Lizard Tales: The Wit & Wisdom Of Ron Shirley

To ring in 2013, this first book is written by someone who sees and experiences danger daily. Using wit and humor, he's able to find his way out. From his exciting and wayward life, he's able to tell it his way. As one of the stars of TruTv's  Lizard Lick Towing, here is the life story from the repo man himself, Ron Shirley.

Beginning w/ telling different stories from growing up as a kid in North Carolina. The kind of trouble & hell raising Ron would create as a kid makes for some pretty funny stories. When they were kids, one thing Ron & his brother, Jason, wanted was a dog. Everyone had one and they were pit bulls. What did they do when all kids loved and respected their dad do? They went straight to Momma for permission. Ron & Jason wanted to work all summer in the tobacco fields & odd jobs to earn the money. Let's just say their dad, "Pops", knew they learned their lesson that day they drove home from wanting a pit bull.

When he was younger on summer vacation, Ron and his family went to Topsail Island. One summer, Ron took a buddy, Shane, w/ him on the trip. One day, Shane had the idea of going under the pier, taking fishing rods & catching a seagull and flying it like a kite. Things get worse when Ron seen the blue lights from down the beach. The cops jumped out and headed straight for them. Shane ran off leaving Ron really nervous. One cop went after Shane, the other threw Ron in the sand and slapped handcuffs on him. Ron was bloodied from the "gentile" cop. They were both loaded into the cop car. Shane found humor in this situation, but Ron was nervously awaiting Pops reaction. After Ron's Pops bailed them both out, five minutes later, he gave Ron some unforgettable advice.

When Ron was a teenager, him, Jason & their cousin Brian, spent every weekend on the hour long trek to East Carolina University (ESU). They spent their teen years and their money at the bars down there. With fake I.D.'s, they were in the establishments, but it was the bartenders who always nailed them. 15 minutes out of ECU, the guys spotted a convenience store already drunk. When they were leaving the store, who was behind them pulling up? The local sheriff. The managed to get away and grabbed another beer. Jason ended up spewing all over the car, Ron & Brian. Ron was head-to-toe covered in beer, piss & vomit. Everyone was sick. Cleaning the car w/ the windows open at a car wash. BIG MISTAKE. They wanted to back to drinking but headed back home instead.

Ron grew up on a street in the town of Lizard Lick, NC, that everyone called "Jackass Road". One of the favorite things to do for Ron growing up was going hunting. He would spend the summer picking tobacco leaves. He would save most of every dollar he made w/ the desire to take his Pops w/ him on a hunting trip.  Ron in his money savings became tight w/ his earned savings. Ron booked a bear hunting trip experience for them both near the Canadian border. It was on this same trip, the following day, Ron went w/ someone in a Dodge truck. They pulled into a Hardee's in a small town. After Hardee's, they pulled into a donut shop being informed they were picking up bait for the trip. Leaving and heading to the hunting site, the lobster bait they picked up was getting to Ron. He ate his fill of the lobster. Afterwards he felt sick and settled for a short nap. 30 minutes past when Ron heard something. Coming closer to him, it was a baby moose. Ron's idea was to catch him & raise him to be world class then sell him to the highest bidder. As he was walking w/ the little moose, Ron came across the Momma moose and knew he was in for it. So he took off and ran like hell back to the truck. Ron learned a valuable lesson: Don't mess w/ somethin' that's not messin' w/ you!

NOT the house, but a description

When Ron was away in college, he had NOT ONE DIME TO HIS NAME. Coming home for summer, Ron had to work his tail off to save every penny for a few semesters of school. He asked his brother, Jason, who owned a roofing company, for a job. Things started off good and happy. But then Jason started off on Ron about something and Jason should've known better. They began arguing and before it came blows, Jason said something else. Ron kept his tongue bit, because he needed the money. Ron walked away to cool off. As the summer neared an end, one Thursday afternoon, they were roofing a 2-story house, working the top section together. It was EXTREMELY hot that day. When Ron came across the roof to drop some shingles to Jason, he began to start again w/ Ron about not having a shirt on due to the MASSIVE heat. Before Ron knew it, Jason was all over him and Ron had had enough. Ron began coming down the ladder to officially leave the job. He had just started down the ladder when his lights went out on him. When Ron woke up, his vision was real blurry and all he could see were bright lights and a "beautiful face". When he came to and his eyesight returning, he seen a lady and heard sirens.

Ron realized he was in an ambulance. He tried to get up but couldn't move his leg. He asked about what happened and was informed he had seriously been struck by lightening. Turns out that it wasn't Jason that told him, but from God Himself. The jolt had blown out all the windows + Ron's fingernails and toenails and burned off ALL of his hair EVERYWHERE. Ron thought he was on fire, so he jumped into a pool. He hit his head, went unconscious then Jason jumped from the top of the house into the pool to save his brother. He pulled him out, did CPR and the ambulance arrived. It was in the ambulance that Ron was informed that he had literally been struck by lightening. After having a good talk in the hospital that night, Ron & Jason knew how much they meant to each other.

When he was in his early 20s, Ron and his best friend, Johnny, were the humblest big guys you'd ever meet.  They liked to visit the bars near North Carolina State on the weekends. Fighting was all what Ron & Jason  were known for. After Ron had been in a fight on a Friday night w/ Jason in tow, when Jason walked off in the darkness, swallowing his pride, driving up the road, right next to Jason for him to get in the truck, for the planned trip of frog gigging, Jason was walking off angry when Ron called him one thing that would git him which was "Yeller". When Ron yelled that out, next thing Ron knew there was glass shattering and blood POURING from his nose. Ron knew the punch was coming, but was frozen right in the driver's seat. They both took a broken nose that night. When Jason punched Ron, he also broke the window of the truck. After laughing, hugging it out, a shot of (moon)shine, they high-tailed it to the pond.

When he was in his mid-20s, Ron was invited by a radio station, KFYR 550, in North Dakota, to spend a week hobnobbing w/ disc jockeys and stuff. It was the most memorable trip he'd ever taken. If it was free, he'd bask in it. He learned a valuable lesson on that trip:(Just because they offer it, doesn't mean you have to take it). When he was younger, Ron was one of those kids who didn't have ALOT, but knew it all. Learning things the hard way by running headfirst into a brick wall. When Ron married his first wife, things weren't any different. Even through the difficulties w/ his ex-wife, he did get one great gift out of it, his firstborn, Alexa Rayne Shirley A.K.A. Daddy's Little Angel. The closer the due date of his ex's pregnancy, the more NERVOUS Ron became. The more the baby was coming in delivery, Ron's head was spinning and he eventually got sick. After the baby's crowning, the doctor began to chuckle asking Ron what he thought. All Ron seen was a blank face - literally. He was FIRED UP! His eyes went blank. He reached over, grabbed the doctor by the throat, trying to pop his head, SCREAMING at the top of his lungs afraid his child was born unable to see or speak. Then he heard a baby cry. The nurse had to come in and finish the delivery. Ron had NO IDEA babies were born face-down  Due to the pouring rain outside that day + his emotions, Ron named his baby girl, Alexa Rayne Shirley.
http://www.cbn.com/700club/guests/bios/Ron-Amy_Shirley_073012.aspx

Power-lifting

When Ron first began in the repossession business, things weren't much different then they were today. When he and Amy first began dating, Ron would bench press the 600LB range and be entering strong-man contests. He and a buddy had been training Amy and she had just won her first title in power-lifting, that on top of being a redhead, it was only a matter of time before their first fight would arise. When a discussion got heated, Amy decided she would leave & cool off. Ron said something that would prevent her leaving. After he did, SHE WAS PISSED! (using different terms, of course) Amy's ears turned red. She fired up her truck. Ron was thinking she wouldn't run him over. Amy warned him and began to count to 5. Before she was at 3, Ron was taking his shirt off, telling her she knew better. The next thing he knew, Ron was sprawled across the hood while Amy flew down the driveway. He begged her to stop. Ron knew he was in for it when he seen Amy smile, hit the gas and hook the truck HARD!! Ron looked up and Amy was heading out of sight. He headed into his truck and went after her. Ron knew Amy didn't know the town too well, but knew where she was headed. Ron took a dirt road and came back another way. When he seen Amy turning toward him, Ron dropped the car in gear and hit her head on. He ran to her window, grabbed it and SHATTERED it. Ron leaned in, put the truck in park and yanked her keys out. Ron thought Amy was intimidated. When he heard people he knew, Ron ventured toward them. Meanwhile, Amy had eased out of her truck and into his. Ron left his keys in the ignition. After he had gotten out, Amy locked his truck up and headed STRAIGHT for him. She drove off in his truck: It took Ron 2 weeks and a WHOLE LOT to them both back.

A really cool thing about Amy, besides being a world champion power-lifter, is that she is also a licensed mortician. When she & Ron first began dating, they had very little money. Amy loved Ron for what he had, which wasn't very much at the time. Whenever Ron wanted to give Amy flowers, if he seen a freshly dug grave, he'd pull over and take the flowers to give to her. Problem was: they were always short stemmed flowers, so when Amy would ask Ron where they came from, he told her he'd bought them 1/2 off at a Home Depot. When Amy became a mortician and was around dead people all the time, she figured out what Ron was up to. Since Amy now knew, Ron asked if he could tag along w/ her at funerals, he could see a business, thanks to the discarded flowers. Amy finally agreed on the condition that Ron would donate half of his earnings.

One day Amy called Ron because she needed his help in moving a large man's body. Ron loved Amy so he did it, but was very uncomfortable. When Ron started to grab the man's head, he realized he had grabbed the head of a decapitated man, which made him drop the head on the floor w/ Amy laughing hysterically and Ron screaming. Amy sewed the man's head back onto his body. After Ron emptied 4 gallons of gut fluid and dry-heaved for 30 minutes, he helped Amy prepare for the funeral thanks to Ron's friends. After the funeral, Ron was thirsty and took a swig of the communion wine. He was surprised to see it was REAL wine and drank more of it. Thanks to the rules and Ron's being blessed for the wine, the priest for the services and Ron both shared ALL 4 bottles. They were HAMMERED!

Soon afterwards a fight broke out between Ron and the priest. Amy broke them up and didn't say a word. At the services, Amy had rage. Ron was in for it. When EVERYTHING was all said and done, Amy left him there right at the graver sight. Ron had to have Jason come and get him from the church. Since things couldn't get any worse, Ron & the priest blessed some more wine.

Ron had learned from his first marriage that "you can turn a housewife into a whore, but you'll never turn a whore into a housewife." When Ron & Amy had gotten married on Halloween, it was a costume wedding. Their honeymoon resided in Aruba. When they got home from the wedding to start life as a married couple, Ron learned an important lesson on his wedding night, he had definitely married Miss Right, he just didn't know her name was Always. Ron used to have this truck, real big and jacked up w/ deer painted on the hood and COUNTRY BOY CAN SURVIVE on the tailgate. He has always believed in Respecting Your Heritage (something I agree with as well). Where Ron's from, you don't judge by a man's house or his car, you look at the condition of his boat or barn.

When Ron finally got Lizard Lick Towing And Recovery off the ground and they were making waves in the repossession industry, he/Ron brought his best friend, Johnny, along w/ him. He was a big mountain of a man, so Ron began showing him the tricks-of-the-trade of the repossession industry. Then they went off within the first of many repos. In all his years of the repo business, NO ONE has done a better job than Bobby Brantley.  Bobby does have 2 downfalls: the first one is that he's never wrong and the second is that he lacks people skills. Ron gives Bobby an opportunity to work on both. When Ron is busy strapping the car for a repo, he uses that advantage for Bobby to work on his people skills.

In closing, Ron goes into what resulted in the damage(s) of his addictions. (That is what the pages below describe)

pg. 212

pg. 214

Ron, Amy & Bobby can be seen weekly on the inner working(s) of Lizard Lick Towing And Recovery in North Carolina on the reality series 'Lizard Lick Towing' on TruTv.