Ask Wendy: Straight-Up Advice For All The Drama In Your Life

This new book is one that is NOT a guide for your life. It is however her hilarious, but TRUTHFUL take on Life's questions. The ENTIRE creation of this book is to expand and say what you COULDN'T on public television in only a way that she can. Saying EVERYTHING that she LITERALLY can't within a 30 second segment. HERE it is . . . .what she TRUTHFULLY wants to say in only a way that makes her HER! From the reigning queen of daytime TV and radio, here she is, the "How You Doin'?" lady herself, Wendy Joan Williams.

From friendships, relationships, being there for one another and NOT being sucked into someone else's drama. (You aren't being selfish; you just have your own to contend with.) Details and advice on how to PROPERLY say no when feeling backed into a corner without being or maybe looked at negatively. Or how to completely flip a situation. Take a negative and make it a positive. People are in your life for either a reason or a season. Some things are MEANT to LAST, but some things sadly AREN'T. HONEST & TERRIFIC examples that SCREAM Omission is betrayal.

When it comes to marriage, NO MATTER how it HURTS, Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy. "Sometimes the cure is a clean conscience." For Wendy, there are certain expectations. The give and takes of a friendship. When to say something and when to let it go. Wendy her personal stories to get the point across. "The people who know you best are the ones well equipped to push your buttons."

Wendy admits that her BIG mistake in finding a man was using a mental checklist. After seeing her parents' 55-yr-old marriage, she had an idealistic view of what marriage is. Certain education and standards don't always make the best fit. Her background allotted Wendy to have certain expectations when finding someone. As a result, Wendy wound up dating a lot of gay men. After Wendy's first marriage ended after 6 months, she got involved w/ ones she KNEW were ALL WRONG for her. Her fairytale prince was a guy from the wrong side of the tracks. (Opposites Attract) Struggle is something that builds character. Things happen, but love will find a way. One key factor is to NOT sacrifice your youth (aside from your young kids) for the sake of a man/relationship. Depending on the situation at hand, they're an ex for a reason.

On November 30, 1998, Wendy Williams married her husband, Kevin Hunter at a Justice Of The Peace in New Jersey. An intimate ceremony that was just them. No family or friends. After they were married, Kevin went back to his detail shop in Jersey City and closed it up while Wendy ordered Chinese food. They're still happy 15 years later. Wendy details different aspects of her own life and TRUE examples that detail her side of certain situations.

Wendy had dated a man, pre-Kevin, who was 11 years older than her. They were both working at radio station Kiss 98.7 in New York City. She was making over $100,000/year as a DJ while he was in sales. After dating for a year, he asked her to marry him. (She had thought it was something you were supposed to do at 28.) She said yes! She should've seen the writing on the wall. Wendy was throwing up at every sense of the planning. Her parents had to take over. (An "if-I-knew-then" situation.) A wedding of 250 people, a yacht-club reception in September and a week-long honeymoon in Brazil. When they returned, she KNEW the honeymoon was over. They were divorced 5 months later. They had the fight of their lives. Since they worked different hours, Wendy knew she could call a moving van and have his stuff in storage. Nothing SERIOUS was involved. No kids or property together. No messiness. They still had to be co-workers. Awkward. Don't let one issue become THE issue. Get out before it gets ugly.

Wendy has her own experiences with a cheating husband. It HONESTLY HURTS LIKE HELL! Given the fact that it happened more than once during the time she was pregnant. Wendy had several miscarriages before being able to have their son, Little Kev'. During that time, Big Kev' had cheated on her. He was COMPLETELY at blame. He KNEW what he had to lose. She didn't find out until 2 months after Little Kev' was born. She had overheard him on the phone w/ the other woman. It TRULY woke Wendy up! Her parents were there and seen it all unravel. They had some very volatile fights at the time. She HAD to learn to let go. LEARN to TRUST again. They are more together now than they were before. (Together 19 - married 15) Strangely enough, Wendy and Kevin are better as a couple having survived and worked on this together. Wendy is one that cooks 3 times a week. Do not underestimate the power of love that comes from an oven. Appreciate the value and work cooking a meal brings.

Wendy was 29 when she met Kevin who was 26. She was a popular deejay at a roller rink in New Jersey, always being asked to work parties and events. She was single on a random night. There was something about Kevin. He was owner of a hair salon and a party promoter. They both drove a Pathfinder at the time. He had left her a note w/ a message. She didn't call right away. 2 days later, Wendy was about to get off of her shift at the radio station and noticed his number at the bottom of her bag. She was upfront and after they went to eat, Wendy fell in love with him. She likes a tough guy. After going to Brooklyn to close up his salon, he took her to his apartment. Just a dinner that became more. You never know when love is going to come. After talking all night, they've been together ever since. Wendy puts on NO AIRS when on her first date w/ Kevin. Be who you are on the first date.

At the age of 22, Wendy had her college degree in one hand and an empty slate in the other. She tells of genuine good advice of what NOT to do on a first date faux pas, including one solid perfect RULE that says ALOT on the first date: 2 drink alcohol maximum. Wendy is the first to advise not to overlook the obvious. Just because his exterior is of a toad, doesn't mean there isn't a prince inside. Wendy married hers. Don't presume due to a hectic schedule. They may be busy for completely different reasons. (ex. - dialysis/hemodialysis. Believe me -I honestly know!)


Wendy lost her virginity when she was 17 in the summer of 1981. Going into her senior year of high school. Completion was in his basement. (The big entertainment sections for the '70s & '80s.) His parents were out. Wendy retells the "losing her virginity" story from there. She tells you that sex is a great stress buster and not just for exercise.

As you age, not only do you mature, but you also begin to see your mother/father as a person. KNOWING them. NOT as a parent, but MORE! With Wendy, in ALL 100% CERTAINTY, if her mom was her age, mother & daughter would NOT be friends. They are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! When Wendy was growing up, her mom was beautiful & fit, Wendy wasn't. Even w/ her own beauty, Wendy was not of "regular" size and could NOT get above a C in most classes to save her own life. She began to connect herself as soon as she found herself and solidified her success. As a mother/daughter grow, whether together or apart, they see each other for who they are! You began to appreciate & TRULY value your mother's sacrifices when you become a parent yourself. When your a mom (depending on the situation) NO ONE is as good as YOURS! When Wendy had Little Kev; she had been on bed rest for 9 months and being a career girl, she wanted to go back to work and lose the baby weight - ALL 103 LBS of it. After she collapsed in her bedroom and her mom found her hiding from the world very upset, crying and feeling alone, Wendy felt she was failing her 1-month old son. Her mother sat down on the floor w/ her and hugged her daughter. Being there and a MOTHER to her daughter.

Wendy had tearfully buried her face into her mom's shoulder sobbing & thinking she couldn't do it. They had immediately packed the car and went to the store for the alternative. It was a pure moment of compassion & understanding between mother and daughter. 13 years later, Wendy is a pretty damn good mom. When it comes to marriage, at times, when you marry someone sometimes you marry their family. There comes a time when you either do 1 of 2 things: either put up or shut up or snooze and loose. You love the one you married, but there is a fine line w/ WHO you love; "I married my husband/wife. I didn't marry you (the problem)" There comes/should be a point when mothering takes a different aspect. Instead of telling, become an advised when needed. DO NOT compare yourself to other mothers. You can see or foresee things to do or be done different. You seen it being done in one area and the result. I'm taking a different approach.

Give yourself some luxury by doing for you without ignoring your kid. Don't allow your child to give you that "constant" breakdown. Appropriately fix the mess before it worsens. Don't give away control to your kid and not be able to get it back.

After incidents that have happened throughout the world, Wendy is GENUINELY APPRECIATIVELY GRATEFUL for the good points in life. Allowing the negativity to just roll down her back. NOT one to make a mountain out of a molehill. EVERYONE in EVERY FAMILY HAS DRAMA! When it comes to siblings in trouble, if your parents won't take you at a maturable word, let them find out for themselves. If they don't see it, make it ease able access for them too! In another situation, BE UPFRONT & TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL! When it comes to someones addiction, Help will only be of VALUE if taken within GOOD USE! Obviously, there is no secret of Wendy's addictions. There was a time in her life when she was HEAVILY involved in illegal substances. Wendy's drug of choice was cocaine. No one could/can say anything. Thankfully, Wendy ended up cleaning herself up after realizing she TRULY was at a dead end, hurting everyone around her. Wendy's STRONG wise word of advice is to: Be there. Be supportive, but you can only do so much. Change has to come from them. Wendy does give WONDERFUL & RELATABLE tips on fixing family feuds. Fighting and grudging, open mindedness, patientness & being a better person.
                                         
                                        A better explained example of addiction from Wendy

Sometimes people don't want to simultaneously "air their laundry" out to the world. It is COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE! There is also a 3RD party that CAN at times shed a different light and bring a NEW perspective on the situation. Not in a sense of butting in, but seeing things w/ a COMPLETELY NEW attitude. Sometimes in life, it's NOT that there's always good & bad, but things aren't always what they seem. When it comes to family drama, Good rules of thumb to keep in mind to avoid discordance.

1. Boundaries are a MUST
2. Keep calm without blowing up
3. Gossip invites drama/trouble
4. Be the bigger person
5. Unless at their discretion, stay off certain subjects to avoid discomfort
6. In THE END, Family is FAMILY!

Wendy's son, "Little Kev'" is becoming a teenager. Entering those years. Wendy's BIGGEST fear is that as he gets older, the OPEN DIALOGUE of conversation will stop. Going to his friends for advice or the world's opinion rather than his own mother. Wendy and Little Kev' have had their mother/son time since he was born. Having lunch every single Saturday. Eating lunch with seats & tablecloth at a reasonably good restaurant, sit across each other and genuinely TALK about life. From friends-to-girls and everything in-between. They listen and hear each other out. Wendy has stated to him that she would kill him if he had a baby prematurely before its time. He KNOWS his mom MEANS BUSINESS. Kev' loves his mother and respects her. He KNOWS her as someone who has lived enough to KNOW right from wrong. They both tell each other "what time it is." NOTHING can replace a mother's love for her child. 

                                                         Barney Fife - Nip It In The Bud

Certain behavior from your child cause for the "Barney Fife" effect. When it's YOUR kid and you KNOW there's SOMETHING wrong, there is NO CAUSE/REASON to be one "asking for permission" as the child's MOTHER! FOLLOW YOUR GUT! There are times when your kid will try to pull you into their side of the story:"They did this/don't like me because of ___". This requires further investigation on your part. Talk to WHOMEVER you have to! Get to the BOTTOM of the FULL story before automatic finger pointing or "mother mode" ass kicking. As a parent/parental figure, when you see suspicious behavior from your child, you can either do the lock & handcuff thing or keep them away from the temptations by finding out before they do by getting into their Facebook account and find out things. SEE what's going on and BE IN THE KNOW BEFORE they do. You ALREADY KNOW the score BEFORE they finish the game. As a mother of a teenage son, for Wendy it's all about the trust factor. Use whatever Jedi mind tricks to convince them you're NOT the bad guy. You want them to be safe and happy, but you also want them to be the ones they come to!

There is ALOT of DIFFERENCE in parenting that I/Jeremy Carroll have personally had and what goes on TODAY! When I was growing up, my mom was able to "nip it". NOWADAYS some parents TODAY act like they CONSTANTLY HAVE to call in reinforcement back-up. NO DOUBT kids will do things, that is when you take a small problem and solve it BEFORE it becomes GIGANTIC! If you HAVE TO fly the parental plane solo, so be it. Calling in reinforcements will/can BITE YOU IN THE ASS! What happened to a parent who had & accomplished both tasks of being both friend and foe?

When it pertains to your child's sexuality, when one parent is supportive and the other isn't, THAT would NOT be a person Wendy could live with. A mother KNOWS, in one aspect or another. The BEST suggestion is to BE THERE AND SUPPORTIVE of your child. When your child's sexuality divides a marriage, you CHOOSE YOUR CHILD! Divorce could be in the cards. Discrimination is EVERYWHERE in the world. DON'T make your child FEEL it at home. THAT is the LAST place they should FEEL it.

Even with the shows SUCCESS, Wendy KNOWS it could be INSTANTLY GONE! She is very REALISTIC. She wonders the next stop if? What would be next? The BIGGEST mistake people make in their work is becoming TOO COMFORTABLE & LAZY with their position. Long ago, people would collect a gold watch for their YEARS of service - not anymore. Most people keep moving When you're in a JAM with your job, stick it out until you're able to have an IMMEDIATE job as a backup. I'm NOT saying to be a punching bag, but head down until it's OVER. The battle is won and you're a SUCCESS for surviving. Do your research in the background while you're hard at work onstage. BE PREPARED! One of the most HONORABLE ways to get ahead in life is by EARNING it and MERIT! Selling yourself with a price tag has NO honor. The BEST way to get ahead in life is by DOING THE WORK! Wendy's SUCCESS within her 25-yr-career has come from being EARNED through the work it takes to achieve her goal. Wendy has NO respect for women who use themselves to get ahead. If Wendy loses her job due to a woman who DIDN'T earn it, at least she/Wendy still had her integrity intact. Something the other o=woman didn't have to begin with.

Speak up when someone else snakes the credit for the work you put into a project. Sooner rather than later. The BEST solution is to TAKE ACTION & POWER away from the deviant when being sexually harassed at work. Complain/tell whomever you NEED to. DON'T run away from it. If you run - they win. KNOW your rights as an employee. Follow EVERY step to a letter. Have evidentiary support for your claim. TAKE the APPROPRIATE NECESSARY steps. ALWAYS keep your attitude IN CHECK! Whatever drama is in your life HAS TO be/become white noise when you enter and start in the workplace.  DO NOT confuse being a bitch w/ being a FIERCE leader. If no changes an be made within ANY situation, have your resume READY!

When health issues evade your capability to WORK your job 100%, the boss may want to fire you from the team that scouts its players. JUST AS/MORE than the rest. But the TRUTH & REALITY is that your health holds you back. You can scout a different recourse of employment OR legally FIGHT it. Either way: your health comes FIRST! Other avoidance's to have less drama at work is to: NOT shit where you eat. Which would you rather lose? A pseudo-relationship or a job? Take yourself SERIOUSLY in a work environment. Don't use the computer for anything other than its NECESSITY! DON'T share what CAN come back to bite you!

When it comes to your neighbors, whatever happened to being there for one another? When a neighbor is SICK, you're there for them in whatever capacity you can be. When I think of neighbors, I think of a Mayberry care of one another. A COMPLETE OPPOSITE of what I had. The neighbors I had weren't typically there. They were ones in it for themselves. You could do/care for them in their time of need. If my side needed ANYTHING, there was ALWAYS something for them to gain from it. There is something HOMEly about having neighbors. But then again, not everyone is Fred Rogers. Sometimes people ARE COMPLETE OPPOSITES.

When Wendy was growing up in Ocean Township, New Jersey, everyone knew each other. 30 yrs +. Sometimes neighbors know each other by incident and move on from there. An incident between neighbors can initiate & build neighborships. Good can come out of evil. What happened to neighborhood CURIOSITY!? Nowadays it's like "my situations become neighborhood problems." It's one thing to have swaps, "You do for me. I do for you." Things take a different turn when you're always there for them, but the same letdown when you're the one in trouble. Sometimes instances FORCE you to TAKE the matter OUT of their hands and into the ones of OFFICIAL AUTHORITIES. At times, there are certain situations w/ your neighbor that may be a disturbance . . . .but also MORE entertaining than TV.

When you lend things out to neighbors, at one point do you DRAW THE LINE? If a neighbor borrows something CONSTANTLY, things add up. As far as cash, while some may have it to give . . . . others DON'T. A dollar or change here and there ADD UP! Before you know it, they're in debt $100.00+. No recourse of payback in the future. Lending creates problems/friction. At one point, when does lending become THE source? You're NOT to be a people pleaser, but where do you draw a line from looking like an asshole? You don't have to be nasty. If you don't have it to lend, you don't have it. When you create MORE than a neighborship w/ your neighbor and things fail, it's an odd atmosphere similar to MORE w/ a co-worker. When dealing w/ a neighbor of ANY capacity, courtesy goes a long way. Being considerate. Treat your neighbors how you want to be treated. R.E.S.P.E.C.T. A heads-up. Be courteous of one another. DON'T share service people. Gossip and drama only ensues.

Wendy has a love/hate relationship w/ Facebook.  Her love of it is to have it as a simple catch-up w/ friends & family. The hate comes in when it interferes w/ REAL relationships w/ others and complicates things. Wendy grew up, as I did, where we sat & spoke to one another either IN PERSON or SPOKE ON THE PHONE! You can carry a conversation in texting, but it means more when done in person. It's NOT the same. Texts & posts can be taken out of context. After you are SERIOUS, you can take a break online. NO MORE ONLINE updates or history surfing. Take a tech update and give attention where it's due. Give of yourself in the relationship. NOT a text. BE CAREFUL of what you do with others. Videos done in one aspect nowadays are BLASTED everywhere on YouTube. You NEVER know who can TRUST these days. Sometimes you just HAVE to be in it. When you're in a relationship, if it is JOYOUS news, it's to be shared. NOTHING ELSE! Karma comes when you post EVERYTHING! When your kid acts inappropriate online, TAKE AWAY their mobility to use it. If they abuse the privilege to be responsible for it, strip them of it until they are.

Wendy's son, Little Kev', doesn't have a Facebook and won't be until his parents say so. When accessed, Wendy is getting ALL information from EVERYWHERE! She is one who is to know every photo or discussion being passed. It is a NON-NEGOTIABLE! When it's an ex, Wendy suggests that unless things were ended BADLY, they were an ex for a reason. Be aware of the ex. Sometimes there's an unfriendly motive involved. Reasons to snoop into their files/personals should only have cause when the one you're with gives you one. ANY guy/girl who is not down with the salt of who you are is NOT to be with you. When it's a dating profile, you can embellish or make things sound better. DO NOT STRAIGHT UP lie!

Wendy and her family

Wendy's parents, Tom & Shirley, had/put their daughter on her first diet in first grade. She grew up being told by her dad of weight loss. She was never allowed seconds of anything. She had a weekly "weigh-in" day every Friday until 10TH grade. Learning how to make the scales work to her advantage. Wendy used to hate back-to-school shopping. Her mom would have vocal & facial criticism. Wendy would bribe her brother, Tommy, to sneak her Twinkies and say he was the one who ate them. She would eat all of the sweets she could get her hands on and drop the evidence behind her bed so her parents didn't know. She was a COMPLETE wreck over her weight until she was 12. TODAY, Wendy is critical of her body. CONSTANTLY critical. She has has several surgeries to get to where she's at:

• large-volume liposuction in 1994
• chest augmentation due to different sizes on each side

After having Lil' Kev', it was followed by a tummy tuck due to gaining 103LBS. after. Wendy goes to the gym twice a week. She works out w/ a trainer and counts calories - right down to condiments. Since she's been there, Wendy's advice is to fix what you CAN and deal w/ the rest later. Rome was not built in a day.

One BIG problem is when parents ignore, DON'T/WANT to see the mental effects of their child. An eating disorder to the world. To the parent of "happy" weight loss. THAT is when you need to read between the lines. Wendy had Kevin's support when it came to her surgeries. They went to appointments and sought out information TOGETHER! They were a UNITED front on the subject. She was GRATEFUL for his support w/ an extra pair of ears while listening to medical jargon. EMBRACING your height and see WHAT IS. THE SOONER THE BETTER! What makes you awkward is what makes you STAND OUT! For WHATEVER capacity, if it MAKES you HAPPY & SUCCESSFUL inside to "fix" - DO IT! If there is something you WANT surgically done but don't have the finances, DO ALL OF THE RESEARCH until you do. Research while you wait. When you're able, don't go nuts w/ your choice! Don't go from small to LARGE! Make sure it's something you CAN live with.

Wendy is a KNOWN "wiggie" - Someone who wears wigs. She has thin hair, thanks to a thyroid issue, and is NOT a fan of it. When in the process of picking your wig style/type, do it ALONE. Try on.  NO Jokes & NO friends. It is a tool to help you feel better about yourself. What is the MOST beautiful part of a person would be their confidence. Confidence is KEY. But, don't confuse confidence w/ cocky. If you accept your bodily flaws, they might too! DON'T compare yourself to others.

Wendy is one that wears what states HER! It wasn't made for the faint of heart, it is made for Wendy! Being from New Jersey, she loves all things sparkly. When it comes to "fashionable statements" and your kid, Wendy told Lil' Kev' he could have pierced ears in high school. NO tattoo until college. Not one to follow a pack for others. When it comes to tattoos, Wendy had her shares of a regret. If you're young and you get one, MAKE SURE it won't be one to REGRET in the future. When it comes to style purchases, DON'T be stupid going into debt for something that is "IN" one minute. GONE the next.

When Wendy was growing up in Ocean Township, as a kid she always just assumed there was a money tree growing in the backyard. Wendy's mother had the diamonds, furs & clothes. They had a beautiful house on an acre and a housekeeper. She had more LABELS than what to do with. Her parents never talked finances in front of Wendy & Tommy, so she was blissfully ignorant and unaware. As a result, Wendy went years as a spender and the money ran out quickly. At 27, as most people are, they don't think about putting away for future ages. Now at 50, Wendy thinks about it a lot. Now she's a saver. Age makes you more frugal. When you start paying your own way, you SEE what COSTS. It took time for Wendy to understand financial responsibility.She went through a lot of lean years. Today, Wendy is GRATEFUL to have a job on TV and a steady paycheck. She can give Lil' Kev' a good life. Wendy does have her splurges from time-to-time. She's EARNED it.

Wendy also learned and APPRECIATES the VALUE of money. Not in numbers, but its incentive. She thinks long & hard over loans. Money is not something to hand over easily. Consider where and what for. Wendy & Kevin talk about money. They teach Lil' Kev' that nothing is handed to you. He has a bank account and earns what is given. (A rareity for young kids today.) You feel a sense of PRIDE when you purchase what you EARN and it's not just handed to you. I personally see money as a gratitude. Just be grateful to have ANY. Money in itself is valuable. If it's gone, you don't know when you'll see it again.

Someone taught me a very strategic way to get ahead as you age: When you're young and earning a paycheck, take out what is NEEDED to LIVE & SURVIVE on. Put away and save the rest. If it's a dollar, so be it.
$1.00 becomes $5.00
$5.00 becomes $10.00
$10.00 becomes $20.00
$20.00 becomes $50.00
$50.00 becomes $100.00 and MORE as time grows. As you grow, so does what you save. If NEED be, take out what you NEED, SAVE the rest.

Save what is used for another day or buy in bulk. MAKE food at home rather than CONSTANT takeout. Break a bad habit without spending. Borrowing money is a way to fix; but that fix costs you - LITERALLY! If you borrow from someone, there's tension. What's worse is when you borrow and DON'T pay it back but spend YOUR money lavishly without returning the ORIGINAL loan. If you're down and someone helps you out. When you get back up; you DON'T return the help/favor. NOT keeping track of finances can get you into TROUBLE. A strong word of thumb in finances and to AVOID an argument later is: yours, mine & ours.

• Yours is for you.
• Mine is for me

Ours is to use for monthly household expenses.

Wendy is just a woman from New Jersey with a few life lessons under her belt. Throughout this book, the process was overwhelming, but a joy. With help on this book, Wendy had her mom, Shirley. Talking it over and weighing the pros/cons. She is not the same person she was 30 years ago. Looking back now, she can see what/where she's done wrong. Drama itself allows you to see what you DON'T want in YOUR life.