Sunday, January 18, 2015

Start Of 2015/The Fault In Our Stars

This first book of the new 2015 year is one that is a true rarity. When you're young and sick, you see more than most would. It's only on a rare occaision that you find that bond, let alone a relationship, w/ someone who UNDERSTANDS what you're going through - especially at a young age.This first book says EXACTLY that. It tells the story of fate arising when you least expect it. When 2 sick kids meet under the unlikiest of circumstances, their worlds forever change. Fate aligns within The Fault In Our Stars.

Beginning w/ 17-yr-old Hazel, who has been diagnosed w/ lung cancer. Due to the diagnosis, Hazel has been in a depression. Her mother figures it best if her daughter join a support group. Her mom wants her to go lift her spirits, but Hazel does NOT want to go. She goes to make her parents happy. Due to the incapacity of her lungs, Hazel has had to be on oxygen w/ a semi-portable tank. After she got there and some refreshments, Hazel noticed a boy in group looking at her. He was her age, maybe a bit older. Aside from her attire, Hazel still had showing signs of side effects on account of medication.

Hazel cut a glance of this boy looking in her direction, occurring to why they call it eye contact. After taking her seat, Hazel noticed he was still looking at her. She noticed he was semi-attractive. After group introductions, the boy was Augustus Waters, who was in remission for a year & 1/2. He was there at a friend's request. It was the same speeches throughout the meeting. Augustus admitted his own fears: blindness. Blindness to other people's feelings. Hazel was more of a quiet, non-hand raising type. But she did raise her hand deciding to speak. It was during her talk that Augustus seen more than a sick patient. She was MORE!

After the meeting finished Augustus went right over to Hazel. There stood an introduction to them both. Hazel noticed Augustus staring at her. Naturally, she wondered why? Reason - her beauty. Augustus promised never to deny the beauty of existence. There was the obvious denial and reassurance. A flirtation that Hazel liked. They go to Augustus' house to watch a film they discussed. His walk was a sign of a prosthetic leg from Osteosarcoma. After they were outside, Augustus & Hazel seen a couple HEAVILY making out. He then proceeds to pull out of ALL things, a cigarette. Practically ruining a moment that would've been. Here she is unable to breathe on her own and here is a kid NOT THINKING and lighting a cigarette. A flaw that disturbs her. As she was leaving, Hazel felt a weird mix of anger and disappointment welling up inside her. She wanted to smack Augustus. Informing her that cigarettes don't kill you if you don't light them. Using the cigarette as a tool for a metaphor. Something he truly believes in: Metaphors. Hazel's night was planned for a movie w/ Augustus Waters.

PICC line
Augustus' driving is HORRIBLE. Failed his driver's test 3 times, going in for a 4TH. He is trying to be gentile. Trying to keep w/ conversation in the midst of high-paced speed driving. Hazel told the truth of her diagnosis past & present; The broad outline. A lot of meds flowed through a PICC line. One medicine flowed continually while the other ran piggybacking the main set; creating a duo. Hazel ended up being admitted (in the hospital) for pneumonia. Hazel's mom and family thought this was an END. The doctor KNEW better. After getting some fluid out, the antibiotics began to work. Hazel was put in an experimental drug test w/ 70% success. Hazel added to that success. The tumors shrank! Staying that way. Only to find out it was bought w/ purchased time. When telling Augustus, Hazel painted the prettiest picture instead of gritty truth. When it came to school, Hazel got her GED and is enrolled at the local community college. Augustus seen a college girl w/ sophistication. Next was a screeching turn into a 2-story colonial. He had ALOT of encouragement banners everywhere. His parents were the kitchen cooking. Next came introductions. Including Hazel into any conversation(s). Trying to calibrate if her answers should be to be please Augustus or his parents. Chit-chat became a dinner invite. That night's dinner was a Waters' family dish. They utilized some of the dinner to fit Hazel's vegetarian needs. Both Hazel & Augustus had the same home curfew:10pm.

Augustus interjected to his parents that Hazel had the same curfew due to school. NO ONE once asked Hazel of the aforementioned oxygen. It did make her feel better. Augustus then escorted Hazel to the showing of the film: V For Vendetta. He showed Hazel the basement beforehand. The basement was FILLED w/ Augustus' sports memorabilia: Trophies and more. He was really good in basketball and certain deserving "perks". After sinking into his basketball past, he noticed that Hazel had to sit on his unmade bed. She had to sit after standing for so long. After realizing what was and what is, Hazel really liked Augustus. He had 2 older half-sisters that gave him nephews. Augustus then changed the subject. He wanted to know Hazel's story. NOT her cancer story, but HER story.

Unknowingly, Augustus taught Hazel a lesson: Don't let your disease become your story. You are more than your disease. He gave her an angle to focus on: her favorites. Hazel's favorite book is An Imperial Affliction. A book so special & rare you'd rather keep it private. have you ever had that book that was just yours? A book you can get lost in on your own. You don't tell others due to forming your own love for it. Something yours. Something special and private. You don't tell anyone so as to not ruin THAT magic?

Augustus turned around and gave her a book right off of his table. All that he asked is that Hazel just read it. A haunting novelization of his favorite video game: The Price Of Dawn. Their hands muddled together during the trade-off. He noticed her hands were cold from being under-oxygenated. He didn't let go until they reached the stairs. They sat on the couch watching the movie.

After an hour into the movie, Augustus' parents came upstairs serving the enchiladas, which they ate on the couch. After the movie, Hazel had to go home due to class in the AM. Hazel drove his car home w/ Augustus riding shotgun. Hazel kept looking at his leg trying to imagine what is to what was. Piquing her curiosity.  After parking the car, she seen his beauty. After their goodbyes came an invitation to see her again tomorrow. Patience is a virtue coming to those who wait. Augustus would call after finishing her suggested book.

Hazel was up late reading. On a course of late the next day. Her mom could TELL that Hazel was taking a liking to Augustus. Her mom was in celebration OVERDRIVE for Arbor Day. Hazel felt like lounging. Her mom wanted her to do something. It was suggested to hang out w/ friends to do that something. So after Hazel readied herself, her mom drove to her school. Making plans w/ friends during class. After school, Hazel's mom took her to the bookstore. After the bookstore, in which she found the continuation of the book Augustus suggested, she went to the food court. Pretty soon, Hazel met up w/ friends. Next came the ODD catch-ups w/ peers "your own age". They may be your same age numerically, but mentally and maturity says ALOT different. Hazel thought to include them in her details w/ Augustus. Either there was nothing to tell or she didn't want to ruin what could be. Of course, being young you lose sight of words that would/could be sensitive around her peers that might/could take advantage. Creating an awkward silence. Hazel bought a pair of flip-flops just as something within the trip. She was picking out something just to pick it out. NOTHING truly IMPORTANT. Hazel picked up the rest of a trilogy set to the first book she already had. She wanted to pick up the sequel book to begin reading while her "peers" were chatting, but she KNEW it would be rude, so she just watched her friends. She just wanted to get out of there. She feigned tiredness to get away. Hazel was blessed to get 2 hrs to HERSELF ALONE!

Hazel wasn't lying per se. She gave herself a way out from her friends. Making things sound worse than they TRULY were. After excusing herself, she found a bench at a location of the mall she KNEW her friends would NEVER visit, she sat down and began reading. UNABLE to put the book down. Hazel TRULY ENJOYED reading this series. Something she hadn't done since she was a kid. It was exciting. She was nearing the end of the book when she was interrupted by a little girl. The girl was asking about Hazel's oxygen. Hazel put it in a child's version to explain and understand. Then she gave her an example/sample. After that, the little girl and her mother left. Hazel returned to her book.

It HIT Hazel that the occurrence w/ her friends/"social peers" that the awkwardness was NOT a one-time thing. Any attempt to feign it was depressing. Outside of the interruption, Hazel TRULY loved & ENJOYED the SILENCE ALONE!

Throughout the book, An Imperial Affliction, Hazel sees it as one she identifies with. Due to the ending of the book, Hazel wrote to the publisher asking what happens after? Not a response back. When she was re-reading it, she kept wondering/imagining Augustus in the same position as her reading it. She wondered his reactions to the book. She kept her promise afterward, found his number and texted him with her opinions. He re-informed her of a promise to CALL not text. So he did. She was 453 pages in a 641 page book. Withholding an opinion until the book was finished. Then came chitchat about the books. Of course there are wanted hints. NOT A GIVEN CLUE OR HINT! The next morning, Hazel had a poetry class. After her mom picked her up, they drove to the local theater to see a film. When it finished, Hazel had 4 text messages from Augustus. He WANTED to know the mysterious end of this book. She replied when they got home.

When she called, Augustus answered on the 3RD ring. Hazel heard violent SOBBING on the other end of the line. He wanted to meet up w/ her in 20 minutes. When Hazel arrived at his house, he was in the basement w/ a friend, Isaac. They were playing The Price Of Dawn. Tears were streaming from Isaac's face. He COULDN'T take his eyes off his controller. Isaac was in the midst of his emotions after a recent breakup. All Isaac wanted was to cry and put his emotions into a video game. After the  game finished, Augustus pulled out his cigarette. The breakup Isaac was enduring was due to the girl unable to handle Isaac losing his eyesight. (keyword: handle). COMPLETELY UNFAIR & UNACCEPTABLE! Although it was promised, when you're young, you don't ALWAYS understand the promises you make. Isaac had a "fit" letting his emotions out. SMASHING ALL of Augustus' trophies in the process. PAIN NEEDS TO BE FELT & LET OUT. NOT FESTERING! Hazel did not speak to Augustus for a week since that night. Hazel tried to call once, now it was Augustus' turn. He didn't.

Although patiently waiting, Hazel occupied herself. "Life happens when making other plans." - John Lennon. Even though Hazel's phone was singing, thanks to a NO PHONES policy during dinner, it had to wait. After rushing herself through dinner and wanting to escape her parent's conversation of their own Peace Corps. past, Hazel KNEW & seen she had missed a call from Augustus Waters. Taking her phone outside for privacy. His reaction to the book was that he felt that Hazel gave him a gift. A gift of something IMPORTANT. Leading to a discussion about it. Augustus told her of his e-mail to the author. He read to her the response back. Augustus then gave her the corresponding e-mail. Hazel wrote one to him herself. After sending it, Hazel called Augustus back. They were up late discussing the book. Augustus informed her of tidbits from the book he suggested to her. It was part of a trilogy. Leading to a discussion of each other's own first kiss. His. After that, Augustus had to get to bed. 4 Hours later, the author had replied to Augustus. NOTHING was ever sent to Hazel. Augustus re-assured her of the okay, but Hazel still worried.

While Hazel was in class the next day, she received a text from Augustus about a friend who had gotten out of surgery. It was well despite his blindness. Hazel was granted permission from her mom to go see him post-surgery. She was apparently known as "Support Group Hazel". That lead to a discussion of their lives. When she arrived at the hospital, Hazel's friend was still mending and feeling the HURT of a recent breakup. In the midst of a discussion and saying something, meds that were given to him for pain were dozing him out. Hazel went to the gift shop and bought some carnations, hoping they had a STRONG scent. When she returned, his mom was there. Since he was out (of it,) Hazel gave the flowers to his mom and left. The next day, Hazel checked her e-mail.

The very first thing Hazel noticed was a reply from the author. He could never answer her questions unless in person. If she ever finds herself in Amsterdam. After updating her mom of the e-mail, Hazel's mom would LOVE to send her daughter on this trip. Except for one thing: finances. Hazel felt like her family's financial problems were due to her medical needs. She didn't want to take this trip and put them into even more debt. Hazel called Augustus . He suggested The Genie Foundation. Hazel had already used it to go to Disney World/Epcot Center when she was 13. Augustus couldn't believe that his crush did that. But Hazel only heard one word. Instead of being in school, Augustus was being there for a friend. He was doing schoolwork while his friend slept in the hospital. Augustus had to go when he heard the patient's mom coming.

Funky Bones
On a Saturday trip throughout Broad Ripple w/ the family, Augustus called. He was there when they got home, inviting her on a picnic and buying flowers. Since they were there, a chance arose for Augustus to meet Hazel's parents. After fixing herself up quick, Hazel could hear the chatter so she sat and listened through her bedroom door. Even though her dad was trying to be protective of his daughter, Augustus KNEW. When they left, Hazel had NO IDEA what surprise he had in store. As they were gone, Augustus went to his unlit cigarette. He was relentless. NOT TELLING her ANYTHING. Augustus took her to this oversize skeleton sculpture - Funky Bones by a Dutch artist. Augustus' plan was to give Hazel - Amsterdam. He gave her a picture of the Netherlands. He informed her of THE surprise. After talking to those who were in CHARGE of The Genie Foundation, Augustus made Hazel a co-chair/partner to have his wish with. Making this happen for Hazel. His wish had already come TRUE!(w/ her.)

At first, Hazel's mom was skeptical on the idea. After some convincing from her daughter, she began to ready things while Hazel went to rest. Hazel couldn't stop thinking of the moments w/ Augustus at the picnic. Her mind made her give negativity to an ENTIRELY POSITIVE situation. She called/texted a friend for advice. After informing her friend, Kaitlyn, of the situation, obviously Kaitlyn wanted "details". Giving her opinion. Then Hazel pulled out a laptop and looked up Augustus' girlfriend, Caroline Mathers, who had died a year ago prior of brain cancer. All of the pics were prior to a diagnosis. After awhile, Hazel went down for dinner. She couldn't forget what she seen. She lost her appetite. Hazel could NOT figure out why it BOTHERED her while trying to focus on dinner and family. Hazel's mom was NOTICING a change. EXPRESSING & MASKING her anger at the situation. She was fine. Wanting to go read for awhile.

While Hazel's parents argued, she was finding out about Caroline. Reading her tribute pages and such. The words she read made Hazel feel/wonder how she would be expressed after . . . . It scared her into trying to end things. KNOWING where he's been before. Hazel didn't want to put Augustus through it again. He GOT the message. At 4:00A, Hazel FELT an apocalyptic PAIN from behind her head. Hazel's screaming awoke parents, who went into PARENT mode, taking her the hospital. Hazel couldn't stop screaming due to the pain, but Hazel needed quiet. Next thing she knew, Hazel woke up in the ICU. Waking up to identify her surroundings, feeling tired when her parents came in. Everything hurt when she squeezed. Hazel's headache was caused by poor oxygen. Her lungs were swimming in a liter & 1/2 of fluid! of which had already been drained which explains the hurt. ALL of Hazel's pain was due to lack of oxygen and her heart working TOO HARD. After her parents left due to visiting hours, Hazel's nurse fed her some ice chips. Being taken care of. The nurse informed Hazel of a boy, assuming a boyfriend, who has NOT left the waiting room since Hazel got to the hospital. Hazel doesn't want him to see her like this. It was a Family Only rule. She eventually fell asleep. Hazel would get home 6 days later.

After everything was removed/taken out, Hazel changed into her "Go Home Clothes". All was gone except for Hazel's oxygen. Even though she was tired, Hazel's mom offered, w/ Hazel accepting, to go see Augustus. Her dad came back w/ Augustus a few minutes later. Augustus looked dishevelled. BOTH Augustus & Hazel lit up when they seen each other. After in which they were left alone for privacy. He missed her. Hazel was GRATEFUL to Augustus for not seeing her at her worst. Considering what they have both been through, looks/appearance really isn't that important. It really doesn't matter.

Shakespeare
Good news and bad news on the wish granting. Bad news - they couldn't go to Amsterdam until Hazel was better. Good news (in 2 parts): 1. pick up the trip when Hazel was well enough to go. 2. Augustus got a reply from the author that he shared w/ Hazel. "The fault within their stars crossing: Augustus was well, and Hazel was sick." Directed from Shakespeare. After reading the FULL letter of response, Hazel asked her mom if Hazel's doctor would allow international travel?
Bi PAP Machine

A couple of days later, Hazel and her doctors had a Cancer Team meeting to discuss the medical situations. Hazel was feeling better. Sleeping w/ a Bi PAP all night made her lungs feel almost normal. The meds were controlling tumor growth. The problem now is continual fluid accumulation. Where do you go now? Hazel's medicine is worsening her edema. But it would create more problems if DC'd (discontinued). Hazel's cancer was not going away. But a long lifeline has been seen before. For the time being, Hazel's fluid is manageable. With her health, Hazel's candidacy for a TX (transplant) was not good. It hurt her dad to hear that. During the worst of it when Hazel's lungs were searching for air and she was in the ICU, she heard her mom quietly say into her dad's chest whispering how she wouldn't be a mom anymore. That was at a worst when it looked like Hazel was going to die. THAT gutted Hazel pretty badly. She couldn't stop thinking of it during the Cancer Team meeting. They kept things the same w/ more fluid draining. At the end, w/ PROPER care, the doctor OKAY'D Hazel's trip to Amsterdam - if she was willing to take the chance and risks. On the way home, Hazel would NOT be going to Amsterdam unless w/ a SAFE medical agreement.

Augustus called after dinner. After breaking the news to him came the jokes. Augustus accidentally let it slip that he was a virgin. Even within their distance of time and space, Hazel & Augustus were in theirs. After getting off the phone, Hazel's parents settled in for a night of TV, meds & bed. After getting up late the next morning and being UP!, Hazel began crafting an e-mail to the author about why she couldn't come to Amsterdam. She crafted up an e-mail, but didn't send it. She proceeded to call Augustus when he got home from school. Hanging up when she got his voicemail. Hazel thought about all of the inspirational insights Augustus pointed out until he called back. She relays ALL of her sorrows onto him. Different factors that run together. He came over 20 minutes later. After he arrived, he seen Hazel's point. She was then him asking what he seen in her? He made her see past the problem in front of her. They went inside and together they wrote an ad to get rid of the swing set that upset her. Hazel once again pointed out the beauty that Augustus seen that she didn't. After it was done, they were together while Augustus read An Imperial Affliction while Hazel listened. Hazel slowly fell in love right then. An hour later an e-mail came in about the swing set. Before he left came a surprising kiss on the cheek. Hazel went to bed after dinner and no one seen the swing set again.

After Hazel got up the next day, she had an e-mail from the author's representation. Setting out a plan for a trip that Hazel & Augustus would embark. Hazel was granted her trip on her doctor's okay. Done as a COMPLETE surprise! Afterward she informed Augustus. Everything was on the UP! Hazel & Augustus were taking that trip!

The day before leaving for Amsterdam, Hazel returned to the Support Group. Her first return since meeting Augustus. After taking a seat from needing to sit, the elevator opened to reveal Issac and his mom. He had ahold of his mom's hand in his and a cane in the other. Hazel took a seat next to him. Next came Support Group routine. One patient within the group complimented & TRULY admired Hazel as an inspiration. After it was over, she assisted someone to the elevator, whom he left w/ his mom when she arrived. Due to feeling bad for him, Hazel accepted an invitation to come over to his house. Playing video games and having Augustus in common. In discussion, Hazel truthfully didn't want to hurt Augustus any more than he already has been.

When it was time to pack for the trip, they could only pack ONE suitcase. Even though they had a NOON flight, Hazel's mom awoke her at 5:30A, making sure EVERYTHING was PACKED & READY. After some breakfast, Hazel & her mom were READY to leave. During goodbyes to her dad, he began to get emotional. Hazel reminded him of it only being 3 days. Her dad was crying as they left.

After they left, they headed to Augustus' house where they could HEAR an argument between Augustus and his mom. Going back to the car as to NOT eavesdrop, texting him they were there. After abit, he texted back of an apparel dilemma. (What to wear?) Hazel's mom assisted Augustus w/ his bags while Hazel watched from the rear view mirror. Due to his leg, Hazel offered the front seat. Augustus adamantly declined. After arriving at the airport, Hazel felt a small breathing sigh of relief to NOT walk w/ her oxygen through metal security. She felt free w/ no disability if only for a minute. Arriving an hour before the gate/flight time. Augustus stopped for a bite before takeoff. Discussing Hazel's problem w/ eggs later. After not returning 20 minutes later, Hazel imagined all of the worsts. As boarding time FASTLY approached, Augustus rushed toward them returning w/ both his book bag and a McDonald's bag. Super long line.

Augustus assisted Hazel up as they were pre-boarding. Hazel was uncomfortable w/ the staring of those watching. Next was the direction of seating and finding your comfort ability. While Augustus may look fine on the outside, his sickness didn't show. With Hazel having oxygen + more, it was evident. Reason being of why Hazel is a homebody. The stares and glares. Augustus tried to pull out his cigarette, explaining his cigarette theory of its being. He had to put it back. Augustus & Hazel adjoined hands during takeoff. He was nervous due to not ever flying before. With Hazel's mom watching, Hazel tried to comfort Augustus. It was a quick flight. Next came a car taking them to Amsterdam. After the in-flight movie, Hazel, her mom & Augustus all took something to put them to sleep for the rest of the flight. Her mom slept while Hazel & Augustus looked out the window. The pills didn't take effect. They watched 300. Getting comfortable to watch the movie together. Augustus was enjoying the film. Hazel looked at him. After the film finished, Hazel read a long poem:Howl for her poetry class while Augustus re-read An Imperial Affliction. Augustus asked Hazel to read a sample to him. He then confessed that he was in love w/ her/Hazel Grace. Even though she felt joy at hearing that, Hazel couldn't say anything. She couldn't say anything back . . . .all it took was a LOOK!

After dozing off a bit, Hazel awoke to the landing gear coming down. When they left, they were taken off by taxi. Hazel thought Holland looked like Indianapolis, aside from prominent landmarks. From the taxicab came a city tour. They were staying at the Hotel De Filosoof. On the desk in their hotel room stood a wicker basket FULL of gifts from the Genie's representing Holland. While her mom toured the city, Hazel rested in their room w/ the BiPAP. When she awoke a few hours later, Hazel's mom was sitting in a chair reading a guidebook. Instead of touring the city, Hazel's mom sat reading in case a child needs her mom. Hazel's mom would do her share of private touring while Augustus & Hazel had a reserved dinner. Everything was privately set. Her mom sent her 16-yr-old daughter alone w/ a 17-yr-old boy out in a city known for permissiveness. Augustus was prompt in his 6:00P arrival. (NOON back home) After the compliments from all parties, they took a train to their destination. Exploring the city along the way.

After switching trams and 4 more stops, they arrived at a street split by a beautiful canal and beautiful picturesque settings. Next stop was a beautiful restaurant. Champagne compliments of the restaurant. What surrounded them was the city of Holland COMING TO LIFE! The problem is when you're NEW to it, it's a gift. When you're used to it, it's no longer having that magic. With a special dinner came an opportunity for new experiences and unforgettable memories. Nights like these only come periodically (or once) in a lifetime. A night to be remembered. EVERYTHING was perfect. Despite REALITY within . . .Even though Hazel's cancer was terminal, her treatments were in pursuit of life extension. Augustus LIVED w/ uncertainty. He KNEW and began asking his parents for funeral prep. Hazel informed Augustus of their reality. They were on a date and his eyes lit up!

A discussion of each's own belief in the afterlife. Upsetting Hazel in the process. After stating his TRUTH, it made Hazel like him even more. The meal was paid for by Mr. Peter Van Houton. As they were taking in the night, they were anxious of the meeting of the author the next day. It had occur ed to Hazel how much this book TRULY MATTERED to Augustus independently from her. Next came a private canal ride. The situations surroundings made Hazel think of Augustus' ex, Caroline Mathers. Hazel was inquisitive to ask what happened? He gave Hazel a history of his past relationship. Even though Augustus was bettering w/ chemo, Caroline was worsening. When Caroline was able to go home, Augustus thought  they could have a real relationship. She had NO filter to herself which was somewhat hurtful. Even then, Augustus couldn't dump her and do that to her. There were MOMENTS when Caroline wasn't herself. Inappropriately taking her out of herself and her character. The tumor she had may or may not have eaten her brain. Losing herself as she got sicker. Even through the heartache he's been through already, Augustus seen it a privilege in having his heart broken by Hazel Grace Lancaster.

Hazel was up at 4:00A. Any attempts to sleep failed, occupying herself until her mom woke up at 6:00A. TODAY was the OFFICIAL meeting day w/ author Peter Van Houton. Hazel spent 30 minutes debating w/ her mom over wardrobe. As the morning passed, Hazel's nervous were accelerated. When they arrived, Augustus took Hazel by one arm and had her oxygen tank w/ the other. Hazel's heart was pounding. When meeting Mr. Van Houton, he was unsure at first of who they were until being reminded. At first, he was completely dismissing them. Augustus & Hazel could hear it all. After which, they were greeted at the door. They came upon garbage bags full. Full of unopened fan letters. That explained why he never responded to Hazel's. While fixing himself a scotch, he offered one to them. Hazel & Augustus politely refused. After his drink, it became a discussion of the book. More of his drinking continued. He was giving Hazel & Augustus the answers they've come to seek. Mr. Van Houton was becoming VERY RUDE with his answers.

He was looking for the MOST HURTFUL ways of telling his truth. Being obnoxious in the ENTIRETY of this proccess. After EVERYTHING they've been through and coming all this way and hijacking Augustus' wish, Hazel WANTED an answer to her questions. After voices were raising, Augustus HAD TO pull Hazel out of the room. As they were making their way back to the hotel, Hazel started crying. Comforting Hazel by promising to write an ending for her. Making up for what they just experienced. Mr. Van Houton's NOW former assistant was taking them to the Anne Frank House. The former assistant HAD TO get away from him. Augustus was holding and protecting Hazel. They wanted to go. They still had 2 days left in Amsterdam and wasn't letting Mr. Van Houton ruin them.

You can write a GREAT body of work. That doesn't exclude you to just be HUMAN of GRATITUDE! All the former assistant could do was express her sorrow & embarrassment. When they arrived, they were unaware of deep stairs due to Augustus. Hazel had trouble accomplishing them, but made it. In a moment of pure enjoyment, Hazel Grace couldn't help but kiss Augustus Waters. They didn't know it would be in front an audience watching. After noticing, Augustus nervously smiled & bowed as Hazel curtsied. After making their way downstairs, the tour continued. It was wet and rainy when they drove back to the hotel. Standing in the rain for a minute, Augustus seen more of Hazel's beauty. As they were to step out of the elevator to the floor to their room, Augustus barely had his balance. Just out of shape. He was scared & petrified as to how Hazel would see ALL of his physicality. Hazel was assertive at telling him to get over himself. After needing to help him, kissing as they fumbled for the room key. Passionately giving their virginities (or hers) to each other! Due to the day itself and the incidents ensued, Augustus was exhausted after and fell asleep. In which, Hazel wrote him a love letter.

Over coffee the next morning, Hazel & Augustus told her mom of the encounter w/ Peter Van Houton. Afterward they told of the Anne Frank House. After coffee finished, Hazel & Augustus were left alone. They had gone to check out Maslow's Hierarchy Of Needs. It occurred to Hazel that she always thought Augustus could leave her because he'd once been sick. Never dawning on her that maybe he still was. He confessed that just before she went into the I.C.U., he began to feel an ache in his hip. That made Hazel panic. He went for a PET scan.

The scan seen that the lining of his chest, his left hip, his liver - EVERYWHERE was covered. He sensed that Hazel's mom knew where he was coming from not to say anything. They both began to break down. Dropping anchor. After awhile, they laid together as he confessed to already beginning chemo. But, he gave it up to go to Amsterdam. That infuriated his parents. Hazel recalls hearing the argument that morning. Augustus felt like he conned Hazel into falling in love w/ a healthy person. He didn't see a battle won. Only lost. There was NO honor in dying of. NO glory in illness. He just wanted to forget it and go on w/ life as "normal" as possible.

On the flight home, Augustus & Hazel ordered champagne. Toasting to each other. Chalking up the champagne experience as a "Cancer Perk".  Augustus seemed to zone out due to chest pain all of a sudden. Hazel went into his backpack digging for pills, taking one w/ the champagne. He sat there waiting for it to take effect. Soon falling asleep. Hazel's dad was awaiting to pick them up from the airport. After getting home, Hazel told her dad what Augustus told her during the trip. He ALREADY KNEW! Her dad read An Imperial Affliction while they were gone. The next day, Hazel drove to Augustus' house, spending the day w/ his parents while he slept napping on the couch. Hazel could see him sleeping w/ a PICC line already in. His treatment consisted of 2 chemo drugs and a protein receptor. Hazel KNEW what meds they were. After awhile, Hazel, Augustus & Issac were there catching up. When she was getting up for a minute, it had HIT & OCCURRED to her that she was perhaps the healthiest out of all 3 of them. Hazel drove while Augustus was shotgun. They went to the store where, by Augustus' instructions, Hazel bought eggs that were later used to vandal Monica's car for doing Issac dirty - completing the mission with SUCCESS!

The next day was a get together dinner w/ Hazel's parents and Augustus' parents. Augustus was admitted to the hospital a week later due to chest pains. Hazel was there the next morning to visit. When she arrived, she came upon Augustus' mom talking on a cellphone. His mom told Hazel was she knew: A tough night. Augustus' heart was working too hard. He needed to scale back on activity. Bound to wheelchairs. New medicine to better his pain. It was previously agreed to be FAMILY ONLY visitors. Hazel couldn't see him. She felt bad due to possibly missing an opportunity. Hazel STAYED hanging out within the waiting area. Keeping herself busy flipping through memories on her phone. 2 Weeks Later, Hazel wheeled Augustus across the art park toward Funky Bones w/ an expensive bottle of champagne and her oxygen tank in his lap. The champagne was donated by one of Augustus' doctors. BEING THERE IN THE MOMENT!

Augustus may NOT have been the boy Hazel seen at Support Group, but he was still there! Even though the sickness was getting him, Augustus still intended to write Hazel that sequel. He told Hazel of what he would've written. After lunch, they strolled to the backyard. He was well enough to push his own wheelchair. They went inside when Augustus needed meds, fed though him w/ a G-Tube. His family was watching video memories of Augustus. He was varsity freshman in basketball. After getting into bed and covered, they just lay together. Eventually they fell asleep that way. Waking up later to play video games. Finally, his dad came in and dragged Augustus back upstairs. Hazel knelt to kiss him goodnight. Going home at the end of the day. Waking up the next day to return again.

A month after getting home, Augustus was sleeping downstairs. Hazel LOUDLY knocked before entering, trying to get his attention. She found him mumbling in his own jibberjabber. He'd pissed the bed. It was awful. Hazel couldn't look. She shouted for his parents. They came down to clean him up while Hazel went upstairs. When she returned, he was waking up from his meds - slowly. Trying to play it a normal day but Augustus was too exhausted. Hazel didn't say anything. She wanted him to forget her presence, hoping he would NOT remember. But he did. To Hazel, it was NO BIG DEAL, even though Augustus was mortified. The thing is - Augustus was sick and truly couldn't help it. He confessed that he thought his obituary would MEAN SOMETHING SPECIAL. Not just another story in the paper. Hazel wanted him to write one for her. He didn't think he would make it to write hers. Hazel was frustrated. She just wanted to be enough for him. He KNEW her frustrations. He GOT what she was saying. Changing the situations before regretful things  were said. See your situations for what they are. You're not going to be everything you wanted.

Hazel woke up to a specialized ringtone to her phone meaning Augustus. At first, she thought something happened. It was him. He was calling from a gas station. SOMETHING WAS WRONG!! It was 2:55A.M. He did something wrong w/ his G-Tube and needed Hazel's help. She was going to call 911. If she did call anyone, he would NEVER forgive her. He needed HELP w/ his medicine. He was sobbing. She was in a mode: I HAVE TO GET THERE! She left a note to her parents and DARTED! Wondering why on the way there. She pulled up next to his car. He was covered in his own vomit holding the site to his G-Tube. It seen that his sight was infected. He puked - letting it out. He was originally there to buy a pack of cigarettes. He lost his original. He felt that he wanted to go do something for himself. Hazel was sorry, but she HAD to dial 911.

Augustus looked at Hazel horribly. The man Hazel fell in love w/ was gone, replaced by the one in front of her. He HATED what the illness has made of him. Being who he was into who he is. He was in tears. He wanted his chance to be someone GREAT! He was someone who refused pity. He was screaming & crying, poisoned by his G-Tube. Hazel was THERE when he NEEDED someone. To keep him alert until ambulance arrival, Hazel recited a poem from memory. She worked on it as the ambulance drove past them. For someone who doesn't write poetry, Augustus liked what Hazel wrote while waiting for the pickup.

hospital bed
Augustus came home from the hospital a few days later, permanently robbed of his ambitions. More medicine for pain removal. He permanently moved upstairs into a hospital bed near the living room window. ALL he could see was his last shred of dignity. Letting herself in the next day due to his parents instructions. Augustus' FAMILY was there. Including Hazel as one of them. After he woke up, the first thing he wanted was for Hazel to take him outside. SPENDING QUALITY TIME w/ Augustus & his family.

Hazel had taken a day off from visiting Augustus due to feeling unwell herself. Just tiredness. He did call her later in the day. She heard the voice that she fell in love with. He asked if she could meet him at a specified church around 8P? Although she had Support Group planned, Hazel went to meet Augustus. She then began to undo her BiPAP. A fight erupted w/ her parents. Reminding them of who she was pre-Augustus. Hazel's dad grabbed her arm. But her cannula was getting unable to be put on - making it harder to breathe. Her dad let her go, connecting her to the machine for oxygen. Although still angry, Hazel could see the guilt in his eyes. After things were finished, Hazel went to her room to write about Augustus. Her parents tried to knock on the door, but she reminded them of her doing something IMPORTANT! It took Hazel FOREVER to find the words of what she wanted to say. But, it wasn't enough. Hazel wasn't happy with it. When it was finished, it was 7:40P. Hazel didn't have time to change. Going in what she had on: cotton pajama pants, flip-flops & Augustus' Butler shirt. They would NOT let it go until she agreed to be home EVERY SINGLE NIGHT! It took her the ENTIRE night to calm down about her parents. After arriving, Hazel parked behind Augustus' car. When arriving, ALL Hazel seen was a wheelchair-bound Augustus, who was rail thin. He was facing Hazel from the center of the circle. He complimented her. Isaac was clinging to a little wooden lectern. She sat where he wanted her to sit - next to him. Augustus wanted to attend his funeral. Asking Hazel to speak. During her time to speak, Hazel began to cry during her eulogy.

Augustus Waters had died 8 days later in the I.C.U. when the cancer stopped his heart.  He was with his mom, dad & sisters. Hazel was contacted at 3:30A. She had talked to his dad before going to bed. He advised her of his son's passing and the probability of it being that night. After looking at the caller I.D., it was his mom. After Hazel answered, she fell apart. He was unconscious for a couple of hours before he died. Hazel's parents came in and they KNEW. Falling into each other feeling REALITY hitting too close to home. After informing Issac, all Hazel wanted to do was call Augustus Waters about the death of Augustus Waters. Hazel's parents were THERE for their daughter. After given time to be alone, it was unbearable for Hazel Grace Lancaster. EVERY SECOND WORSE than the LAST. NO AMOUNT of medicine could help Hazel's pain. Her pain was at a FULL 10. Finally, she did call his phone . . . only to get voicemail. Hearing his voice that she fell in love with. Waiting for that feeling, but it never came. NO comfort. Finally, Hazel hung up.

Hazel got out a laptop and went to his page w/ condolences pouring in.  Making Hazel wonder if she would be given or shown the same respected treatment? Who would and what would be said about her? Augustus' funeral was 5 days away - Saturday. Hazel knew these people were GENUINELY sad, but where were they when the worst was poached? After awhile, Hazel returned to her family who was there to comfort her. She began crying again. Her parents were THERE as Hazel broke through an EMOTIONAL floodgate.

When they arrived at the services, Hazel sat in the back of the visitation room watching as people went up to the coffin. Augustus' parents were next to the coffin hugging people as they passed. When they noticed Hazel, smile and move on. Hugging his mom and she held on for a moment. Their son TRULY LOVED Hazel. It felt like being emotionally stabbed when talking to Augustus' parents. While 4 parents talked, his & hers, Hazel disconnected herself from her oxygen, went up to Augustus' casket solo for them to have and share a private moment. Hazel was in charge to say goodbye . . . NOT her lungs. She could see him as she approached his casket. They shared one last moment together. When no one was noticing, Hazel opened the clutch, reached in, pulled out a hard pack of Camel Lights and snuck them into the space between his side and the plush silver lining of the coffin. While talking to him, Hazel's parents arrived bringing her her oxygen tank. What the minister was saying during the services upset Hazel. Her dad grabbed her by the knee, giving her a disappointing look. Next came words from those who "knew" Augustus. Then the minister directed for Hazel to speak. He described Hazel as Augustus' "special friend" which she quickly corrected him as Augustus' girlfriend. She read from the eulogy she'd written.

After the funeral services, one of Augustus' brother's-in-law brought up a boom box playing a song Augustus had picked out. Hazel didn't want to go to the after service. Her parents wanted her to be there for Augustus' parents. She didn't want to do what was coming at the grave site. Bringing too much REALITY to the situation. But Hazel did & more. Her parents thought it was appropriate. Hazel noticed & spoke to Peter Van Houton after it was over. In a wonderment, she wondered how he got there and knew of Augustus' passing? Her parents introduced themselves. He shook their hands. It astounded Hazel. Peter Van Houton flew halfway around the world to attend a funeral. Hazel and her dad gave him a ride. She took a sip from Van Houton's whiskey. Van Houton confessed that he and Augustus had corresponded a bit up until his last ____. Augustus' wrote that Van Houton would be absolved of his behavior in Amsterdam if he attended Augustus' funeral and told Hazel what they wanted to KNOW from his book An Imperial Affliction. So there he was . . . FINALLY telling Hazel what they had WANTED to KNOW! She NO LONGER wanted to know. Mr. Van Houton PROVED himself when they were in Amsterdam. Hazel didn't want to hear what he had to say. Hazel then threw him out of the car to where he silently left. He looked sad, making Hazel feel somewhat bad for him. Going home, Hazel was exhausted.

When Hazel went to brush her teeth, she realized there were 2 kinds of adults in which she gives her thesis on.  Seeing that, she has already seen everything pure & gold in the world. Hazel's dad came and entered the bathroom. He was sorry about Augustus. He seen what attracted his daughter to fall in love with Augustus.

A couple of days later, Hazel drove and went over to Isaac's house where they played video games. Giving the game instructions on what to do. They both didn't like living in a world without Augustus Waters. Leading to a discussion of talking. Augustus TRULY  LOVED Hazel. She inadvertently found out that Augustus had begun writing a sequel to the book for Hazel shortly after returning from Amsterdam. That made Hazel wonder how far Augustus had gotten in writing!? Hazel needed a copy of what's left. She dashed to go get it. When she got in the car and drove, Peter Van Houton was sitting in the backseat. He was still wearing his funeral suit a week later. He was there to apologize and tell Hazel she was TRULY RIGHT in her words to him. Mr. Van Houton would NOT get out the car. He reminded her of a saint that had the same cancer as Augustus, pointing out similarities. He began to break down. He apologized for ruining their trip. It was then that Hazel realized that Mr. Van Houton also had a loss. His 8-yr-old daughter. After talking a bit, Hazel suggested he go home and sober up some.  All of his emotions went into a bottle.

It was the worst kind of air for Hazel when she arrived at Augustus' parents house. Hazel didn' know what to say to them. Next, Augustus' sisters w/ their kids came in. Afterwards, Hazel went to the location of what Augustus had left for her. After searching and surrounding herself in his scent, NOTHING was found - except for that.

Three days later, with thanks to a message left from his dad, Hazel finds out Augustus left her some notebook pages that he had apparently torn out. But, where did he leave them? The next day, Hazel went to pick up Isaac to go to Support Group. When she arrived, Hazel was on a mental search as to where Augustus hid the pages. Wearing herself out at Support Group looking. Isaac began talking about true love during his speech. Hazel remained quiet for the rest of Support Group. After it was over and Hazel had taken Isaac to the car, they had all gone home. When they got home, Hazel's parents wanted her to take it easy. She couldn't. She had worn herself out in her search. Her mom wanted her daughter to eat dinner. Hazel couldn't. Her mom thought her daughter was starving herself in lieu of Augustus' passing. Hazel was pissed off at the world. EVERYTHING came out in a fit of anger. Regrettable things were said. Whether Hazel was alive or not . . . . her mom will ALWAYS be in "mom mode".

Hazel DID NOT want her parents to stop living if she died. Her mom was TRULY researching what to do if . . . .! That TRULY mad Hazel feel better. Her parents would FIND a way of moving on! Considering their options. Hazel's mom wasn't imagining a world without her daughter, she was getting some use out of her experiences. Hazel was crying out of GENUINE HAPPINESS for her mother. After finding it out came a daughter's questionnaire as well as the future of her parents' marriage. Would Hazel's passing be the end of a marriage? Whatever happens will be seen together. Hazel spent the rest of the night trying to keep dinner down.

Thanks to a bad dream, Hazel woke up panicked! After getting help from her mom and becoming OKAY, Hazel took a phone call. During the conversation, the ANSWER of where Augustus had left the pages, for her thanks to a friend, the ANSWER hit her: Mr. Van Houton. Hazel HAD TO get off the phone and CHECK! She reached for her laptop and e-mailed the source. She received a response later that afternoon. Hazel wondered if Augustus had written Van Houton in his last days instead of her? Augustus' sequel being read by Van Houton would clear ALL debts. She tried to busy herself while anxiously awaiting an e-mail back. Her mind kept wondering back to Amsterdam. Seeing others in their relationships. Hazel felt robbed. Realizing what she is/would be missing of a future. Back-drawing on her thoughts, Hazel realized her life expectancy was greater than others.

To celebrate a HISTORIC event in France, Hazel and her family celebrated w/ a picnic in the park. Feeling like REAL summer in Indianapolis. After lunch, the family drove to Crown Hill Cemetery to visit Augustus. Leaving behind a little French flag at the foot of his new grave. Hazel FINALLY heard a response back from her e-mail. It was pointed out that he/Van Houton owed it to his deceased daughter to read Augustus' letter. Hazel clicked and read his response to the letter sent. Informing Hazel of the pain he's been through with the loss of his daughter. Loss is pain. Something they both know ALOT about.




In 2014, a film was based on this remarkable book telling this story of the same title of the love story of Hazel and Augustus w/ Shailene Woodley as Hazel Grace Lancaster and Ansel Elgort as Augustus Waters.









"It's not about the destination or where you're going, it's the journey you take in getting there!"

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