone. Joan was just as strict about school as she was at home. Joan demanded straight A's on ALL report cards - or else. Fortunately, it was all relative;y easy for Christina to achieve.

Over a weekend in February, Christina skipped another half grade of school. From the middle of her 5TH grade year to her 6TH. Joan had transferred her to the Chadwick School in
Palos Verdes. As what went other major changes for Christina as a child, there was NO discussion about it. Joan had asked Christina about the idea on her thoughts of boarding school on a Friday. On Sunday, she was there. When they stopped in front of a small house on school grounds known as The Cottage, it was really a dorm for elementary school girls.

This new experience for Christina, who was 10 1/2 years of age, made her shy and hardly speak. These changes made Christina unsure of herself. Christina didn't know what brought about this massive change or her mother's reason's behind them. She didn't particularly like the school and was always homesick. She would go home on weekends. She would cry on her returns to school, even Joan cried sometimes claiming she would miss Christina. Relationships from siblings, servants and Joan's new boyfriend were forming at home around Christina's absence. When she was home, Christina had to help w/ the work. Christina finished the year at school smoothly w/ decent grades.

Joan went to Lake Louise in Canada w/ one of her directors, Uncle Vincent. Christina liked him even though she had been at home watching TV alone when she heard noise 2 rooms away. A few minutes later, Christina heard screaming.She dashed toward the noise and ran. She had seen Uncle Vincent hit her mother while she tried to defend herself. Without stopping to think, Christina began to wail at him to let go. Mother & daughter were both in tears. In a matter of minutes, it was over and Joan was sniffling as she told him to leave. Christina was scared trying to be brave.

After he left and the doors were locked, Christina checked on her mom and escorted her upstairs. A few days later, Joan invited the same Uncle Vincent to a piano recital Christina was having, claiming it would be rude NOT TO! Christina was appalled. Joan then insisted that Christina apologize to him. Christina then delves into the "female" trouble she encountered at age 11. The most embarrassing part of that was Joan telling anyone who would listen. Joan seen it as an accomplishment.

During her next year at school, Christina began to appreciate her school. She seen that life is ALOT easier than at home. The best part about being at school was the anonymity. A student among students and NOT a celebrity's daughter. When Christina was able to go home at the end of the school year, it was nice to see her siblings again. But they how had a new HORRIBLE nurse, who treated the kids differently outside of others around. She was DOWNRIGHT mean. She spanked w/ a hanger or belt. She would twist their ears to get something done. The kids HATED her. She was more physically abusive than Joan was. When Joan asked what happened, Christina told her mom. The nurse was fired. They had trouble keeping any staff thanks to Joan's rules. One right after another.

In the middle of 1951, Joan did one of her last pictures for Warner Bros. It wasn't a good film and she knew it. She also knew she wouldn't be contracted w/ them much longer either. Joan had a way w/ life. Her way was the way and she wouldn't listen to different. She thought she could keep he world in order. Joan's weakest link was - alcohol. Thanks to Joan's constant hire/fire of staff, word filtered back to the employment agencies. So Joan began to hire fans as secretary and nurse. To make matters worse, Christina was having trouble excelling at school. At first, they wanted her to leave, but she stayed to see it through.

Christina 1961

Thanks to the infraction before at home, Christina felt she was walking on eggshells. At first she went home every other weekend like everyone else. But those weekends w/ Joan weren't going to be pleasant and Christina knew it. Christina was constantly nervous on those weekends home. Christopher was about 8 yrs old now at this point and was beginning to feel the brunt of the work too. Joan's strategy w/ the family was divide & conquer. One of the kids had to be in trouble all the time. Because Christina was gone at school most of the time, it was now Christopher's turn. Joan's method's and ways haven't changed a bit.

Joan & Christopher

Christopher was at an age when a boy is more physically active all day, but he was held captive in a house full of women. He had no father to play w/ or learn from. As Christina seen the way Christopher was treated by their mother, she realized for the first time that Joan didn't like men. Due to growing up form that cute little boy, that was why Christopher received such treatment from his mom. All her life, Joan had never had a positive relationship w/ any man. In later years, Joan professed to be mortally afraid of her son. But, if so, her fear was the result of her own guilty conscience. From the years of abuse, whippings and being tied to a bed every night, all Christopher tried to do was get away from Joan and survive.

Soon Joan didn't want and banished Christina from coming home. Christina was old enough to intervene at home and KNEW what went on throughout that house being the REAL reasons why. She didn't want to stay at school on weekends, bu it was kind of a relief. Joan would constantly calling the school to check up on Christina and verbally lash out at her. Joan would be drinking during these calls. Christina couldn't convince any one for help because Joan was so deceptive. It would be Joan's word against Christina's and Joan usually won. Finally, Mrs. Chadwick of the school began to see that Joan was lying. She lived w/ Christina every day and KNEW different. In short, there was NO way Christina could NOT win for losing.

There was a new student at Chadwick in Christina's summer school class. His name was Jim. At first, Christina didn't like him because he was a know-it-all. But Christina got to know him and set off to a wonderful friendship. Thanks to Joan's schedule of the summer, Christina was allowed to spend a week w/ a girlfriend at her family's beach house. That summer, Christina KNEW & FELT what it was like to be a typical teenager. It was like a paradise for her.

As Christina was beginning 9TH grade in 1952, Hollywood was in a state of enormous change and chaos. The McCarthy hearings of Washington D.C. had the major studios losing control over the film industry and their stable stars, producers, writers & directors forcing them to find work in the New York theater if no other alternative. Television was becoming a serious threat to the entire industry establishment. Joan called Christina at school one night extremely upset informing her that she had left Warner Bros. Joan no longer had a contract, no job and was almost totally broke. For the first time in Christina's life, she heard the small stint of humility in her mom's voice. Joan sounded embarrassed, frightened and even apologetic. When their conversation ended, Joan thanked her daughter, told her to be brave and that she loved her.

A few moths later, Joan began work on her first independent film, Sudden Fear. It was a great film that got Joan her 3RD Oscar nomination as Best Actress. She did NOT win, but it excelled her career. When the picture wrapped, Joan had to again occupy herself while finding another job. In reference to keeping herself occupied, she would enlist Christina's help. Joan's "comeback" w/ Mildred Pierce had gotten her a professional reprieve. Even w/ a 3RD Oscar nomination, one picture no longer automatically led to another. Joan was in her late 40s and fighting for every inch of her career.

Due to being so busy taking care of her professional life, Joan didn't pay much attention to Christina or Christopher. They had both been living at the Chadwick School and didn't go home very often. Christina had spent 2 years fighting for respect and friendship. She was getting worn out fighting for every single accomplishment each day of her life. What Christina needed was a boyfriend. Then she found Walter, someone everyone loved, captain of the football team and student body president. When he asked Christina out, she happily accepted.

Walter had graduated and Christina didn't know how they were going to keep in touch. Whenever Christina went home, things were oddly strange. There were the OBSESSED fans Joan would hire to work for her. Joan would offer to pay them. ANYTHING Joan wanted/needed, the fans worshiped her. (It was like jump and how high?) They wanted no money, no praise, only to serve. Even in this mix, Christina HATED all of it. Joan expected Christina to treat her w/ the same respect and praise that the fans did. Christina was made to call her mother "Mommie Dearest" whether she wanted to or not. Joan wanted Christina to act like a puppet fan and wouldn't do it. There were things Joan did that Christina thought were wrong. It was as though keep quiet or fear her wrath. It was a living nightmare living w/ a lunatic as her mother was.

Joan couldn't convince Christina nor force her to act or curtsy to be the perfect child anymore. Christina was becoming her own person, but it was forbidden at home. It didn't matter who you were, in Joan's house you lived by her rules without discussion. The kids already had one fan as their nurse who was more lenient w/ the kids outside of Joan's presence. The nurse became a friend to the kids and they grew to love her. Unfortunately she was too good to last and was fired.

It was a bad time for Joan. She was drinking HEAVILY at night. She was piling up w/ bills, a second mortgage and trying to get another film to do. Problems compounded and worsened w/ Joan's drinking. Christina began to think of ALL of the stunts/craziness her mom pulled when Christina was growing up. Joan made her weekly calls to the school. When she heard what she wanted, even though the school KNEW Christina was innocent. Joan showed up at the school at 10:00P having been drinking and driving. Christina was packed and ready to go. Joan wouldn't speak to her daughter unless it was to make orders at her. After a stop at a liquor store, Joan SLAMMED on her brakes, sending everyone into disarray. She slapped Christina across the face many times and ordered her to shut up. Christina then tried to do what she could to stay out of her mother's way.

Christina then goes into wanting an explanation of why her mother would lie in public about the TRUE Joan. Joan was afraid Christina would ruin the image her mother built in front of press. Joan then WAILED on her daughter trying to choke and kill her. She was someone else and NOT Joan Crawford and NOT her mother. When it was over, the next thing Christina knew was, she was being interviewed by a juvenile officer taking her side of the story detailing what happened. He explained what would happen if another call was made: juvenile hall. Christina had one black eye, cut on her upper lip and covered in blood. Puffy face, swollen eyes and a hand print across her cheek.

That Fall, Joan told the school she was unable to pay full tuition for both kids. So, Christopher and Christina were put on partial work scholarships. They were expected to work where they lived. They worked on the weekends. They were paid $30.00 a month, but NOT A PENNY from their mom nor did she pay ANY tuition that year. Christina couldn't figure out where her mother's money went. Joan was making one picture a year. Joan thought that Christina working would give her the value of money. Christina began to get the eerie feeling that Joan was making her relive the penance of her own childhood by Joan having to work her way through school. Joan told Christina that her real mother was a scrub-woman.

Joan's mood changed for the better when she was working. Christina went to visit her mom on the MGM lot many times while Joan was working on the film Torch Song. The school bus dropped Christina off every other Friday at the studio gate and she would stay w/ her mom until it was time to go home.

It was the first time Joan had been back on the Metro lot in about 12 years. Joan had received a royal welcome form all of those who were there from the old days. Joan was singing and dancing her way through another kind of comeback, proving herself all over again at almost age 50. The picture was mediocre but Joan received ample publicity from both her MGM return and for the dance numbers. Christina decided what she wanted to be when she grew up. An accidental turn of events formed her decision to become an actress. Christina's decision had very little to do with her mom. Christina DID NOT want to equate being a stage actress with what her mom did. Joan was neither for or against it. Joan just advised her daughter to be prepared.

Judy Garland and Sid Luft

Christina obviously began w/ school productions. She DID NOT know that Joan's original ambition had been to be an actress in musical comedy theater. Joan NEVER intended to be in film. Before she got any further than the Broadway Chorus Line, Joan signed w/ MGM, came to Hollywood and never did theater again. After her performance and her mom's critique, Christina was crushed. A few weeks later, Joan organized and threw Christina a surprise birthday party for her 15TH. Joan invited hundreds of people including a noticeably pregnant Judy Garland w/ husband Sid Luft. Joan didn't like Sid for a variety of reasons, but KNEW Judy was a definitive attraction for the party.

Even though Joan prided the party costing $5,000, when Christina returned to school, she returned still on scholarship. The school took Joan at her word saying she would pay the backup bills to today, which was becoming an unsizable debt. Christina was VERY GRATEFUL to Mrs. Chadwick to finish high school, even w/ a debt and scholarship. She/Christina had found a REAL sense of belonging. Success was also smiling on Christina on the swim team.  Another notch under her belt was also cheerleader. That particular accomplishment was a long-awaited vote of acceptance. Life for Christina was everything she wanted it to be. Even though Joan was too busy for her at home, Christina's life was happy and productive.

Joan had followed her musical at MGM w/ a Western for Republic Studios called Johnny Guitar. But once again, even though it wasn't a very good film, Joan received ample publicity for it. Joan had brought Christopher out to Arizona for a visit during the summer. Chris had a good time and made some friends. It was important for him to feel a little special.  He had his own share of problems trying to grow up in a houseful of women.

Christopher had run away from home on a number of occasions when he couldn't stand it anymore. He lived down on the Santa Monica pier for a week before the police found him. Joan was ENTIRELY TOO STRICT w/ him. He was never given an allowance. Joan was trying to keep a boy who was becoming his own man. In school, Commander Chadwick was the closest to a father figure Christopher had or knew. In another fight and confrontation w/ a drunken mother, Joan was acting demented and at her very worst. Mrs. Chadwick couldn't even hold her own temper. She raised her voice in confrontation w/ Joan defending Christina. Joan SCREAMED out in the conversation that after Thanksgiving break, NONE of the Crawford children were returning to Chadwick. Joan was having them all transferred.

At that point, Christina HATED her mother she was at the point to want to kill her. The Commander & Mrs. Chadwick were there with her. It was the three of them THERE joined together at what they went through because of Joan. They KNEW it was wrong and told Christina it wasn't her fault. At the Thanksgiving meal, Christina TRULY seen who was her REAL family now. The Chadwick's, Christina and, her brothers and sisters. Before the weekend was over, someone had come to take Christopher and the twins. Christina didn't even see them for a year after that. The Chadwick's were trying to find a way to keep all the kids together in school. From her throne in the eye of her hurricane, brandishing her wand of obsession ruled Mommie Dearest. Christina thought about all and what she had to overcome to get to the school. The school was there and had been there for her. Everyone felt helpless against Joan for what to do? They felt defeated against Mommie. When the car arrived for pickup, Christina had an urge to run for her life anywhere. Saying goodbye was a somber moment for everywhere.

Christina was then taken to Flintridge Sacred Heart Academy, a Catholic girls school in Pasadena. After listening to the rules at this school, Christina was literally under house arrest. She was a prisoner in total exile. Christina soon found herself emotionally hold on any longer and let it all go. Four weeks of continuous crying. After that time, it was Christmas break. What did it matter? She was still banished to the school.

Christina had NO MORE fight left, NO MORE anger, NO MORE spirit of survival. EVERY BIT of her life within 5 years of pain, determination and finally success was taken and stripped from her. EVERYTHING was GONE and she was DRAINED. Christina fell into a CONSTANT sleep depression. People may have moved normally around her, but she was OUT of it. Christina didn't care anymore. She wanted to die and lost all desire to think. Her body was limp and SHUT DOWN. When she finally felt hungry, Christina was so weak she had to be fed to. She fell asleep then. When she awoke, Christina see the Sister sitting on the edge of the bed saying her rosary. Christina looked at her trying to manage a smile. Tears welled up in the nuns eyes when Christina tried to communicate.

Christina sat opening her mail that awaited her. She sat on the bed sobbing w/ loneliness and despair. The last envelope she opened was from her mom. Her reaction was that her mom was an INSENSITIVE, CRUEL & MONSTROUS BITCH!! Her rage welled into laughter w/ tears streaming. Christina COULD NOT TAKE IT ANY MORE!! But Christina adapted to the school. She may have been kept in TOTAL isolation and loneliness, but here NO ONE beat her.

The nuns and sisters gave Christina strength she wasn't used to seeing. Joan didn't care about anything else other than her public image. Christina received a letter from Christopher. Joan had made him under her spell that everything was ALL his/Christopher's fault. Christina was LIVID! From a point until her death, Joan sent Christina a telegram on her birthday. Joan clung on to whatever hurt she had and let it manifest. She demanded constant love and there was NO way to satisfy Joan Crawford.

Christina had to give formal thank you notes to EVERYONE, including her own brothers and sisters, whom she was NOT allowed direct contact with. Joan NEVER mentioned or even inquired to tell the kids about her marriage to marry Mr. Rachnell, the president of Pepsi-Cola. Christina was insulted that her mom didn't even show her any common courtesy. When she heard word from her mom, Christina could've strangled her. She began to wonder out of ALL of this, why were the kids adopted in the first place? Yes, Joan Crawford did get mounds of publicity from her little kids. After the kids served their purpose, they made a mistake: they started growing up and becoming people.

When the honeymoon was over, Joan went by calling herself Joan Steele. Joan was about to make a picture, Autumn Leaves w/ Cliff Robertson. Even though mother and daughter were both in Los Angeles, Christina was ignored by her mom. Out of   the blue, Joan announced she was taking the ENTIRE family to Switzerland for the holidays. After being thrown away for 18 months by her mom, Christina wondered her mom's reasons why? After all of this 4 walled entrapment, Christina didn't care. She was so excited! Christina was 16 1/2, Christopher was 13 and the twins were 8. When Christina officially met Joan's new husband, she took a liking to him. Joan instructed her to call him "Daddy". Although strange for a man she never met, all of Joan's other men Christina was told to call "Uncle". Alford Steele started as a geologist to sales at Coca-Cola. It became the BEST Christmas Christina could remember. The girls had been in boarding school and Christopher in a military academy. It was a bonanza. The moment had come for the trip. EVERYONE was together. They were boarding a train to New York. It was December 1955.

The trip was so special to Christina, she kept a diary of it. Christina was showered w/ gifts from her mom. She gave up wondering the intention. It was a TRUE dream come alive. It was like a fantasy about what it's REALLY like to be a movie star's daughter. EVERY SINGLE THING that night was TRULY at her fingertips. Living a life of a movie star. The fanciest fine & dine on a cruise ship. Christina HONESTLY felt she was dreaming ans would wake up back at the convent. The kids hardly seen Mommie and Daddy. When Christina and Alford were alone, even if it was an instantaneous father/daughter relationship, Christina was basking in the happiness of being w/ her "daddy".

When they returned, a cold chill ran through Christina. She could TELL her mom had been drinking and about to go into a TEMPER. From years of past, Christina KNEW her only salvation was to get out quick. She manages some pleasantries and took her brother out w/ her. What you KNEW would happen happened when they returned. Aside from check-in at 6 each night, that was the only time kids seen the parents until New Years Eve. Christina had lost her convent school shyness during the last six weeks and was now the quiet young lady keeping her appearance.

In Paris, Joan had cut Christina's hair short. Christina's short hair reminded Joan of Norma Shearer, whom Joan co-starred w/ in 'The Women' in 1939. When they arrived in New York City, Alford took Christopher and the twins to the airport and Christina stayed another week. The last day Joan was aboard ship, she told Christina that a magazine 'Women's Home Companion' wanted to do a story on them. Joan thought she would teach Christina "the ropes" of being an actress. After 2 months of being dressy for photos, Christina was beginning to tire of the public spectacle. After everything was done & over, Christina said her goodbyes and flew back to L.A. solo.

It had been a year and a half since Christina seen the Chadwick's. She talked a friend into going for a visit. Joan was in Jamaica when all hell broke loose of what Christina had done. Joan sent a letter saying that Christina was punished until college. The visit occurred in February. Joan had twisted and used Christina's words to fit her. Joan held tremendous power over Christina even when she wasn't present. Christina was dependent on her mother and couldn't do anything. Her first good news came in months when Christina was accepted at Carnage Hall, the school of her choice.

School was ending and soon came graduation. Joan didn't even attend the ceremony. Christina's HATRED for her mother built. Christina was the ONLY girl in the graduating class without family in attendance. Christina was humiliated and angry. Everybody KNEW it was out of punishment that NO ONE attended graduation. This ENTIRE time, Christmas communication w/ her mother consisted solely through those letters. The defining blows of Christina's graduation came when Joan sent her 2 matching boxes that were separately gift wrapped. One box had a birthday card on it. The other had a graduation card. They each contained one gold earring! Christina was deeply hurt and couldn't find the words to reply to her mom until several days later. Joan chalked it up to having spent several hours having a fitting for a film to pay for the education.

Joan couldn't stand any kind of honesty outside the narrow confines of her own work. She couldn't tolerate personal honesty as she took that as criticism of herself.  Joan was wrong for missing out this time and tried to make Christina feel bad about her actions. Joan's "excuse" was ALWAYS her work.

Christina then thought about what she had gone though in her own life: Being orphaned twice; once by her own biological parents, the other by her adopted parent. Growing up in institutions and foster homes at age 10. Receiving better treatment, more consideration, better understanding and fairness from the hands of strangers. For all of that, Christina was still extremely grateful. Shortly before leaving for college, Christina read an article from the L.A. Times about an auction. It was Joan, who was obviously miserable and being forced to live under subhuman conditions, just to support the kids. To be honest, Christina didn't care about her mom's nightmare. When Christina finally descended upon leaving the mountaintop where the convent was for college, she was NOT sorry and breathed a sigh of relief.

Before she was due to leave for Pittsburgh, PA, Christina took one final look of her childhood home. Trying to embed the place in her memory. The happy memories and the years of pain swept across her heart. She KNEW she would NEVER see ANY of this AGAIN. College itself surpassed whatever expectations Christina may have had. What awaited her was the beginning of a new phase of life far from anything she ever experienced. The most exciting part was the new freedom. With it, Christina realized she really didn't know who she was. Christina had to figure out the difference between the public fantasy of "Joan Crawford's daughter" and the reality of her own life. Who she was was NOT the image of what people thought she is. Joan was in England working on the film 'The Story Of Esther Costello'. She/Joan never visited the college campus. She frequently forgot to give Christina allowance. Christina spent Thanksgiving & Christmas at the dorm, thanks to the movie/picture her mom was making that was falling behind schedule. After 4 months of college, Christina had a NEW and exciting life. She felt a growing acceptance as a young, aspiring actress. Christina wrote to her mom at least once a week detailing her on all of the excitement of her life. Christina felt her good fortune was hard to believe.

Coming from her college atmosphere, Christina was struggling on her $25.00/month allowance. She typed term papers at night for extra money. After the years of solace, Christina thought about getting out on her own. College was much better than boarding school was. But still as long as Joan was paying, she held the purse strings. Christina spent so much time under that control, it was difficult to imagine any other way of being. On one hand, Christina envisioned the freedom. On the other, she always seen Joan holding the strings.

Joan and her husband were constantly traveling for Pepsi. She could be counted on to draw huge crowds since she was the only major Hollywood star to make the transition from films to public service in the business world. In the late 1950s, NO movie star did commercials for TV or were associated w/ just one product. The "Pepsi generation" was coming of age.

Joan and Alfred

It was during most of the Pepsi trail that Joan was forced to start flying. Before that, she took the train. Even though Joan was busy, she loved every minute of it. For 10 years, Joan struggled financially. Marrying Alfred Steele alleviated all of that for her. She even got to play "movie star" for fans again. Joan once again got to live a life she was used to! Christina was in New York when she turned 18. As a surprise, Alfred gave her his 1957 Thunderbird Convertible. It was an emotional moment in their lives. There were about 10 apprentices that summer. At first, Christina was just one of the group. Carnegie Hall required all freshman drama students be individually invited to return their sophomore year. That was to see if you had a REAL future in that business as a professional. Christina was given a letter of return, on account of many others that weren't. Between the death and suicide of a classmate and the news that her favorite acting teacher left the college, Christina decided and didn't want to return to Carnegie. She wanted to venture on her own and work.

When a girl from the theater and Christina decided to share an apartment in New York that fall, Joan was trying to impose her will over both of them which didn't work. If it hadn't been for Christina's roommate, Christina probably would've let her mom bother and impose rather than have a confrontation. It amazed Christina how Joan could make her feel that Christina had done wrong over simply disagreeing w/ her mom. A simple difference of opinion was a major deal of incidence for Joan. In a complete turnaround, Joan told Christina that she'd accepted an appearance on 'The Jack Paar Show' for her daughter. She helped to prep Christina on the on-goings of the show. It was not her choice or wish to do the show. Christina was going on as the daughter of a famous person in a segment where they guessed the mystery person. Christina was so eager to begin a career and please her mom that she agreed to appear. Everything went smoothly.

Christina realized afterward the major error in doing that. She went on there as an extension of her mother. A movie star's daughter w/ NO REAL credentials of her own.  She had NO personal identity. Outside of the further mess she created for herself being "Crawford's daughter", Christina was determined to overcome the obstacles. Christina drempt of a career for years. She felt she had SEVERELY screwed herself w/ NO way to reprieve.

Their house in California was sold to Donald O'Connor. The family was moving to Manhattan. Christina was constantly worried about going to her moms. She was exhausted when she left. The household was in a permanent state of agitation. During the winter and spring of 1958, Christina tried to be what her mother wanted her to be, but she was evolving into her own person. It was impossible for her to be Joan's perfect child. Because of the extensive publicity she'd gotten though the soft drink promotion campaign, Joan was now getting offers to do TV shows and started working in Hollywood more frequently. As the company stock advanced, so did Joan's career.

Alfred Steele

Christina had to be slipped a $100.00 bill secretly at her own home, by her "Daddy's" valet and bodyguard.  Alfred had sent it to her in quiet, for fear Joan would find out. Tears welled up in he eyes. She TRULY needed the money. As much as she appreciated it, Christina appreciated the thought more. Christina then thought of the links he went to. Joan had finally gotten to him. People gave up so much of their own free will just to be around Joan. Christina worked nights in a friend's restaurant. Part-time for an employment agency. Typing scripts for writers who wrote longhand. She saved enough money to live in England for 3 months. Alfred Steele died of a heart attack in April 1959. He was 54. Joan had been made an honorary board member of Pepsi in honor of Alfred. The Journal American carried a touching article about the grieving widow carrying his legacy.

Due to an unfortunate prank at school, Christopher, who was 15, was in TROUBLE w/ Joan. Shortly afterward he lived w/ his sister who was 19. They managed to survive once more. Joan won too! No longer responsible for Christopher. What followed the next year was the typical scariness of life beginning as an actress. Even though scary, Christina continued to grow into what fit her into her own person. She began to appreciate and understand what her mother had been through. The early years as a struggling actress. Something Joan NEVER talked about. Joan had gone out to film a cameo in Jerry Wald's The Best Of Everything. A small part was thrown to her during a difficult time after Alfred's death. Before leaving for Miami to do her first film, a writer did a story on Christina as one of the FIRST "Hollywood kids" to go into the business as an actress.  It caused quite a stir. A month later, Christina got a long-term from 20TH Century Fox and was summoned for a screen test. It wasn't good, but good enough to get a part in the film w/ Elvis Presley. Joan sent her congratulations and later retaliated!

A week later, Christina's contract was cancelled. She never worked for Fox Studios again. She tried to get a few Hollywood jobs without much success. Finally she just gave up. Eventually, Christina took a job at a savings & loan in Hollywood. She met her first real love in a man who taught her to trust. She stopped blaming Joan or making excuses. All those years in the quiet stopped her from destroying herself.

Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? was released in 1962. It was the most successful film Joan made in years and the last important of her career. Joan's feud and "competition" w/ Bette Davis was a match for each other. Bette was every bit as shrewd a professional and indomitable as Joan. Years later, Joan would only have to hear her name to start a tirade.

In 1964, Christina ventured back into show business and the world was changing. There were now a number of  "second generation" Hollywood actors/actresses. She auditioned for a play 'Barefoot In The Park' twice in New York and received the call a month later in Los Angeles that she was hired. It was the best job she landed and Christina was proud of it. The reviews were terrific. She received the Chicago Critics Award for Best Young Actress. In April 1966, after a hurried courtship w/ her director of the play, Harvey Medlinsky, Christina decided to get married. Joan was shockingly delighted when Christina told her. It was complete acceptance. From that point on, Joan and Christina were in daily contact. Joan decided to plan the ENTIRE wedding event. Christina was overwhelmed. Joan and Harvey became good friends and liked each others company. Christina and Harvey were married on May 20, 1966. She was on Cloud 9. After the honeymoon and Harvey went back to work, Christina visited w/ her mom nearly every other day. She was basking in it. A new apartment, a new life and her mother's love.

Christina would spend many nights at her mom's apartment. For the first time, Christina felt really comfortable w/ her mom. Joan would even go out of her way to plan fun things to do together. Including adding Christina in her social calendar. It was over the holiday when Christina and her husband were together that they realized they had difficulties to work through.

Christopher had been married, divorced and moved back to New York. He was drafted in the Army at the height of the Vietnam War just 2 months after the divorce. Christina was SCARED to death. She followed the newspapers and reports praying for a safe return. Joan and Christina had so many moments together that were filled w/ REAL understanding and GENUINE friendship that is was wonderful for both of them. While everyone else told Joan what they thought she wanted to hear, Christina told her the truth. She tried to show respect, but she was NOT a servant. Joan began talking to Christina more-and-more when they were alone. On Christina's wedding day, Joan had given her the pearl necklace Alford had given her. Joan expressed great love and a deep sentimental attachment to him/Alford. If it hadn't been for the money and success from '. . . .Baby Jane?' Joan would have had financial difficulty.

In April 1968, Christina began working on the soap opera series 'Secret Storm' at CBS. Joan loved the soaps and it was fun. She would watch every episode her daughter was on. Even Joan's fans would tune in. Chritsina's character, "Joan" (ironic), ALWAYS had drama. The time w/ her mom was a happy moment in her life. Christina was able to give her mother something she genuinely appreciated. Christina and her husband weren't getting along quite well. Therapy didn't help. She spent most of her free time w/ Joan. Their mother/daughter roles changed over the past years. Christina felt at times she was taking care of her mother. A role reversal of sorts.

Joan was taking different "styles' of medicine. She was 63 and dependent on a a maid for companionship. She would fall several times at night, hurting herself seriously and worrying Christina. Usually small injuries increasing to more. Joan managed to conceal the facts of her drinking of maintaining a rigid schedule. She had a SERIOUS drinking problem, but NO ONE spoke of it openly.  By summer, Christina and her husband opted for a clean divorce. While she was hurt, work kept her busy. Whether it was work or strain from the divorce, Christina was tired and losing weight. She was feeling something she couldn't shake. She broke into a cool sweat and pain in her abdomen. She couldn't work and was very scared.

Christina was unable to get to her mom. She was sure she was dying. She was terrified and needed emergency surgery. After the surgery and recovery, she awoke to find Joan and the director of the soap opera. The director,Gloria, started to talk to her/Christina. Joan had "offered" to play her part on the soap and CBS accepted. Christina was too weak and sedated from the pain of the operation. She was sedated from the excruciating pain to do anything but rest. After hearing from her mom on the details of what's up, Christina had an awful feeling was was shaking. She felt humiliated and helpless that her mom literally stole her job from her. Joan was a star again and the focus of attention. NOTHING gave Joan more publicity as taking/stealing Christina's soap opera role. Something YEARS LATER Christina could NEVER live down.

Christina kept up the kind gestures and gratefulness, even though she was sick at seeing her mother drunk on-screen. As Christina grew older and achieved her own success, their roles were changing. She had everything her mother wanted. Youth & a job. Joan was beginning to re-live her life through her daughter. NOW, it was Joan looking for love and approval the way Christina did. She had given Christina tickets to an event that she was too ill to attend. She asked Christina to stand in and accept numerous awards on her mother's behalf. Christina would do ANYTHING to help or appease her mother. During this time, Joan's drinking increased. Due to the pills and drinking, Christina was afraid her mom would accidentally kill herself. Not only was her drinking affecting her health, it was affecting her work. The beginning of August was the beginning of the end of 'Secret Storm' for Christina. It was not a surprise to her.

In June 1970, Christina decided to give Hollywood another try. Through her relationship w/ Joan, Christina felt a burden had been lifted. They had been together for 5 years, had a mutual understanding and, Christina was her mother's daughter, her friend and her companion at times. They really found each other again. After Christina got a guest spot on Marcus Welby, M.D., when she hadn't heard from her mom, she was worried. When Christina finally heard anything, it was that her mom was upset, due to Joan wanting to be on that show!

Christina got another show at 'Universal' that would be the last of her career. It didn't matter anytime Christina showed her mother ANY affection, Joan stomped on it. As an actress, Christina would always be: Crawford's daughter. NEVER have her OWN identity. It wasn't right for her anymore. She went back to college. Christina graduated magna cum laude w/ a bachelor of art degree. Next was graduate school. Christina received a master's in communication management and worked in PR. She had to break free and wrote her mom about her progress. She was surviving. Christina had made peace w/ her mom, herself and her own life. She had built a life for herself outside of her mother - and what she's been through. Joan & Christina loved each other w/ an uncommon passion that too easily turns into strife and sorrow. The weekend of Mother's Day 1977, Christina felt her mother was going to die. They had been bound together for so many years. Christina KNEW. Joan died on the morning of May 10, 1977. During the funeral, Christina didn't realize it was on Friday, May 13TH. When it came to the will, NOTHING was left for/to Christopher and/nor Christina. The twins received a trust fund spanning 20 years. Cathy got all of their mother, Joan's,  personal property. The entire matter was a disgrace. IT WAS OVER!




In 1981, a blockbuster and ICONIC-LY biographical film was made based on Christina's book (and life) of the same title, Mommie Dearest w/ Faye Dunaway in a REMARKABLE portrait as the LEGENDARY Joan and Diana Scarwid as an adult Christina, getting to give the last word.

REAL Christina Crawford (today)

An update on the Crawford children