Monday, November 30, 2015

Unsweetined

This next book is one that tells the TRUE story of what happened to one of 90s beloved child stars. Behind the scenes of one of America's beloved TV sitcoms, this child grew up within a spotlight and found herself troubled and redeemed once the light was out. She had delved into addiction while being married to an officer of the law. This story was/is told from the one who played middle child Stephanie Tanner of Full House, Jodie Sweetin.

It was a far cry from the cute little girl that everyone remembered from Full House - the girl everyone expected her to be for the rest of her life. Jodie wasn't Stephanie Tanner or the sober girl she was pretending to be in speeches and interviews, but she was wasn't exactly the drug addict wild child friends thought her to be. Jodie didn't know who she was. A problem leading to her drug use. Jodie KNEW at a young age there is no business like show business. Hitting the stage at age 3 for a nursery school recital and Jodie stole the show. LITERALLY! Even with others at the recital, when Jodie had gotten onstage, she had arrived. Walking out in a straight line, ignoring the other girls and working her way up front. Jodie immediately started doing her own thing. Needing center stage. Her mom, Janice, thought Jodie should be on TV. She was a natural.  Onstage, Jodie had the audience in the palm of her hand. Thriving on the attention and spotlight. Janice realized her daughter came alive onstage. Janice helped her daughter get involved in all sorts of performing arts; from recitals, plays & puppet shows. Jodie was taking her shot and dunking it.

Although Jodie did well and had fun, she wanted more. By the age of 4, Jodie could read and memorize lines and was constantly performing. For her, it was always showtime. Jodie took direction well, so Janice decided to cautiously test the Hollywood waters. Janice was adamantly set on just a few commercial auditions. Well, that led them to loving Jodie. One commercial led to another. She enjoyed acting, and more importantly it wasn't seen as work. Jodie seen it as a hobby; one hobby turned into a full-time operation. Her parents seen how much Jodie loved it, so Janice officially began managing her daughter. Taking her to auditions, acting classes & singing lessons. Janice LOVED it; not due to fame & fortune; but the look and emotions on her child's face. She loved being with her daughter and watching over her. Jodie ate it up. She couldn't imagine not acting. There wasn't any rejection, so Jodie kept going. In 1986, Jodie had roles on episodes on Valerie and The Hogan Family done by Miller Boyett Productions who was also working with Jeff Franklin.

The company with Jeff was working on developing a show called Full House, which was originally going to be called House Of Comics; about 3 comedians living together, but somehow along the way deciding to make it more of a family show. From that one episode, producers loved Jodie enough that they decided to cast her on Full House. No audition. Nothing. Jodie was the first person cast on the show. Writing the character of Stephanie Tanner around Jodie. She had just turned 5, just a normal kid on-set. It was shaky at first. No one thought the show was going anywhere. Expectations at ABC were low. Barely getting picked up for 13 episodes. Critics hated it. Just another '80s family sitcom. When it did get picked up, although Jodie was too young to understand, the older cast members were realizing this could be something special. Her parents each had a different reaction to their daughter's success.

Jodie's dad worked at a drywall plant and didn't care for the showbiz stuff. He was a happy creature of habit. Hollywood wasn't for him, but he was still a proud father. A man of few words; but loved telling his friends at work about Full House. Her mom was thrilled about the show regardless of John Stamos. Jodie didn't care or know about John's previous work as Blackie of General Hospital at that age. Jodie began to KNOW John through the show. They were like a family. There were times when Bob Saget and  John didn't get along at first, but pretty quickly became a tight-knit group. Of the adults, Jodie was closest to Bob, who himself had 3 daughters in real life. Jodie became a fixture among Bob's family. After the first season, they started picking up fans and the show got bigger & bigger. All of a sudden, Jodie was on a top-rated show and people began to recognize her. Although being very strange, Jodie had her parents to get her through it and helped to cope w/ the changing environment and kept her grounded. Jodie was a regular kid with chores, rules bedtimes and homework to be checked. Other than the TV gig, life was normal. Her parents made sure of that. Full House was just a job. If Jodie felt any of it was too much, she could stop at any time. At the age of 6, Jodie didn't think quitting was a viable option. She loved acting and performing with no plans to stop!

Sometimes it was hard to tell the difference between Stephanie Tanner's life and her own. But, when the camera's stopped rolling, Jodie still felt Stephanie's pain, On set, Jodie just wanted to be a 6-yr-old kid. When she first started, Jodie got in trouble for playing hide-and-seek on the set. Directors would be ready to shoot a scene and be hiding under Stephanie's bed. It didn't go over well. Jodie also threw an occasional temper tantrum. Kids everyday have them. When you're on-set, you don't screw around. Just one of those little things that made Jodie realize she didn't have the luxury to be a kid. Forget about getting sick. If Jodie had a cold, the on-set doctor gave her medicine and Jodie got to work. When Jodie had the flu, they were forced to stop production of the show for a week. She was extremely sick. It was before they did the chicken pox episode; still one of Jodie's favorite episodes.

Jodie was panicking due to seeing her mom in mom mode while still trying not to piss off producers. Jodie isn't being negative about the producers who loved them like family. Something they were very fortunate for. But, still, as a kid, Jodie's need came in second to the big picture. There wasn't any time to be a kid, which was what Jodie needed. It wasn't any better for her at school. Teachers wanted Jodie to skip her to the second grade, but her mom put a stop to it, KNOWING her daughter would be completely out of place.

By the shows second season, Full House was a HIT w/ kids and their parents. After being ridiculed in school, although her mom tried to comfort her daughter, the whole concept was too hard for Jodie to grasp. Going from the schoolyard to the studio. While you're a child star, that brings A LOT; you're left out of so much on the same spectrum. The ridicule from other kids became too much to take. One day, Jodie completely lost it. You can only bite so long until you get bitten back HARD! Jodie turned around, picked up her chair in class & chucked it across the table at her. As Stephanie Tanner would say . . . ."Pin a rose on your nose" . . . .bitch! The kids were shocked and Jodie felt like a big idiot. Of course, she had to go to the Principal's office. But, she got away with it. They didn't even call her mom. But, Jodie was terrified for the next 3 days. Nothing ever happened. She was completely in the clear. It was her first angry outburst and throughout elementary school she had many more. Jodie would reach a point and lash out.

On the Full House set, Jodie struggled to find her own place. As an only child in real life, Jodie enjoyed her own time, place & things, but playing a middle child on set w/ her pseudo-extended family, Candace was older and "too cool" and the Olsen twins were cute infants. Jodie looked up to Candace. Candace and The Olsens were tutored on-set. Jodie was the only one who needed to have the best of both worlds. She was the only one who WANTED normalacy to hold on to. For a couple of years, Jodie and Candace didn't get along well at all; similar to those of real sisters. One time, Candace hurt Jodie's feelings so badly that she/Jodie decided to write something mean about her on the back wall of the living room set. It was there w/ a BIG sharpie. The home audience couldn't see it, but Candace did and that was all that mattered. Like any kid, Jodie tried to deny it, but no one else was to blame and the Olsens weren't even writing yet. Candace was a tough audience, but Jodie liked taking care of the Olsen twins. By the beginning of the 3RD season, Jodie had a middle child complex, due to not having someone there at her age. Just like a middle child, Jodie didn't know where she fit in. It was the beginning of a bad cycle - wanting to be like other people. Jodie's feelings of inadequacy, which led to the need to drink and do drugs started early. Jodie was young and full of self-esteem issues, feeling alone and seeming there was no way out.

The idea of normalacy went completely out the window when the show hit its stride in it's third & forth seasons. Luckily, Jodie's parents still kept her grounded, reassuring this excitement & joy of the show wasn't forever. Regardless of the show and what she was doing throughout the week, Jodie's parents tried to give her a regular childhood away from the set. Family time and being a kid on the weekend, outdoors rollerblading and bike riding around the neighborhood with private school kids who lived across the street, every now and then Jodie was just a regular kid. To make life more enjoyable, Janice would surprise Jodie w/ fun trips. She always made the effort to put together great mother-daughter days. Plus other enjoyable fun times. But, as the show got bigger, Jodie's time-off got shorter. Summers became less about family time and more about aspects of the job. It truly HIT her during a mall appearance w/ an expected 1,500 people; but 6,000 people arrived. It was mayhem! After 20 minutes, it was total chaos. The ENTIRE media frenzy. In the 90s, there were mall appearances that were too much! A media fan frenzy.

It was then that Jodie realized that Full House was a BIG DEAL! She thought the show was cool, but didn't quite get that families tuned in every week. Watching the mall frenzy on the news made it a little scary. There were some perks to the success though. With the show doing so well, they had new found finding that although great episodes to be made. Hawaii. Knowing they would be spending a good time at sea, producers were afraid they would get seasick, gave them Dramamine. Knocking them all out. Constant problems arose. But they did have some fun times. The dolphin swim, whom Candace was super scared of. By this trip, Andrea Barber and Jodie were very close. Andrea put in the effort to relate to her by talking to Jodie about her feelings and asking about Jodie's interests. Producers also managed to get the OK for a Las Vegas trip. They also performed w/ the Beach Boys and when they came on the show, Janice was in heaven. Mother & daughter would bond on their car rides to school and to work listening to the band. Jodie connected w/ oldies music. (Something I relate to.) Their go-to music whenever they were together.

Hearing The Beach Boys on-set was amazing. They never knew what they were going to get from Brian Wilson who always seemed to be playing w/ half a deck. With Vegas & Hawaii, it was at a point when the show took over. There may have been BIG disappointments in school activities; but were more than made up for with shooting in Walt Disney World for 2 weeks. Outside of obvious thrills, they were able to get involved w/ Disney. But it wasn't all fun and games, due to unflattering photos at unnecessary times. Freaking Jodie out due to her young age. Janice was pissed and in "mom mode" due to fans wanting autographs at a time that would ordinarily be COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE! Jodie realized she was not going to have her own space, anywhere - at least not while the show was filming. Jodie was expected to constantly be on! But, there was no way to keep every fan happy. Whenever Jodie did public appearances, she would try to be nice to everybody and sign autographs for as long as possible. Jodie wanted to do for each fan and would feel bad if she didn't. She was too young to understand she could have limits and boundaries. Jodie had trouble saying no to people.

Putting bad moments aside, Jodie was fully prepared to return to school and wow her classmates w/ stories from Disney World. All of the other kids turned another eye. Janice tried to warn her. Jodie wasn't being ostentatious, just full of excitement. Going to school became difficult, due to stalkers. Something that was becoming terrifying! Although having security & safety, there was a lot of limitations and going anywhere in public was always a procedure. Doing what had to be done to keep her safe. In the end, the happiest place Jodie felt was actually made up of the walls that Danny Tanner called home.

The show was in full stride from 1991 to 1993 when it was ranked in the Nielsen top 10. T.G.I.F. and Full House were household names, everyone was becoming a star. During the height of the show, John Stamos was dating Paula Abdul. She came to the set every once in a while, armed w/ extra security. She wasn't treated any different. John had gotten the cast tickets to see her in concert. Jodie couldn't go due to getting sick at the last minute. A few days later, Paula had sent Jodie a signed program w/ an inscription. For a girl who loved to dance; Jodie was ecstatic to get that letter. John was literally the cool uncle to the girls in REAL life, playing music and bringing his famous friends around.

Dave Coulier was pretty cool in his own right. Rollerblading around the set w/ his hockey stick & gear. He dated Alanis Morrissette, who was friendly when she came to the set. The most famous song to come out of their relationship was You Outta Know; which detailed Dave & Alanis' relationship. Outside of John & Dave's relationships; everyone else kept a low profile. Bob was a married man, so he was more like a family guy. Candace, like her brother, Kirk, was growing into a more Christian-centric lifestyle and wasn't one who landed in gossip pages. The twins were only 6 years old, but were on their way to creating an empire; working overtime w/ their TV movies and the show. Jodie, on the other hand, went through an awkward stage that is FOREVER documented on the show.

During the BIGGEST years of the show, Jodie was lost in between the Olsens cuteness and Candace's maturity. Jodie developed a lisp and had to go to speech therapy after school. Ashley & Mary-Kate were always fascinated w/ Jodie's teeth. When they lost their first tooth, Jodie was hanging on to hers for dear life. When she was ready to lose one, if you know kids, then the twins HAD TO WATCH when Jodie pulled hers out. As most kids grew up & matured, Jodie's was in front of the world to watch. Making her conscious of how she was viewed. Jodie became very aware that she was just the middle kid, unsure of who she was in REAL life. Although she had a good head on her shoulders and KNEW it was only television; everybody seen Jodie as Stephanie Tanner. Separating real life from fiction. Most of her monumental childhood moments were captured on TV; not for Jodie, but for Stephanie. Eventually, Jodie/Stephanie got the hang of it. Jodie would come a long way in a short time.

The REAL world was a bit tougher. Boys/other issues weren't as easy for Jodie as they came off on-screen in Stephanie. Boys were a complete enigma for Jodie. She didn't know what to do. She didn't TRULY have HER first kiss until middle school. She didn't know what she was doing. Jodie was terrified! He stayed her boyfriend for a few more weeks then moved on. At school, Jodie packed in all her classes before noon and then was gone. She didn't now how to be social. Never being able to get the socialization in school. Jodie began to give up at school w/ kids her age altogether, Instead becoming friendly with people on the set. Ultimately, it like Jodie had a lot of aunts & uncles.

The one thing Jodie could count on - no matter how rough things were going at school or how awkward she felt on SET - was that every Tuesday-Friday Jodie had a job to do, working on Full House ever since the age of 5. A familiar & comfortable setting, Even during hiatus, the cast was always together. They were together going to a concert and on the way, Jodie was tying her shoe when the limo of the car exploded. Jodie screamed and ran out of the car from the top of her lungs. They had been shot at. Jodie was freaking out. One of the adults called the cops and filed a report before getting into 2 station wagons to go to the concert. After the show, Bob informed Janice of the incident. She was a nervous wreck. Since no one was hurt, Jodie thought it was pretty cool for an incident to happen to them.

The relationship Jodie developed w/ the cast over the shows run was a strong, deep bond. Lori Loughlin even picked up the motherly role for the girls when needed. Doing as a MOM would. Even when filming the episode where D.J. becomes anorexic, Lori made sure that the kids KNEW it was for a character storyline and NOT Candace in REAL life. Lori was one who could BE with the girls. A great example for the girls. Andrea Barber was too, like a sister to Jodie and a daughter to the other adults. A COMPLETE OPPOSITE from Kimmy Gibbler. The whole cast was there to send Andrea to her REAL prom as any family would. Those kind of close relationships don't happen very often. A family on the show was also a REAL family! Celebrating holidays and birthdays together.

Jodie KNEW Full House had to end at some point - thanks to her parents' reminder. She was young, but understood that. Even during hiatus, Jodie KNEW the cast would do their own thing w/ their real families. In the eighth season, the good-bye for the show was for good and they didn't get much warning. When they started the season, there was never OFFICIAL news, so Jodie didn't think about it much. About 5 weeks before the last show, they were told by ABC wasn't picking up the show for an additional season. There was talk that they were going w/ the new WB Television Network, so there was uncertainty. That moment of "this is it". which Jodie's parents prepared her for was here. The life Jodie had known for 8 years was over. (Something I can personally relate to!) The last week was hard for everyone. Once her last scene was finished, the show was over. It hit Jodie like a ton of bricks. During the last curtain call, everyone was backstage crying. She felt she was losing her families. The way she had lived for her ENTIRE life was changing; at 13, Jodie felt her life was ending.

In the weeks that followed, the sadness turned to confusion. Jodie had no idea what to do. She was also about to start high school, young for her age since she skipped a grade, Jodie thought that had potential to work out nicely, since she could just jump in and be a kid, Instead of letting her career die after that, so Jodie attempted to hit the audition circuit. Other than Full House, Jodie didn't have much else on her resume. She was OFFICIALLY labeled Stephanie Tanner. Everyone was in the same boat. John Stamos seen it coming by trying to change his image before the show ended; by his role in the TV movie Captive. As far from Uncle Jesse as he could go. For everyone else, it was an uphill battle. Due to starting on the show at a young age, it was especially hard for Jodie due to being burned in people's brains as Stephanie Judith Tanner. When going to auditions, she was pegged as Stephanie. Inside her blood was boiling. It was devastating. The auditions shook her up, causing her to lose her self-confidence. Owning the room as a kid, as a teen, Jodie wanted to be like everyone else. She tried acting classes, but didn't help much due to Jodie unable to land roles beginning to frustrate the class.

Jodie's parents were supportive and were there for their daughter. The failure was taking a toll on both of them. Jodie just didn't KNOW what she wanted. One day she would be in a movie, the next go back to 4TH & 5TH period classes and have Spanish homework. While she was built to KNOW that NOTHING LASTS FOREVER; Jodie was at a loss for who she was. After talking with her mom about reworking her image, they were willing to try anything and her parents just wanted her daughter happy. Jodie was lost. 13 years old and without a job, so Jodie loaded up her Trapper Keeper and went to high school.

Jodie was only 13 years of age when she started 9TH grade. She was fresh off Full House and READY to be a regular kid. She was enrolled at a school within her local high school; focusing on the art classes; but first & foremost, Jodie wanted to make some friends. They had a big freshman welcome dance hosted by the student council to help people like Jodie achieve just that. Jodie, of course, immediately gravitated to the older boys inside the party. While the speech was going on, Jodie was in the gym making out w/ the student body president. Afterward she found out that not only did he have a girlfriend, but the whole thing was on a dare. Having a girlfriend, but the rumors began to swirl. As the first year went by, she tried connecting w/ the other kids in the art program. Although she still had the acting bug, when an audition would come up, Jodie was more apt to be a kid and part of the school whenever possible, which didn't fly w/ her mom. Complaining about leaving for auditions didn't win over any friends. Janice was right.

Candace's wedding
High school is hard enough as it is. Jodie was always uncomfortable. Rumors circulated before entering high school. What they didn't know was that Jodie would've TRULY traded places with any of them. Jodie gravitated toward the cheerleaders & popular kids. She was on the outside of fitting in. Working and trying out for extracurriculars, it wasn't for her. She just decided to accept that she was an outsider. Feeling like she was out of place.  I can personally relate, but  . . . the inability to relate to other kids after what you've already lived at their age. She was expected for people to want Stephanie; not Jodie. With her low self-esteem and confusion over who she TRULY is, Jodie put on a pretty dress and hauled her 14-year-old unemployed ass to Candace Cameron's wedding to hockey player Valerie Bure - a reunion of sorts with all that was once comfortable and familiar. Jodie felt like a REAL adult at the wedding although her parents were there. Potentially, a good day. With Jodie TRULY done up and her first real boyfriend, Ryan, there, it was time to party.

Ryan was one of the most popular kids and Jodie's link to an elevated high school status. He was a junior and Jodie was a freshman. He was liked as the class clown and wasn't exactly on the honor roll. Jodie & Ryan both decided that the wedding was going to be a lot of fun; which in there of; turned out to be quite different. Jodie had had some wine, but little sips at Full House wrap parties before, but this glass of wine at the wedding was her first REAL drink. She downed the whole glass. With any addict, the first drink boosted self-confidence. For Jodie, it was the key to everything she was missing in life. Ryan wasn't much of a drinker, but Jodie downed glass after glass. That one glass gave her the upper hand. It made Jodie the decision maker. She called her own shots. It let her be the person she wanted to be. Losing count in her drinks after #3. Drinking became her focus for the night. Allowing Jodie to be comfortable in her own skin. With everyone else focused on their own fun, all Jodie had was Ryan, who wished he was elsewhere. Everything else from that point was a blur. Turns out, Jodie would always be a blackout drinker. All she remembers is feeling like absolute hell. She was out of her mind. Ryan had to take her outside for air. She had to let it out; running into the bathroom and regurgitating ALL over the bathroom. Jodie was so embarrassed.

Jodie's mom came in and was mortified! Then Andrea Barber came in w/ her mom. Others from the show followed. Helping her to puke it up in a trash can. She fell over, hit her head on the trash can, scoring a giant bruise on her nose and blacked out. The regurgitating continued during the car ride and finally in the comfort of her own home. Jodie's parents were furious with her. The next morning came the hangover, swearing it would NEVER happen again; begging forgiveness from her parents. Jodie TRULY was sorry, although have the feelings that acquired and led to her drinking. Jodie was no longer Stephanie Tanner, nor was she the actor who played Stephanie Tanner. She was Jodie Sweetin and an alcoholic.

Candace's wedding was in June 1996, the end of Jodie's freshman year in high school. From that day on, Jodie was a different person. Drinking as often as possible - usually a couple times a week. At the age of 14, Jodie needed something extra to make her feel comfortable around those her own age. It was that easy. During her sophomore year, she was able to be closer w/ the cool crowd; which was what she wanted. The constant battle of the high school world. Only the STRONG survive. Striving & acting to be one of them. Doing what she had to be like everyone else. No matter what she did throughout her actions, Jodie couldn't win. She was in a situation where she couldn't win for losing. Thinking her classmates had it all together. They had something she didn't. To be more like them; Jodie's answer was alcohol . . .and drugs. Starting from going to all the parties and sneaking alcohol wherever she went w/ school friends, chasing the feeling she had at Candace's wedding.

Jodie would do other things that considered breaking the rules; from drinking from a friends parents liquor cabinet, sneak cigarettes. Her parents were not pleased. Being caught on lies. Jodie's parents weren't drinkers and didn't have alcohol in the house. KNOWING of the activities within the outside world, they slapped a curfew on her, and watched her every move as much as they could. It wasn't enough. Ryan, as much of a bad-ass he was, wasn't a fan of what Jodie was turning into. He was a problem in his own right. Outside of drinking or partying, so when they went to a Winter Formal and Jodie was drinking in the limo; Ryan wasn't a fan. He tried to stop her drinking; which wasn't fun for either of them. Finding the fun people who would have the type of fun Jodie enjoyed and she left Ryan behind. He tried to save her from making a mistake but Jodie had her decision made. Going where she wanted to go.

Jodie needed to drink and was going to do it as often as possible regardless. Mentally checking out w/ alcohol. She would remember the feeling at the wedding. She wanted that rush back and wanted to physically be back there, but Jodie couldn't find it again. No high is ever as good as it is the first time. After alcohol came the "gateway drug" - pot. Jodie was a 15-yr-old high school junior and she was given a ride to school in the morning, as she always did. The driver smoked pot all the time, but on the ride, she invited Jodie. Taking up the invitation. Displaying actions of it being her first time. Just outside the school parking lot, they pulled over and since she DID NOT KNOW WHAT she was DOING, Jodie was shown how it was done. She didn't really liked smoking pot. Doing it because it gave her an escape.

Though Jodie may have been a clumsy smoker, she was a pretty slick drunk as functionable. But one thing changed, Jodie was drinking more than anyone else at these parties. She was partying harder and was more obsessed w/ getting messed up. Jodie was out of control. While others were happy w/ a buzz, Jodie needed to be completely smashed. She was trying to SMASH the image others had of her former TV character. The goal was to be the antithesis of Stephanie Tanner. The entire cast of Full House had gone in different directions at this point. This was Jodie's way of separating herself from the pack - it wasn't planned, but Jodie was the fuck up. By her senior year, Jodie was pretty out of control, but she felt like she had friends. As her drinking continued, Jodie began getting into more trouble at school. Doing outside of her assignments. Just before the end of the school year, after an incident that involved the cops, they called her parents and picked her up. Jodie's mom caved after punishing her. On graduation night, Jodie had taken Ecstasy. The ENTIRE night was the effects. In just 4 years of high school, Jodie had "succeeded" becoming the ant-Stephanie.

The summer between high school and college, Jodie was glued to her boyfriend's side. A friend of hers told Jodie that his friend thought she was cute and wanted her number. A nice surprise. Eventually, he came over and started talking to her. He was a 22-yr-old security guard for Arrowhead Pond named Shawn Holgain. He didn't know anything about Full House. To him, Jodie was just a girl at a hockey game. She took his number and waited almost a month to call him. They talked for hours before planning a second date. The first date led to the second and by the fall, Jodie had a boyfriend whenever she needed him. When Jodie left for Chapman University, she was able to have him w/ her, for when she felt like being a girlfriend. She was happier, though, he was willing to take a backseat & wait for Jodie to mature. She originally thought about being a film major because it seemed like a good next step. Jodie had goals in the beginning, which was good, but once she was at school that changed. Her parents were not too happy w/ Jodie going off on her own. Luckily for them, Chapman was 20 minutes from her house. But, Jodie was on her own prone to partying.

Although fighting w/ her parents, a deal was made with Jodie:she could live on campus, as along as came home on the weekends. Instead of taking in the experiences and learning to take care of herself, Jodie was partying. She didn't do anything else. Drinking HEAVILY, doing Ecstasy, smoking pot and anything she could get hands on. Coming home and sleeping from Friday afternoon 'til Sunday until it was time to head back to school. Her parents KNEW something was up, but had NO IDEA how bad it was getting. Taking Jodie's word for her actions. There was only so much they could do until her grades came out. It was during this time that Jodie snorted cocaine for the first time. She hadn't tried that before. Doing cocaine was a big deal for all of them and it was a life-changing experience for her. Instead of being nervous, Jodie was all too happy to find a new high.

Physically, Jodie had the energy of Wonder Woman and emotionally Jodie felt more connected w/ the world. A total euphoria. For those of you who have . . . what goes up, must come down. She thought cocaine was the worst drug she ever tried. Thinking the downside would life, Jodie found to get UP again by finding more. The times she did coke in college led to the destruction that would follow years later. Jodie was drunk or high most of the time and the lifestyle was wearing on her. She was looking pale and thin. Her parents were concerned. Her schoolwork was suffering. Jodie needed help. Her freshman seminar professor seen Jodie was having problems by her actions. With a dismal 0.9 G.P.A., Jodie was on academic probation and close to failing out. Depression set in. Trying to stop led her to wanting more. She didn't want to stop.

Jodie knew a couple of girls who were cutters and see them enjoying the pain/high from it. Making Jodie question it. She had a toolbox in her dorm w/ a straight razor in it. She wanted to feel something so badly she decided to try it. She had been drinking so heavily. Bleeding all down her arm. After seeing the evident damage done, she put a sweatshirt on and ran from her 4TH floor room to her friend's room on the 1ST and showed what she had done. She laid Jodie down on the bed and she/Jodie passed out. The next day, Jodie woke up and seen what she'd done; realizing she hadn't solved anything. Only to worsen the situation. Cutting was an outlet to her emotional pain. Jodie tried cutting 3 or 4 more times. Nothing deep, just a few scratches. Doing it when she was absolutely hammered. Releasing the pain made her feel better. But it was hard to hide and Jodie didn't need the questions. Around this time, Jodie was partying at a hotel in Newport Beach. She was so coked up that she was in a situation similiarly close to Jenny from Forrest Gunp.

During this downward spiral, Shaun was really concerned about Jodie. He wasn't really a social person and hated Jodie's friends, but Jodie wanted to be w/ him. She would try to get him to be like her; to go out and have fun. Bringing him to college parties never worked out. Resorting to her partying behavior. Clubbing w/ Shaun was a disaster. She chose the clubs over Shaun. But, he was there for her when she needed him. The next day after an incident, with tears running down her face, Jodie promised to stop doing drugs. Making all of the "sober promises". She KNEW she was headed down a dark path. She had to get out of the dorms, but first had to tell her parents. Tears were flowing, but didn't want to do it. Jodie went into the bathroom and when she returned, Shaun had to tell her parents on the phone and put it in her hands, Jodie took the phone - bawling, apologetic - and talked to her mom. She was ready to start a new phase in her life.

Jodie moved back in w/ her parents and tried to clean up her act. She had to pull herself together because she was running out of options and KNEW she was ruining her life. Jodie began going to a recovery program and attempted to get her life together. She wasn't ready. Living in her bubble and stayed clean and focused on school for 16 months. During this attempt to clean up, Jodie & Shaun grew closer. Due to the BIGGER picture; it was treated like a high school setting. Having to be watched like teenagers. Over that time, Jodie also grew really close to his family. Shaun's mom was like a mom. Jodie seen what a happy, domestic lifestyle looked like. She wanted that. Jodie's mom had all the same characteristics, but Jodie didn't appreciate it much at the time. Once Jodie started spending time w/ Shaun's family, though, she began to reconnect with her own parents.

Jodie began wanting to become more of a family person, more of an adult. Shaun was to be Jodie's saving grace from her messy life. He was there for her and would protect her from using. She didn't see that she was setting herself up for an unhealthy, codependent relationship. Jodie felt she had to change & be someone else with him. She wasn't ready to be sober and thought Shaun was the answer. Jodie truly thought that with Shaun she would be safe.

Shaun became Jodie's life when she lived at home. Spending her free time w/ him. Her world suddenly became smaller. Jodie wanted her life consisting of being drug & alcohol free. There was only Shaun, her parents and a few friends. Discontinuing her association w/ those who continued to use. Marriage seemed like the next logic step for her and Shaun. They both wanted it. Discussing the who, what, when, why & where. An out-of-the- blue proposal w/ a sun setting on the beach. It was beautiful. Jodie found the perfect location at the same time, as well as Shaun. It wasn't a one-knee proposal speech, but when Jodie seen the ring, she screamed w/ excitement. She was crying tears of joy. Jodie immediately called her mom, whom she joined her daughter with joy. Thinking this would turn Jodie's life around. Janice had been doing work as a wedding coordinator was off and running once they broke the news. She had a vision for a wedding and Jodie had one for a new life. Candace Bure was an example of what she wanted.

Candace had offered Jodie sage advice. She was the closest thing to a sister Jodie had, so Jodie asked her to be her matron of honor and Candace's daughter to be flower girl. A month after they got engaged, they moved into a house near her parents in Orange County. Instead of partying, they put their energy into planning the wedding. They spent the next year planning & creating the perfect living environment. Shaun had one room that was his and could do whatever he wanted. They had 2 dogs that were their babies, feeling like a  REAL family. Jodie settled into life as a homemaker. They spent so much time focusing on fixing & arranging the house, there wasn't time for anything else. Jodie was focused on school, the wedding & Shaun was working his way through the police academy. Although Shaun was a musician on the side; Jodie thought she was better off keeping things low-key, and because Shaun was a homebody, he liked that plan. In order for Jodie to stay sober. Although Jodie had a fun side, she was trying to keep it tame, as their wedding approached, it seemed like they were both on the same page, but a part of Jodie wondered if they were just on Shaun's.

Jodie & Shaun
Their wedding date was on 7-27-2002; with friends, family and the ENTIRE Full House crew. Coming together for Jodie's dream wedding. As traditional as it gets. It was a $15,000 wedding; but Jodie felt like a $1,000,000 bride. Going down the aisle, there was Shaun & her bridesmaids, including Candace, who fit the sisterly role perfectly on Jodie's perfect day. Thanks to her dad's rambling, Jodie began getting cold feet w/ butterflies in her stomach. When the ceremony went off without a hitch and was over, Jodie felt a sigh of relief. It was a perfect wedding. An amazing day and Jodie loved it. Taking the high road and turning down alcohol that was offered to her. Keeping in mind of her recovery.

Married life was pretty darn good at first. Taking off for 8 days on an amazing honeymoon. Once the vacation was over, they were back home, to their lives and it wasn't long before it became clear that the honeymoon was over. It wasn't that she didn't love Shaun, but the life she was living - a sober housewife finishing school - wasn't what she wanted. Jodie was too young and too immature. She was getting to a point where she wasn't secure in her sobriety. Three months into her marriage, a Halloween party arose for an opportunity to drink. All the pieces were falling into place. The night before, Jodie orchestrated how this was going to go. She was still in the mindset that it was controlable. With a friend with her, who has known Jodie since high school and KNEW of her struggles, Jodie downplayed it. SURE that she could totally handle it. She was lit up w/ excitement.

After one sip, Jodie's urges re-ignited. Her friend didn't know what she had gotten herself into. All of a sudden, Jodie was 14 again, right back at Candace's wedding. She was gone after a few drinks. Jodie was barely coherent. Shaun called her at 3:30A. Jodie had put her friend on the phone. He was FURIOUS! Jodie was sick to her stomach. Enjoying the night to a point, but excitement became disappointment. Completely guilt-ridden on the way home and sobbing uncontrollably. She didn't want to come home a sloven drunk. When she got home, all she could do was apologize. She knew it was wrong; but to her it felt right. When the smoke cleared w/ Shaun, Jodie decided to include Shaun in her drinking. Feeling it was a win-win. He was opposed to it because at least he could be there to keep it casual and not a problem. He'd have preferred that she didn't drink at all. It opened the door. The first time went smoothly. Then they decided to get into wines. Jodie was back in. She walked the walk and waited for Shaun to initiate. As they drank more together, Shaun got concerned and began cutting off. Jodie hated it. She couldn't get enough and wasn't going to be stopped. Jodie was hiding alcohol from him. At first it was in front of him, but then sneak in a few more and knew where to go.

Jodie began reconnecting w/ people she knew in high school and college who were doing drugs. Although some of them were better and moved on, Jodie kept dropping hints of getting back into partying. Eventually, Jodie found a group of people of whom she could spend time with.

After going with her friend and her friend's brother to play pool one night in Long Beach, they were drinking pretty heavily and became friendly with w/ the guys at the table next to them. From the pool hall to the party at their house. They were drug-dealing, welfare-living people who lived in their grandmother's house with pit bulls chained to the front gate. The environment was one with people Jodie KNEW she could party with. They had little in common but pot & alcohol. Partying until 3:00A and then racing home to beat Shaun home. Shaun worked 12h shifts at night at the police department, so Jodie's schedule was pretty clear. First it began with the drinking. But, it was a bit harder to hide drinking than drugs because of the odor. Jodie couldn't give up that feeling of being high, sneaking around and getting away with it. Instead of drinking HEAVILY, Jodie moved onto Coke & Ecstasy. Quickly becoming an everyday habit. It became a terrible routine and racing home by 4:00A, pretend to be asleep when Shaun would walk in an hour later. Jodie waited for him to pass out and then repeat the day until she crashed. A terrible routine, but it worked.

Jodie kept her connection w/ the guys in Long Beach regularly. Keeping them separate from her life w/ Shaun. Going to that world when she wanted to. One night when she was there, they were talking about Meth. KNOWING it was extremely addictive, but Jodie didn't care. After hearing others of their experiences and Jodie mentioning she'd never done it, they were surprised. Jodie KNEW meth would send her down the wrong path. She didn't care. She was excited looking for a new high. She couldn't get to it fast enough. It was similar to the way she had felt when she had her first drink and first line of cocaine. This was 1,000 times better. Jodie was terrified that Shaun could hear her heat beating. Jodie was all over the place. But she didn't get caught. In a short time, Jodie went from being scared of getting caught to being completely caught that she could add meth to the menu without Shaun ever noticing. Within a month, Jodie was doing meth all the time.

Meth helped Jodie escape her head and bury her anxiety. Worrying of how to get the next high. Spending about $500/week on meth at this point, but Shaun never suspected anything. His job paid for most of their bills; and because Jodie handled the finances, she got good at it. "Robbing Peter to pay Paul" to support her habit. No one questioned Jodie's behavior. She convinced her parents that he weight loss was from working out and her tiredness stemmed from all the work. Even able to fool a psychiatrist into believing that she was depressed & needed medication, which she told sober friends was the reason for her weight loss. It didn't change any sort of high she was getting from other drugs, but weight loss was a side effect of her medication. So, it was a perfect cover. She was also spending a good amount of time away from home. Jodie found herself involved w/ a crowd that was filled w/ trouble. If it wasn't one fucking situation, it was another, including a threat to be killed. With Shaun working long hours, Jodie was often home alone. Keeping 2 guns in the house for safety but wasn't really the type to use one, even if necessary. Out of fear, Jodie called Shaun and told the truthful story.

Shaun had it taken care of by one of his other friends at the department. And that was it. He believed whatever bullshit story Jodie told him and came to the rescue. As much as she felt like she was pulling one over on Shaun, he knew Jodie was hanging out w/ a bad crowd. He didn't like it. Jodie KNEW she needed to spend more time at home - which meant bringing her new-found meth addiction into the house. It was pretty easy to hide. If Shaun or someone else was home, Jodie was really good at covering it up. She was lying about getting her nails done and instead picked up drugs, or making a grocery run when really she was using. The friends she had used with didn't have the physical outlook of an addict. There was one time when Jodie was getting high w/ a friend together. Shaun was due home in a half hour and the friend was injecting meth into Jodie's arm. All of a sudden, she had burst a vein. There was blood everywhere. Jodie figured she was fucked!

Everybody was fine and Jodie had to clean up their mess. Shaun was coming home and all those fuckers had to go. Sensitivity goes out the window when drugs are involved. Jodie had everything cleaned up in time. Once again, Shaun had NO IDEA! While staying away from needles, after about a year of snorting it, Jodie switched to smoking it. Her nose was so raw & painful that it was an only option. Doing what was what going on in her surroundings. As long as she didn't reek of booze, Jodie was in the clear. They would get up & do stuff around the house during the day. Jodie would be getting high while doing household chores. Domesticity was Jodie's way of covering it up, hoping Shaun wouldn't catch on. Becoming normal after awhile. Not even to get high . . . just maintaining the addiction. Needing the drug to keep her steady and not get sick. Jodie got really bold and didn't care about getting caught. There was no stopping - not even for public appearances, When Jodie went to a premiere for a film the Olsen twins had done; New York Minute, she went w/ Shaun and was high as a kite.

At the premiere, Jodie knew some of them could tell something was up; judging & disapproving. But the only people Jodie got nervous around were her parents. With an addict, there is an excuse/cover-up for the obvious. But Janice wasn't there. People at the premiere complimented Jodie on her weight. It wasn't like she could detail how she lost it. Jodie was 102 LBS. Although high as a kite, Jodie handled reporters like a pro. No one suspected anything. Inside the theater, Jodie knew she couldn't last the night without using. She had the materials included on her person, in her purse. Sneaking off a few times to "use the bathroom". Jodie had her actions down to a science. Something she's done to where it didn't look suspicious. She didn't care it was risky. And she always got away with it.

That same month, Jodie managed to get an education w/ a degree in early education from Chapman University. Taking longer that most since she had to retake the classes she failed when she lived on campus. Even w/ Jodie's current partying ways, she was able to pass classes and earn a degree. After graduation, with plans on being a teacher one day, Jodie took a job at a YMCA after-school program at a public school in Anaheim. Without a job, Jodie seen this as a viable use of her time and acquire her resume.

After getting away clean, although using a couple of days before, Jodie took a drug test. She took it as a sign that she could continue to get away with it. She passed and got the job. It was amazing. Jodie would party all night and then 5 days a week from 1:00P-7:00P she helped kids in kindergarten, 3RD grade; helped with homework, review their daily lessons and watch them during free time on the playground. She always overslept and showed up late. Even worse was packing a pipe & speed with her to school. Carrying them in a case inside the Windbreaker she had to wear and would go to the teachers' bathroom and get high when the kids were on the playground. Although Jodie wanted to help these kids; but she truly had to help herself. Her relationship with Shaun was also slipping away. Jodie was just throwing it away. She was married to meth and was headed down a destructive path that was going to end badly, but Jodie didn't care.

Regardless of what happened. Shaun stood by Jodie. Even though she was doing meth nearly everyday, drinking uncontrollably, and ruining a perfectly good relationship. Meth had started as part of evenings out w/ friends to party, but morphed inro just getting high. As time went on, Jodie became less-and-less careful about getting caught. For 2 years, Jodie was a police officer's wife by day and a drug addict by night, She thought she was slick. At this point, Jodie figured that if she was caught by now, she never would. She started smoking meth in the house . . . . with Shaun at home. Smoking in one room and letting the smell out with incense. She just didn't care anymore. But, there was one group Jodie did care about - the Full House cast. She always valued their opinion more than anyone elses. During the height of her addiction, Jodie took a break one night from her addict friends to be with those she loved the most.

They were at a great restaurant in Malibu and it was one of the first nights Jodie drank around them. She felt like she was a part of them and part of the club. Finally, Jodie was one of the adults. She was also sneaking off to the bathroom to snort meth when no one was looking. After dinner, they decided to move the party to John Stamos' house. They were all drinking so it worried Shaun, but Jodie felt she had it all under control. At least with the cast family, Jodie felt safe. Back at John's house, the party continued. This had happened shortly after his split from Rebecca Romijin. Shaun dropped Jodie off at the party due to having an early shift in the A.M. They were all drinking & having a good time. Mary-Kate left; but Ashley & Jodie got really drunk. They had woken up the next morning at John's house with hangovers. It was like the Full House episode from hell. Truly not helping Jodie's addiction. The others went back to their work & lives, while the party was dangerous ground and an event for Jodie to drink. The cast didn't know. Jodie was on a downward spiral and it was only a matter of time before being completely out of control. Then it happened.

It started out as a regular night. Jodie was out with a group of girls who didn't know she was young. They did not know Jodie had a problem. This was a group that knew Shaun. Ones who KNEW him; but didn't know Jodie. Enjoying a night at The Laugh Factory. Then when a comedian wasn't so funny or Jodie got the urge, she snuck off to the bathroom and did bump keys of meth. She was wasted QUICKLY! Jodie was stumbling as they left The Laugh Factory. When they went to eat, her drinking continued. Going back and forth from slamming drinks to doing speed. Jodie was out of control. Her friends had no idea. When they left the restaurant, she started feeling sick. Having to pull over to the side. Her world was spinning. She had to get out of the car. They were driving 30 mph. She HAD TO get out of the car, Pulling Jodie back into the car and slowed to a stop. She fell out of the car and was sick EVERYWHERE!

Jodie was in/out of consciousness, laying on the concrete for 20 minutes. She told them not to call the police. Jodie KNEW once Shaun found out - it was over. She could feel her world crumbling around her. Jodie kept getting sick & passing out. At one point, Jodie stopped breathing. Despite her pleas, they decided to call the police. Despite in/out of consciousness, Jodie was DAMN DETERMINED for them NOT to! Everything was out of control and things QUICKLY went to hell. In the ambulance, the media started her on an I.V. She kept passing out and had hypothermia as a side effect from the drugs. Jodie was taken to the E.R. at Ceders-Sinai Medical Center.  One of the girls flushed the rest of the speed down the toilet and called Shaun. He was there when Jodie couldn't look him in the eye and couldn't talk to him. Jodie had to prepare for telling Shaun the ENTIRE truth of what she was hiding. Everyone was sure enough to know.

As Jodie & Shaun walked down the hall of the hospital, out to the car, he had QUESTIONS. All Jodie could do was stare at the ground. She crawled into the passenger seat and began to cry. All she could do was say The Serenity Prayer, over and over again. It was all she had. HEARING herself say it, Jodie got it like a snap of a finger. They got home and Jodie gave Shaun the pipe and EVERYTHING she had hidden. Handing them over to him. SMASHING the pipe with his foot. He was SO UPSET! Shaun couldn't look at Jodie. She packed a small bag and Shaun took her to her parents house. Jodie's parents were upset, but Janice tried to be reassuring for her daughter. Going into her mom's guesthouse and CRIED for hours. Jodie couldn't face anybody.

Jodie stayed for the next day 1/2 at their house.
"Kicking the sheets" in withdrawal. A couple of days later, Shaun came to the house and he and her parents sat Jodie down. They all agreed Jodie needed to go to rehab. She had no other option. She had ROYALLY FUCKED UP! Jodie was scared and so lost; although she had her parents & Shaun; she felt totally alone, As soon as an open bed was available, Jodie sobbed inconsolably. This is where her life has led her.

Jodie checked into Passages. She had called The Betty Ford Center, but they didn't have any beds. As she was driving up to Passages, a bed opened up at The Betty Ford Center. Pulling up to the facility w/ her mom & Shaun, it was intimidating. It was early evening when she walked in and most of the other clients were out at a meeting. A few others were out smoking cigarettes. They walked inside and the person doing the intake brought Jodie to the library for the interview. Janice & Shaun had to wait outside. Being COMPLETELY HONEST about EVERYTHING. She had to speak about it all. Her drug of choice: Speed. Jodie felt sick, tired & completely terrified. She knew of its time length and it was the week from Easter. Checking herself in. Janice & Shaun gave her a hug. Crying & very upset. This was a chance for Jodie to be on her own and to maybe get her act together. Jodie was terrified of everybody and felt out of place. Keeping to herself at first. She just wanted to sleep. She just felt so alone.

The REAL Jodie was out there and there was little to be proud of. Jodie was desperate to get sober. But the want & well are 2 different kinds. Even if Jodie left, where would she she go? She wasn't welcome at her parents house after they were fed up with her. She couldn't go back to Shaun. Jodie had no place to go. No matter how she felt, Passages was now her home. Keeping to herself the first 2 days. Since the others had been there awhile and she was the new person, Jodie was the odd man out, For an addict and your drug of choice; one way to wean yourself off is through chocolate. There was someone there who was the patriarch of the place. Jodie told him she liked Toblerone, Hershey's and other candies. Someone whom looked after Jodie. He was the first person that was there for Jodie and she'll never forget him for it. At Passages, Jodie spent a lot of with therapists getting to the root of her addiction and thinking of how it began. Hitting her that it began she was even born.

Jodie was adopted. Janice & Sam, her adoptive parents, adopted her when Jodie was 9 months old. They ARE HER PARENTS! Being adopted plays a huge role in both her addiction and her life. Jodie knew the truth from the time she was little and it was never hidden from her. Being protective of their daughter, Janice advised that Jodie not tell anyone of being adopted during the Full House years. By the time she was 9-or-10, Jodie began wanting to know more. Asking Janice questions of her/Jodie's origin. Her biological mother was in jail for drugs and had been brought to the hospital to give birth to Jodie. Her biological dad was in prison and passed away shortly after Jodie was born. Putting it nicely. He was in jail for drugs and for writing bad checks. Around the time Jodie was 6 months old, he was stabbed and killed in a prison riot.

This was the demon that haunted Jodie for a long, long time. Making her question whether she WANTED to know the SECRETS of her family history. The adoption wasn't finalized until Jodie was nearly 2 years old. Once it was OFFICIAL, the whole thought of adoption was over & done with as far as her PARENTS were concerned. After that lunch, Jodie never talked about it with either of her parents again. As she was told, Jodie's birth mom had another daughter with a different guy, so Jodie had a half-sister somewhere out there. Jodie never met and doesn't want to meet her biological mom. As she grew up, being adopted was at the forefront at times with certain reminders. By the time Jodie was in her mid-teens and HEAVILY drinking, she began to think her drinking somehow connected her to her biological parents. Jodie had seen it justified her behavior. As she slowly put together the bits/pieces of her biological history of addiction. Jodie KNEW her behavior was that of an addict. She began to mentally block out the burden of being adopted with her addiction.

When she was in college, Jodie's addiction began to really take hold of her. She wanted to know more of her adoption and didn't want to keep it a secret any longer. So she spoke up to a friend of hers who turned out to be adopted too! Sharing their stories and letting it out. They began crying for hours. Jodie looked at them for the blame game. She always understood that addiction is passed down generation-ally. Addiction was in her blood. In Passages, Jodie herself took accountability. She put herself in bad situations and couldn't blame others. As part of the process, looking at her mistakes and figuring out how to move forward. To this day, Jodie is still learning how to accept her mistakes and how to stop others for her actions. In therapy, Jodie had realized she focused too much on the adoption. Although she doesn't remember it, yet she let it shape a HUGE part of her and allowed it take POWER that she gave to it. At Passages, Jodie opened up about the root of her addiction. The problem now was figuring out how she was to move forward.

As time went by at Passages, Jodie started making friends. She and her roommate were frick & frack. They meshed well and instantly became inseparable. All around it was a good group of people. Jodie liked that it really focused on creating a sound, body & mind. Extracting the toxins you put into your body as an addict. She was really excited & happy to feel she had new-found clarity and friends. It was just the magical bond that they had. Proving there is fun in sobriety. Shaun came into the rehab a few times for marriage counseling. At one session, they came to the conclusion that they didn't think the marriage was going to work. There was NO TRUST within their marriage thanks to Jodie's actions. She couldn't dispute the truth and sat in silence. Jodie KNEW it, but when Shaun SAID IT OUT LOUD; it was heartbreaking. TRUTH HURTS! When REALITY HIT; Jodie was DEVASTATED!

After Shaun left, Jodie was 3 steps to her room and she hit the ground EMOTIONALLY BREAKING DOWN! Jodie had her counselor there who was a comfort, but Jodie had indeed FUCKED UP! If you're an addict, there is a commonality bond they share in rehab. Jodie did enjoy it (the rehab) too much at times and got too comfortable. When she looks back on it, Shaun did have a point. Seeming more like a club than a rehab. An ultimate in posh luxury and they were all recovering addicts. The thought of going back home to normal life didn't seem so appealing. Jodie had destroyed her life and had no desire to go back to it. Her relationship with Shaun continued to deteriorate. She couldn't FACE it, so she ran, right into the arms of a married man, Austin. He was another patient at Passages with the same issues Jodie shared, which she found attractive. Jodie KNEW from the beginning he was married. They flirted anyway. Jodie had ALREADY checked out of her marriage mentally.

What began as friends hanging out, sparks flew past it. With all of the drugs Jodie was doing before rehab, she hadn't so much as kissed Shaun in a long time and things were irreparable. Austin & Jodie moved their relationship forward, although being touch & go for awhile, due to them both being legally married. Jodie & the rehab group joined Austin and his wife for dinner at an Italian restaurant. EVERYONE at the table KNEW what was up, except Austin's wife. He was being overly attentive to Jodie in front of his wife, You could cut the tension with a knife. Compared to Austin, Jodie & the group; Austin's wife was an outsider. Nothing lasts forever. Especially when Austin moved back to his hometown w/ his wife. Jodie & Rachel had talked about going to Transitions after rehab. At the end of Jodie's stay in rehab, she had decided to go. Packing up and heading up there. Cigarettes at this point had become a new addiction. Like any addict, the minute you tell them NOT to do something, the more they WANT to! When Shaun came to pick up Jodie and move her to Transitions, she was standing and smoking a cigarette. The day Jodie moved to Transitions, she and Shaun decided to end their marriage.

Once Jodie was in Transitions, she was on her own. No meetings or therapy. Just a house filled w/ others like her. Jodie gave it a shot. Rachel & Jodie grew even closer. They shared everything. Friends while in rehab. Jodie was single from the get-go. She & Shaun were working on their own time to make it official. Through a pre-nub, their split was relatively easy. When it came down to it, it was easier for both of them to walk away peacefully. Jodie was acting single and looking to see what was out there from the day she got to Transitions. She KNEW her marriage was over since she met Austin; but she never stopped to deal with the fact she was losing the relationship she had w/ Shaun. Jodie didn't want to feel its end. Moving on w/ Austin allowed Jodie to distract herself from having to feel anything painful. Pretending the loss didn't happen. Rachel & Jodie shared an interest in the same guy - Joey.

When Joey arrived at Transitions, he and Jodie instantly hit it off. Whenever Rachel wasn't around, they would figure out how to make this relationship work behind her back. They eventually had it figured out. Jodie didn't mind all the drama it entailed. It kept her busy. Her divorce being finalized and it was wearing on her. She needed to fill it up her day to keep her busy, so she decided that a job would keep her busy. Shortly after moving into Transitions, Jodie started working at Passages. She only had 45 days of sobriety under her belt, but she convinced them to let her be a tech at the facility. A first for Passages. One of Jodie's job was to help move clients into the facility. As she was helping a girl move her things into a bag, they stumbled across a bag of meth that she had left behind. Jodie was to dispense of it, but temptation occurred, pondering what to do? After having the bag in her hand and being caught by the patient, Jodie relapsed and got high. ALL on Jodie's decision.

Jodie KNEW she fucked up! The rehab questioned the patient and patient then tried to cover it up for Jodie. Reigniting Jodie's addict behavior. They called Jodie in and asked her about it. Feeling so guilty, Jodie came clean the next day. She had failed her first test of temptation. Sobriety wasn't what she expected. Her job at Passages ended quickly and within the environment, Jodie wasn't sure Transitions was right for her. She didn't know where else to go, so Jodie stayed and tried to develop friendships and stay sober. After her hard work at staying clean, Jodie wasn't quite ready to give up drugs. Jodie thought a REAL relationship was what she needed, so she let things get serious with Joey. What began as fun & exciting, was also hard for Jodie to maintain anything healthy. Joey didn't make things any easier on-top of Jodie, being an addict trying to stay clean.

For the first time, Jodie found herself on the other end of the addict relationship. She, in a way, now knew what she put Shaun through, now that the shoe was on the other foot. Since she was trying to stay sober; Jodie would pretend Joey was too! Payback certainly is a bitch! Joey moved out of Transitions eventually & Joey was okay with that. She still had her friend Rachel. They had each other to lean on through their friendship. As strong as a duo as they were, they were weak when it came to drugs & alcohol. Relapsing a couple of times at Transitions.

One night while the group left the house to play miniature golf, someone in the group suggested picking up cans of whipped cream to do whipits; getting high from the small amounts of nitrous in the can. If they were going to do that, they might as well have gotten drunk. Rachel agreed! Using Grey Goose to get the job done. LITERALLY getting herself busted by taking the elevators to the owners' private quarters. The next day, Jodie confessed and came clean to the supervisors. Despite the objections from the facilitators, Jodie left Transitions in October 2005, after being there 6 months. Going to her parents house for a couple of days. Then moving herself into the first apartment she could find and immediately made a bad decision by letting Joey move in. Everyone else KNEW it was a BAD idea. Jodie thought she knew better. Joey was using; but Jodie thought she could be STRONG ENOUGH to stay clean. After 5 days, Jodie joined in. FUCK IT! She walked out of her bedroom, went to the kitchen counter and did a line. She thought joining in would keep them closer. The situation wasn't working and instead of getting rid of Joey; she thought getting high was the better option. That first line broke the seal and Jodie kept going.

Then Jodie called Austin. After a brief conversation, he was so worried that he dropped everything and flew out to see her. Jodie, without realizing it, had 2 boyfriends at once. In the end, Jodie had make a choice . . . . her solution was to go to Austin. When she got back to the apartment, Joey was waiting and so were the drugs. Jodie couldn't control herself. Beginning with coke & Xanax that she didn't remember the next 3-or-4 days. When Jodie finally came to, she apparently had been grocery shopping and had gone to PETCO. Jodie didn't remember any of it. Jodie packed a bag and headed back to Transitions. She still had to come down. Suffering the result of coming off meth and coke. The first night was the HARDEST! Jodie HAD TO turn her life around and this seemed like the only solution. Staying for 40 days. Showing obvious first day denial. This time, Jodie went through social & emotional setbacks that were taken when she began using. She had NOTHING to hang on to and was willing to through every emotion that was locked. She pushed everyone away. She got rid of Joey and everyone else except for her family. Jodie didn't want to be reminded of life before or during rehab. Although it wasn't easy, she wanted to start fresh, but old habits die hard.

Throughout this downward spiral, in/out of rehab, Jodie rarely thought about the repercussions. She KNEW what she was doing, but didn't care. What she didn't take into account was that she could ruin her reputation. She had been able to "fly straight" and play it off. During Jodie's 2ND stint at Transitions, she got caught. Being rattled out to Globe magazine by an officer Shaun worked with. Even though they were divorced, Shaun called Janice who immediately warned her daughter that the story was about to break. Putting Janice in a panic. When she found out about it, Jodie went right to her therapist. Although Globe had the basic rights, stories in magazines aren't always accurate. Blowing something small COMPLETELY OUT OF PROPORTIONRegardless of the minor errors, the story was out there. Jodie was a recovering meth addict. When the story came out, Jodie felt like an absolute failure. She needed to do something.

In February 2006, 2 months after her second stint at Transitions ended, Jodie was out to the press doing media telling her story, It wasn't a shining moment and Jodie wasn't thrilled about going public w/ everything. She didn't want to be lapped as a child-star screw up. But going public gave Jodie hope that she could quickly move on. She thought that her struggle could help others. For that to happen, Jodie's story had to be just right. She had to lie and couldn't tell her REAL story. Jodie sat down w/ her agent & therapist. They tried to put a Band-Aid on her situation, put a positive spin on it. Saying a lie hoping she would believe it. Her parents and agent didn't even know of some of her relapses so Jodie was even lying to them. She had decided to admit the bare minimum and keep the rest to herself from the press interviews. Jodie was SCARED SHITLESS! She was beginning to believe her own lies. She liked the flow in which the stories were flying. Jodie came off looking pretty good for a recovering meth addict. Remaining sober for the next 6 months. Now that Shaun & Joey were out of the picture, rehab & sobriety were a living thing of the past and Jodie was on her own. Something she wasn't quite ready to handle that. That was where Austin came in. Jodie was taking the steps to get her life back together.

In any case, public perception, Jodie's future in acting and the income from the speeches all became equally important. She couldn't lose any of it. Jodie didn't have any other income and couldn't afford to lose those speeches. Eventually, Jodie wanted to get her career back on track. It was hard to live up to the adult version of Stephanie Tanner that Jodie sat for herself. Jodie constantly let herself down and set herself up for failure; which was right around the corner.

Sobriety as Jodie claimed was short-lived. Once she started to relapse, there was no turning back. Falling lower and harder into than it was before, to a bottom she didn't know exited. It all began w/ alcohol. Jodie had signed up for acting classes. Taking classes would look good on her resume and got her back into the swing of things, also a way to make new friends. They socialized by drinking, so Jodie debated herself. Thinking led to her fall back into drinking. Time to utilize led to alcohol. When Austin seen Jodie drinking, he fell off the deep end w/ her. Being a model citizen of recovery by day and relapsing at night. She had to keep the lie going. The lying became part of the daily grind at these college appearances. When it came to debate the words that sober addicts said to her for being an inspiration; Jodie hated it. She KNEW she was lying. At times, Jodie privately wished they would ask her to repeat her Full House catchphrase. It was easier. When Jodie got home, it was usually back to partying.

Using was taking a toll on Jodie & Austin's relationship. In Texas, Austin was a lawyer, but in L.A., he worked as a private investigator. Using his talents on Jodie to keep an eye on her. Jodie had decided she didn't want to be w/ Austin anymore. Telling him it was over but to her dismay, Austin moved in anyway. He refused to leave. He knew more than Jodie wanted the world to know at that time. She had no intention to stop using drugs. There was no remorse. Like riding a bike, Jodie was back. Hiding her being high from others, Keeping her head to keep quiet from using speed. Soon enough, addiction behavior arose. Austin moved out and the house was hers again. Although Jodie decided to sell it, in the meantime, it was an option for crashing after using. Slowly but surely, Jodie turned the house into a home. When the lease ran out for others, Jodie moved into the house full-time. This was when things got ugly and her addiction went full-throttle. Letting a friend who dealt speed move into the guesthouse attached to the back of the house. Instant access.

Making the house accessible to others, inside & outside. Having lots of speed while partying added to her confidence. No one told her NO! She knew those who would give to her. As time went on, Jodie was more-and-more out of control. For a year & 1/2, there was no sobriety. She was COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL! There came a a point when Jodie was fending for drugs. The HIGHER the HIGH, the LOWER the CRASH! Outside of drugs, Jodie still wanted to act. She loved performing and continued her acting classes. In the 10+ years since Full House ended, Jodie had bit parts & guest appearances under her belt; including Brotherly Love & Party Of Five. Part of her thought that getting back to work might force her to get her life together. But, her mental state allowed her to not fully commit. She was out all night partying and never slept. When it came to work, Jodie was reeking of alcohol and passing out and not being professional. Jodie loved the ability of what she was able to put into her craft when sober. But when using, Jodie made herself the life of the party and partying w/ others until the sun came up. Spending about $60,000 in a 9 month period during 2006-2007. Doing coke, speed & drinking all the time and completely numb to the TRUTH; because TRUTH HURTS!

At this point, without the drugs, Jodie had nothing. The environment in which she paid for, put her in a position of power and control. She felt important & cool. Every now & then Jodie sold drugs, but for the supply. While she paid for the supply, that was what others wanted around her. They didn't care about her. They just wanted her credit card. They are of non-existence to Jodie ; those who continue to party. Jodie was constantly high all the time. ALWAYS A CONSTANT wheel-turning. She did not let herself come down. EVER! NEVER allowing herself to. Meanwhile, Jodie was pushing away the people who cared about her, including her parents. By Christmas Eve 2006, they had had enough. Going to her parents' meant stopping the crazy messy ride she was on. Janice had had ENOUGH! Jodie's parents stood up for themselves. Trying not to let Jodie ruin their holiday or lives with her using. They were trying to detach from her. With Candace, it was the same thing. Jodie would blow her off.

Candace was just a reminder of Jodie's being a big disappointment. Jodie ignored her calls. Candace tried to help her; but Jodie wouldn't listen. Then a Details magazine story was coming with a photo shoot with former child stars. They asked if Jodie had a problem working with Candace? She didn't. Jodie was just nervous about seeing her. Candace ended up "photoshoped" in the picture. Jodie was shocked! Now they've (Jodie & Candace) gotten together and laughed about the whole thing. A point they've put in their past. Candace is one who is still in Jodie's life now. Jodie's feeling that she'd lost her was devastating. But, Jodie moved on. She wasn't letting anything bring her down. Other relationships that took a turn for the worse was her relationship w/ the Olsen twins. Not going too well due to the Olsen's disassociation with Jodie. During this period/rough patch in her life, all of Jodie's relationships were difficult. Drugs caused relationships to come & go. Jodie was a selfish bitch and emotional wreck. Fueling arguments in relationships thanks to drugs. Doing EXTREME HARM & DAMAGE to her body. The answer was more drugs. She HATED herself for the way she treated people for the person she's become. Jodie was spiraling out of control. There didn't seem to be a bottom for her to hit. EVERYONE tried to get her help.

Jodie held herself hostage in Manhattan. This was her life and Jodie was DAMN DETERMINED to screw it up beyond repair. Her life as an addict seemed to revolve around holidays. Easter; Jodie was in rehab. Lost a dear friend on Thanksgiving, was uninvited to her parents' Christmas and now she was about to change her life on Memorial Day. Jodie was basically single and looking to have a good time. As usual, Jodie was TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL from the second she got there. Jodie was the center of attention, handing out Ecstasy to whomever wanted some. After going back to a friend's house where the party continued, night turned into day partying.

Jodie & Cody
At 9:30P, 2 guys came to the house - one of them was Cody Herpin. Jodie took a liking to him. Just one w/ others at the party. Neither of them; Cody or Jodie, weren't looking for a relationship; but they really connected. That night, they enjoyed the party. They were in their own little world. By Jodie's 3RD night in Las Vegas, she and Cody were inseparable. Due to overdoing it and sleeping it off, instead of going out, Jodie & Cody had a night in at the hotel. They just wanted to be  w/ themselves. Alone. Jodie's last night in Vegas, they went on a REAL date.

They had driven back separately to L.A. When Jodie got home and realized she had lost her phone, it meant she had lost Cody's number. There was no way to be in contact. Jodie freaked out and went around the way to retrieve it. Sending text messages back & forth and deciding to meet up again. That first weekend in L.A., Cody & Jodie partied HARD. What began as a night of partying ended w/ security and Jodie KNEW there was something different about Cody. They had a CONNECTION. It worked. At first, Jodie was staying at Cody's, then they decided Cody would stay at her house. He soon moved in and helped Jodie clean up her life. Fixing the areas that needed it. All of a sudden, Jodie was motivated to get her act together. Instead of going out, Jodie wanted to be a homebody w/ Cody; just the 2 of them. They just clicked! Jodie was slowing down quite a bit on the drugs. Cody was a good influence on her. It was a middle ground with a happy medium. Jodie was becoming happy living a normal life. The life she was living wasn't what she wanted.

Less than 2 months after they met, July 14, 2007, Jodie & Cody went back to Las Vegas to get married. It was the next logical step. Wanting to PROVE their relationship would last. When in Rome . . . After getting what they needed, Cody told his family; but Jodie didn't tell hers. They wanted to be dead-ass sober when getting married. Making it about themselves, without outside influences. They wanted it to be private. It was nice. Jodie was excited and filled with joy. While FULL of emotions, Jodie went from being Sweetin to Sweetin-Herpin. When her parents found out, Jodie felt terrible. Janice had heard it from the press. Jodie had gotten married for herself. Her parents had never met Cody. Jodie felt ashamed. In a weird-twisted way, Jodie thought getting married was a step in the right direction to get her life together. After hanging up with her mom, Jodie did a few lines of coke. It was another 3 weeks before Cody met Jodie's parents. He was freaking out based on his appearance. Dinner with Jodie's parents went well. It was a good thing they had all met. A couple of weeks later, their lives would take a turn.

When they talking about their futures, Cody suggested that Jodie take a pregnancy test. Jodie thought he was crazy. For shits & giggles, Jodie took one. Cody was right. Jodie was indeed pregnant. She could feel her heart jump into her throat. Cody's face went pale. They were both shocked & speechless. It happened the weekend in Vegas. Jodie felt so guilty; thinking of all of the drugs she had ingested to that point. Although everything was fine, Jodie still felt guilty. This was a sign for Jodie to make the ULTIMATE choice to change her life. A chance to turn everything around. Jodie MADE HERSELF grow up. NO MATTER what it took! This pregnancy truly changed her life.

At this point, Jodie defied her relationship with Cody as a best friend whom she always hung out with. They were together all the time. She wanted and was determined to prove others wrong. The first step was a change in scenery. The more flawless Jodie could make the new life look & feel, the less attractive the old life would be. Changing her ENTIRE life and environment. Trying to do everything sober and responsible. Jodie wanted desperately to be a good mother. A real easy pregnancy. She was tired, slept all the time & ate alot of Taco Bell. Jodie's life had gone from one extreme to another. Drugs & partying was now a thing of the past. Jodie's pregnancy gave her a REASON to stay sober. It wasn't about her anymore. She cut herself off from those of her drug life. It was time for her to grow up! No more fucking around. Cutting off that crowd and moving out of town was a good thing because their lives were becoming extremely different. At the same time since Jodie & Cody were always together, Jodie began realizing she didn't know Cody that well.

WAY TOO MANY differences between them. Pregancy hormones didn't help. For the next 9 months Jodie was pregnant, they certainly learned ALOT about each other. Only pushing them apart. A big issue for them was money. Since Jodie was pregnant and she had partied her money away from speeches, they were really short on money. Jodie didn't have health insurance and KNEW hospital costs for the birth would be expensive. Jodie wanted Cody to do something to better the situation. Preparing for parenthood as best as they could. Jodie wanted to be ready. There were times when Jodie needed more help from Cody including a more supportive partner. Jodie felt like Jennifer Aniston's character in The Break-Up. The pregnancy proved to be a bonding experience for her & her parents. Janice was extremely happy. Jodie instantly reconnected with her parents. Family had taken on a whole new meaning. Janice & Jodie had truly reconnected as a mother & daughter. She truly felt like a grown-up around her parents. Jodie truly had to grow-up overnight. Since she didn't have anyone close to her, Jodie turned to her mother for guidance. Through Janice, Jodie got over her fears of motherhood. As her due date crept up closer, Jodie's emotions began to get the best of her. She truly wasn't happy.

Through all of this, Jodie was trying to be as upbeat as possible but it wasn't easy. She was setting herself up for taking care of 2 people. While the first 8 months were a struggle, by the 9TH months, Jodie felt ready. By the end of it, Jodie was confident and more comfortable in her own skin. Her partying ways seemed like a long time ago. It was a COMPLETE TURNAROUND. Jodie & Cody were on the same page. REALIZING what was IMPORTANT! Jodie was READY and things were in place. The baby was due April 5. By the 10TH, nothing had happened. Jodie was DONE and READY to give birth. 30 minutes later and Jodie was still there. She was N.P.O. (nothing to eat/drink prior) ANYTHING Cody did immediately pissed Jodie off due to being in labor and waiting to be dilated. After walking a bit, Jodie finally began having contractions. After many hours later, Jodie wanted to be put out of her misery. After having an emergency C-Section, Cody choked under pressure and couldn't be there; Jodie was angry and sweaty.

On April 12, 2008, Jodie had her daughter; Zoie Laurelmae Herpin was born. Everything was well worth it once Jodie laid her eyes on her new daughter. Jodie was proud to be Zoie's mother. They were in this together. Doing whatever Jodie could to do be a good mother and always be there for her.

Things began as unsettling for new parents; Jodie & Cody. Learning day by day. After bringing Zoie home, she was great. During the day, Zoie was 100% Jodie's responsibility. Cody was practically useless. Making a meal once. That was about it. Every complaint he had; Jodie KNEW she could match his. He wanted a pat on the back for everything. All Jodie wanted was a chance to sit & rest for a minute. On top of caring for Zoie, Jodie was still in pain from the  C-Section. Jodie's pain & video games were Cody's source of entertainment. His video game habit wasn't cheap. They had no money for extras. EVERY penny Jodie had made in the past from Full House residuals and college speeches was SPENT with drugs; NOTHING was saved. By the time Zoie was born, they were broke. Being behind in bills and scraping to get by. They couldn't afford and had lost their health insurance. When a bill came in for medicals, the hole grew deeper. Any time money came in, bills were paid; paying off debts.

People Magazine approached for a photo and interview revealing the first baby photos. They needed the money and it was a win-win. Cody wanted Jodie to use her celebrity to make money. When the headlines came out, Jodie KNEW she had sold out. Jodie was mad & disappointed in herself for allowing this to happen. When/if Jodie made the money, Cody was sure to be the one who wanted to spend it. Looking good on the outside while life goes to hell on the inside. Using Jodie's bit of celebrity to gain status and bullshit. His next moneymaking scheme was to do reality TV. After seeing the success its done for others, Jodie went along with it. The more she thought about it; the more uncomfortable she felt. When Jodie questioned his intentions, he argued that it was to "help Jodie's career". He thought he could use Jodie's celebrity as a means to where he didn't have to work.  When the wheels were in motion for their reality show; Cody milked it for all it was worth. Cashing in to get free stuff.

Jodie's idea of parenting with Cody differed from her REALITY! The pressure & anxiety were building up. She needed a drink to take the pressure off. A month after giving birth to Zoie, Jodie had her first glass of wine. Cody's mom was watching Zoie, so it seemed harmless. That first drink reignited a strong craving. One she crossed that line, old habits returned. With a baby crying, bills to be paid, insurmountable debt. Nothing was helping Zoie's crying. Nothing worked! Jodie was losing her mind. Once again, Cody was no help. Then Jodie snapped. HAVING TO go to a friend's house to calm down. Jodie lost it when she got there. Her life was falling apart and she was filled with uncertainty. THIS was NOT how Jodie pictured a family. Once Cody took notice of Jodie's absence, he called her. When she got home, they got into a HUGE screaming match. Jodie had finally opened up about how she felt. (You can only hold something in for so long.) When the smoke cleared the next morning, they went on with their lives as if nothing ever happened. Cody briefly stepped up in his participation in helping with Zoie, but still no plans for employment.

In August 2008, Jodie went to North Carolina to film a movie called Port City. She felt great to be working again and really enjoyed her time on-set. Meanwhile, Cody was stirring the pot and things were going to hell fast. He had tasted a little celebrity in L.A. and he loved it. On her own, things got out of control with drugs & alcohol.

What began as drinking in her trailer, ended with doing lines of cocaine. A drug dealer's house was located in front of their trailer. It was the first & only time Jodie's used drugs since Zoie was born. Doing that first line, Jodie KNEW it was a mistake, but she did it anyway. Pushing everything through her veins and getting high. She did only a couple of lines so the high didn't last more than a couple of hours. Cody was angry when Jodie got home due to waiting for her until 3:00A. Jodie had come clean about the drinking; but never told him about the coke. She was more disappointed with herself. Jodie went back to L.A. with her head down and her relationship was on the rocks. Jodie KNEW she needed help. Once she was back home, Jodie was able to stay away from drugs. Drugs just weren't an option. Alcohol, however, was. Jodie had a SERIOUS problem. After acknowledging them, Jodie seen her alcohol abuse was out of control. She had to COMPLETELY CUT HERSELF OFF! PROMISING herself to never touch the shit again.  It was the first time she meant it. Doing what it took to take sobriety SERIOUSLY! Although sober and working the program, her bad relationship with Cody was still there.

As Jodie got into active recovery, she began making new friends and developing a life outside of her relationship with Cody. He felt left out. By Halloween, recovery had taken ahold of Jodie's life. This time, it was fun, simple & easy. As family time became a point, Jodie seen she wanted more. She needed her husband & family. She seen that Cody and his behavior were never going to change. Jodie's life in sobriety would be stunted due to her relationship with Cody. It was either Cody or sobriety. The more Cody wanted to watch over Jodie; the more she wanted to be away from him. He was creating an uncomfortable living environment and Jodie needed to get out. On November 18TH, Jodie left FOR GOOD after fighting over the same old thing once again. He was arguing that she wasn't taking Zoie with her. Throwing Jodie's drug history in her face. Jodie was horrified and called her attorney panicing. Stating if Jodie left, Cody could use it against her for Zoie. Jodie went back to the house. They were just orbiting around each other.

Cody went outside and Jodie readied herself for a recovery meeting. She had packed a bag for Zoie and herself. Jodie shared her plans with her mom. She put Zoie in her carseat, grabbed her dog and took off. Jodie seen Cody as she pulled out. He thought Jodie was going to a meeting when she REALLY left and went to Janice's. Jodie took her daughter and left Cody. The next day, Jodie filed the papers for separation. Deciding to be happy has been one of the HARDEST decision Jodie's ever had to make. Putting her and Zoie's happiness was a choice that was much tougher.

Jodie knew she made the RIGHT decision the second she left, but filing for divorce was just the first step. The fallout that followed reminds Jodie every day that it was the right decision. Her first divorce was simple and pleasant. The divorce from Cody was completely different. Cody was furious w/ her and he was going to do whatever it took to get back at Jodie for leaving him. Cody was clearly trying to create a public battle in the media over custody that Jodie tried to keep private. He was trying to make Jodie feel as heartbroken as he felt, so he ran to the media to stab her in the back. Thanks to Cody's actions, Jodie couldn't personally deal w/ this in private. The battle then moved into the courtroom. It was heartbreaking and incredibly stressful. Jodie made herself stay sober. Working hard on recovery as HARD as POSSIBLE! As well as FOCUSING on Zoie. Something as simple as just talking about her feelings, which Jodie's never done, kept her sane. Jodie opened up and let those emotions out. She had the right people around her to help through the hard times. Letting her guard down and opening herself to weakness. There was strength in it.

Jodie was focusing on the first step of recovery - admitting the problem and being powerless over it. Jodie began to TRULY UNDERSTAND that. The choice was hers to succumb to it. Maintaining sobriety the RIGHT way. Jodie's not perfect. There was an equally hard lesson to learn. In December, Jodie made one mistake while out with a few friends from a movie she made. While she KNEW it was wrong, there wasn't. It was something different. There wasn't anything in it for her anymore. It wasn't who Jodie was. An old life that didn't suit her anymore. Jodie was filled w/ EXTREME guilt & remorse. There was a bright spot. Taking a step back forward. While it was hard on her, Jodie had to restart sobriety from the top. The experience was something she was GRATEFUL for. When Jodie was back in L.A., she was back in court fighting for custody of Zoie. The right to be a mother. Cody had put Jodie's past into question and the judge ordered an emergency investigation into her life to determine whether Jodie was an unfit mother. This was right after she had slipped up. Jodie was HONEST and it was proven that she was not a danger to Zoie. She was however ordered not to take Zoie anywhere without her parents for the time being. Living with her parents was a good thing. Jodie needed it to become stronger. Jodie needed their love and support; plus they had additional time with their granddaughter.

While it was frustrating that a judge wanted Jodie supervised, she was willing to do whatever it took to prove herself to take care of Zoie. DOING WHATEVER IT TOOK! Through all of this, Jodie had a great support system. She can release whatever she needed. Recovery is a tough road, but this time Jodie is committed. She may have fallen at times, but she always gets up. Jodie knows what she needs to do and she's making things happen. There is only one love of her life and that's Zoie. She is the light at the end of the tunnel. Being Zoie's mom is Jodie's saving grace. When Jodie & Zoie are together; they're in Zoieland. (For those of you with kids, you know what that means.) A world of just the 2 of them. The responsibilities began the day Zoie was born but it took time for Jodie to grow into being a parent. Coming into her own as a mother as her maternal instincts kicked in & took over. Jodie talked to and treated Zoie like a person from the beginning. Zoie is Jodie's greatest accomplishment. Zoie is Jodie's greatest & best high. Giving Jodie a sense of purpose. Happiness isn't about the events going on in life; it's about how you handle them. Jodie is finally getting that.



Since this book's publication . . . . .


Although the couple had plans to star in a reality show about their life and family,  Jodie & Cody split up seven months later. Jodie had her second child, Beatrix, with her third husband, Morty Coyle. They married in March 2012, but had broken up when Jodie had announced that she was separating from him in June 2013.

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