The Best Thing About My Ass Is That It's Behind Me. . .

This next book was written by someone that is a GENUINE Bad-Ass CLASSIC Lady. While some may forget who she is and what she's done. . .I never did. That one friend you didn't know you NEEDED. Stories from her own life. Owning them and moving on. This is the story from learning the HARD way. In only a way she can, this is the REAL story of actress, comedienne and ALL AROUND Bad-Ass ORIGINAL; Lisa Ann Walter.

At the age of 8, Lisa Ann learned how easy it was to be/get duped and gyp'd. With the help of Easy-Bake Oven and Skinny Bitch Barbie; Lisa Ann adored the doll. She presumed that would be her when she was older. Lisa Ann liked her Barbie; but she loved her Easy Bake Oven. Those 2 toys would become the catalyst of her life. The Easy Bake gave Lisa Ann the cooking bug. A lifelong foodie from there. That toy gave Lisa Ann the power to create what she wanted. By 13, Lisa Ann was in control for cooking ALL holiday family dinners. After her parents divorce and no one took an interest, Lisa Ann did at 13. Working both sides of the aisle using recipes from both parents. We are all subjected to genetic dispositions. Lisa Ann being Italian! When love is food and food is love. Italians don't miss an opportunity  to connect food with 3 things.

- Family

- Celebrations

 - God

The first time Lisa Ann cooked for her Jewish former in-laws, she prepared for a week for the meal, They ate it in 20 minutes and Lisa Ann's ex-mother--n-law jumped in to begin cleaning in post-feast. Lisa Ann thought they hated it. Turns out it was accustomed to their enjoyment. Lisa Ann was NEW and didn't know. She wasn't used to it. You cannot fight a  "need to feed". When Lisa Ann lost 40 LBS at the age of 13 and looked "normal", she was full after the first course. Her grandmother, who is Sicilian, began crying. And the family force-fed Lisa to calm down her grandmother. Italian mothers are like food pushers. They get you hooked on the entryway dishes. You belong to the family. You'll want their food to rest in your life that high.

All of the kids in the neighborhood were growing up without fathers due to divorce sweeping the nation. Overnight; men/fathers had a different perspective. Lisa Ann's mom had suffered a lot that year. Losing a mother to Leukemia, and losing her husband to abandonment 6 months later. On the night that Lisa Ann's dad lived at home, she and her sisters heard their mom scream something about killing herself and heard a scuffle. They make their way down a hill and to the kitchen in time to see a butcher knife high above herself; ready to plunge it into the heart. Then Lisa's dad knocked her down and the knife out of her hand. To say it was terrifying is an understatement. He left that night to an apartment he previously rented. The next day he picked up Lisa Ann and her sister at school and took them to McDonald's and bought them fries. And cried. Both were singular events in their lives. Picked up, middle of the day. . . by their dad. .  .and he cried. The french fries were a bonus with what preceded them.

He then dropped Lisa Ann and her sisters off at home where their mom answered the door with huge, puffy eyes - one of them black. Lisa Ann knew the back-and-forth routine with her dad. Lisa Ann KNEW he was leaving. Her mom thought it was only temporary; but Lisa KNEW it was permanent. She was 9. Her mom became too damaged to function for the next few years. Lisa's mom was truly down-on-her-luck. She didn't know how to be without a guy. Lisa Ann's mom was fucked over by men, yet didn't know how to live without one. As things got worse for her emotionally, Lisa's mom began to binge-drink. A few time she would wake the kids up in the middle of the night to sweep the entirety of their dresser tops on to the floor in a crash while YELLING of the cleanliness of the house and yank them out of bed to clean up the mess. This was NOT the mom that Lisa Ann knew and loved. She KNEW her mom was in trouble. 

Life became hell in-of-itself for Lisa Ann due to a cycle of school and the playground and her size as a child. A home life where Lisa could run free from her mom and her own life's drama. After all, Lisa Ann and her sister had to hear it enough. They won't get relief from their mom's ranting when she goes out on dates. Lisa Ann was raised verbatim on the entire Carol Burnette sketches. Lisa Ann was trained in comedy by these shows. Learning she could be funny, Lisa Ann thought she could stop or evade her mom's rages. So, in other words, a coping mechanism inspired by her career choice. The universe gives you stuff. . Not all in a pretty package. Lisa Ann's package was family and comic timing.

Lisa Ann's dad first seen a problem with his daughter at home. He seen there was something wrong with the way she looked and took her to her first Weight Watchers meeting. Lisa Ann didn't notice at first, but it was noticeably real quick when she was out front of the place. It became clear that her dad saw something his little girl didn't. After hundreds of times of hearing from her mom, Lisa Ann finally put the WW plan into motion. After hearing it from her dad, Lisa Ann learned she would not be the one who was left for size. Her dad took Lisa Ann. Not her sister, Laura. Just Lisa Ann. And paid special attention to her. She mentioned the attention from her dad as a motive to lose weight.He tried to help her due to being in her shoes at the same age/weight. It wasn't until she was THERE at the location of the WW, NOW she was seeing why she was getting special attention from her dad in the middle of the week. Listening to her dance of songs in the car, he could've told her of appointments and lied. Lisa Ann would've been cool. So, she took the incentive of her father's love to lose weight. Give her attention just as she was funny. Or the attention her father gave his new wife. Get them and they are beautiful as well. Lisa Ann began to truly believe her mom was right. She could diet herself into her dad and other men wanted. And thus a comic is born! So, when they pulled into the parking lot onto the site of WW, Lisa Ann's dad trickingly rushed her to a meeting and they left her there until it was over.

Lisa Ann stuck to the meetings and information like glue. The following time Lisa stuck to it, she lost weight and gained praise. Lisa Ann's 12-yr-old brain swam in the successes of weight loss, the paternal attention. . .and now anonymous masses. It was Lisa Ann's first go at stand-up. She was able to have grown-up approval, laughing and applauding her. Lisa Ann felt like a pre-teen Rhoda Morganstern. Still she lost weight. Lisa Ann lost 40 LBS. at Weight Watchers in-between 7TH & 8TH grade. She came back with a pre-teen body and a whole lot of male attention. 

College is the place we begin to define ourselves. We stop being someone's child and start meaningfully being responsible for our own damage to ourselves. It's both liberating and scary. It's the birthplace of both freedoms .  and bad habits. Lisa Ann went to THE Catholic University Of America. A college she chose due to their drama department. . . or so it said. When Lisa Ann got there, females outweighed their counterparts. So, what did they learn? The CLASSICS from Greek-to-Shakespeare. What they ALL had in common were an all male cast. 20 pacts for men-to-every females. . .henceforth cross-dressing. Without the full occupancy of the acting thing, Lisa Ann had plenty of time to explore other locations. The Dining Hall where Lisa Ann and everyone else indulged. Suddenly, Lisa Ann's designer jeans were harder-to-zip. Moderation was never Lisa Ann's strong suit. She lived excessively in college. Then something happened. . . The on-set of what would become an eating disorder of bulimia. Notice how women are giving "do/have-it-all" speeches? But, not men? Pretending like fucktard guy's sexual fantasy just to please him is fucking stupid. College is to free and young; but don't be a fucktard to some dumbass guy.

Lisa Ann met her first husband, Sam, during a stage production of A Streetcar Named Desire after graduating college. Sam was Stanley and Lisa Ann was Stella. There were no expectations to/outside the play. From waiting tables on Cape Cod and living together, then moving to Jersey so they could both "make it" in New York City. What happens in time happens . . .Lisa is pregnant. Lisa Ann had to grow up quick. The whole process was a shock. You can prep all you want during your pregnancy. . .until it's time! Lisa Ann was incredibly happy. . . with Demerol as a helper. Lisa Ann was poor, married, and a mom within a year of becoming an adult. They moved from a studio-ish apartment in downtown Jersey City with a rooftop and a lanai view of the Hudson River to the suburb of Summit, New Jersey.

Lisa Ann spent the days pushing her baby, Jordan, is his stroller up to "town" being a mom and running errands. . . bossing up! post C-Section.. Lisa Ann was coming home from running errands, getting out of breath going up hills due to the anesthesia; Lisa Ann's stomach HURT! She was still 2 blocks from home. She was huffing/puffing when she was vehicularly verbally assaulted and laughed at. It took Lisa Ann awhile for her brain to catch up to what happened.  

Lisa Ann was stop-tracked, red-faced and stunned. She had gotten used to using overtly sexuality, humor, and bravado to mask hurt. She spent years comparing her worth to avoid nasty judgment by staving herself into contemptment. What do they say differs from what I say about myself? College crowds were never Lisa Ann's favorite due to their stupidity and they're spoiled. Lisa Ann had to grow up quick and college kids are assholes. A career that was launched with a Showtime At The Apollo gig 6 months after her first gig where she turned a "BOOED" around upside down with a humorous smart-ass remark. She only used serious heckling infractions as a rule for a last resort. You can only take so much until it blows up! A release of pent-up responses to humiliation from years of teasing, mean-spirited criticism disguised as good-natured ribbing. Not regretting it one bit was the start of the groundswell movement.

Lisa Ann and Sam would wait tables well into her stand-up career. Trading off parental shifts and jobs. They did this until they could afford NOT to. No big deal. Working 3 jobs; plus a show was what she had done since she was 16. So life continued to run with errands, waitressing, nursing, self-loathing, cancer-stagnant - an endless run for 6 months or so. Lisa Ann "happened" to read by reaching the top shelf  to the back closet and rifled through boxes 'til she found why she loved him MORE than he loved her in his journal. While her ex was thrilled to be a dad; Life among himself was struggling with his own sexual identity. Which Lisa Ann promptly confronted him with and he utterly denied. A decent marriage for a bit of years, although it was obvious that he had loved their children without condition or restraint - Lisa Ann felt less like a mate and more of a mother. Lisa Ann HATES being the boss in the relationship. This wasn't even Lisa Ann's first foray into gay. She lost her virginity to a man who turned out to be gay, but didn't know it at the time. . .neither did he. Lisa Ann was 17 and just didn't understand.

Even with the loss of a great guy that Lisa Ann lost her virginity to, she is completely supportive of the same guy and is still great friends with. Lisa Ann fell in love with her first husband in the parking lot of the theater one night of rehearsals for Streetcar. Lisa Ann was way smitten and thought he was talented, cute & sexy. They had great road trips up/down the East Coast and started a family much, much earlier than others. If it wasn't for Sam, Lisa Ann wouldn't have a career. He believed in her and pushed her when she didn't believe in herself and became her manager. Lisa Ann was NEVER angry at her ex. She could finally integrate what she read in his journal to how she partly felt loved by him. It was becoming sensically clear. She wasn't angry. . .how could she be?

Lisa Ann stayed with Sam for a long time after he came out to her. She feared the mental welfare of her kids repeating the parental pattern with Lisa Ann being a child of divorce. She finally moved out after 2 years of separate sleeping quarters. Because Whoopi Goldberg said she should. That's NOT a bullshit lie. They did Lisa Ann's first big studio movie together - Eddie and got to know one another and their lives on/off the screen together. Whoopi was straight up with Lisa and told her the truth, Lisa Ann took what Whoopi said at face value and moved out. Whoopi nursed her back from the last heartbreak. Lisa Ann called her, crying hysterically. Whoopi told Lisa Ann to drive straight to her. She did. Whoopi fed her. They went to a spinning class and listened to Whitney Houston's It's Not Right...But It's Okay. Lisa Ann would be that friend for Whoopi to help bury a body. 

Lisa Ann had a great time being a mom actually. They were the only couple with a child. She had nothing to compare it to. She and her kids were fun for everyone and she took them everywhere. They included the kids and it enhanced the fun. She would take Jordan into the city and meet Sam in the city and the 3 of them would take a showcase production one of their friends in and watch it with the baby right there with them. Jordan wasn't a noisemaker. He was pretty convenient. They can also run/jump for you when the next one comes. One thing is that NO MATTER how good you are as a parent; you fail somewhere. Even though you love the fuck out of your kids, they don't come with a snooze button. Lisa Ann raised her kids and didn't let the spoils of L.A.ruin them. Lisa Ann didn't know of a "push present" until a girlfriend of hers informed her that something like that existed. She then looks at Sam, in a pissed off way...Where's Mine?

Lisa Ann can handle shit in the morning. She can handle and be the best little suburban mom in the morning. At dinnertime, it's a whole 'nother  story. Angels in the day. . .devils in the evening. No one ever tells you of the half-ass shit it takes from all activity to another to have it all done. They don't tell you of the nitty-gritty shit-climbing stuff you do for your kids' happiness. Every time you let one of your children down, your heart dies. Because the main thing that you're not prepped for is how much you fucking love them. The minute she held Jordan, it was all worth it. From the moment Lisa Ann sang The Beatles' Blackbird to him. . Lisa Ann found out how much she could feel. You're never prepared for how much you love them. Lots of fun surprises. 

Now, Lisa Ann has 4 kids. She had 2 with the first husband. Now, you even out the score to prevent jealousy among exes. (Men Math!) The twins are like the energy of 10x. They're nuts. In payback, if you're going to embarrass your kids in public any/at all, go all the way. As parents, as our children get older, it's part of our jobs to just embarrass the shit out of them. Lisa Ann is not just a mother. She's an SUV hair blowing in the wind-music with kids blaring out the window kind of mom. Unbeknownst to Lisa, you're not allowed to dance in front of your teenage children. Especially, if their friends come over.

When Lisa Ann was a kid, she was never thrown a bone for being funny. It got her in trouble a lot. Lisa Ann memorized every line of "blue" comedy albums by LEGENDARY ICONS from George Carlin and Richard Pryor. Lisa Ann would repeat the filthiest parts to her mom and the divorce and her mom's resignation from Catholicism. By the time Lisa Ann got to high school, it was apparent that funny meant "laughing like dumbass girl for a guy". So, every morning before school, while sneakingly hiding her trampy shirts under school clothes from her mother, whom was known to claim some of her daughter's clothes from trips to the laundry. Finally, Lisa Ann was wise enough to hand wash her "delicates". She would try to act the part she wanted to pull off but would blow it by a 2ND period.

After moving to New York for stage work, Lisa Ann learned that casting directors generally don't come to your apartment and invite you to have an acting career. Since she was convinced that she'd never get a job through auditioning until losing 20LBS. . .which never happened. . .Lisa Ann was talked into trying stand-up comedy by some of her best friends from college. Given Lisa Ann's talent for being loved and obnoxious would be brilliant! Since she already gave birth before, stand-up comedy would be easy. Lisa Ann's friends' set her up with a performance date and Lisa Ann could NOT backout/cancel. Her friend went with her first open mic and forced her to get her ass onstage. There was no one to make Lisa Ann say/do anything that she didn't say to herself or wasn't already said. That way, you can improve by putting yourself in the act. Lisa Ann got noticed. It got her tons of work. She went from a 6-minute set from writing material and performing it at house parties for the better part of a year to performing around Manhattan. The first 6 minutes became 22 minutes because Lisa Ann killed it. Lisa Ann realized she was truly gifted and good at it. She was in the middle of sets between people  within 4 months and a national spotlight on Showtime At The Apollo. enjoyed making people laugh. She is extremely smart and picked up how to work a set, where to add tags, crafty callbacks. . .the mile of 3 in comedy law! She dressed as she would normally dress, and Lisa Ann rocked it. She was different because what a guy decked out. . .she gave back right at them. (Just being one of the guys.) The bullshit she received by men fueled her comedy. While Lisa Ann was a guy's gal, it sucks to get hit on by men who think it's complimentary to be an asshole. It's more funny when you can turn the crowd on the asshole. Men see themselves as the ONLY judges who dictate what's funny. What do Men know? They're fucking moron idiots.

When Lisa Ann was working at the clubs, no matter what she did, there was no foot in the door. . .even though a woman was there in company, Sherry Lansing. The stories that they tired and worn out. Funny? NO! Lisa Ann continued to be her brand of funny. She NEVER traded sex for comedy. She was already rebooked.

Lisa Ann's career has become one to remember. She tends to connect the memorable moments of her career with the friends she's made, and kept during that particular film. Some jobs wanted Lisa Ann to be of a certain weight. . .Whether it's up/down. Lisa Ann's very first job came as a result of a few stand-ups that had TV shows built around their "voice". Since the basis of Lisa Ann's act as the basis of her life - that of a harried and stressed working mother who balanced career, family, relationships - Lisa Ann was tapping and reflecting multiple women in America. Women like Lisa Ann and Leah Marie Remini that are a RELATABLE girlfriend. Lisa Ann remembers when the gifted and good friend Margaret Cho were in talks of an ABC pilot; but had to back out due to the network wanting to change her image. Why would networks change what they want? Why call you if you're not right for your image? But, in the meantime, lots of attention and money were being thrown at Lisa Ann for being cute. Lisa Ann got her first in a series of trainers who got fresh -  some doughnuts to the point of molestation. Lisa Ann doesn't have a great track record with trainers and she'll just stick to dancing or something more rhythmic anyway.  

Lisa Ann did her first feature film in the Whoopi Goldberg basketball movie; Eddie; she was the funny over-the-top slutty friend. Lisa Ann didn't care for the role she had. The part was similar to the fat, funny friend. As long as Whoopi was there with her with her Whoopi way. From this film, Lisa Ann shared stories from those whom would have an effect on her.

From that, it led to, what I personally will and forever love Lisa Ann for,  the ABC short-lived sitcom Life's Work, which ran for 1 pretty damn good season. It followed Roseanne during her final season in the 90s. With Roseanne in the lead, it was what inspired Lisa Ann to do that type of program. They had great ratings. #1 in their time slot. Especially since she had her co-creator, Warren Bell. This was a very painful & intense  time for Lisa Ann. This was the year that her husband came out of the closet to her. With the whirlwind of what happened, Lisa Ann's LIFE drama surrounded her experience with success. She sabotaged herself with excessive drinking. Lisa Ann was self-medicating her fears - and what they would do with production TV at the time in those days. So surely, Lisa Ann was not operating at her high-best level. And now, she truly regrets not getting to enjoy the experience as she should. It was during the production of The Parent Trap that Lisa Ann had just quit drinking a few months prior and discovered Marie Callender pies.

The Parent Trap is probably the character, Chessie, and the movie that Lisa Ann is BEST KNOWN for.  (Although I personally have loved Lisa Ann since Life's Work.) The Parent Trap. She is forever grateful for that movie. Elaine Hendrix, whom played the mean girlfriend, Meredith, sparked what would become a GENUINE lifelong friendship. She is still friends with Simon Kuntz, whom played Martin the butler, whom is still a good friend. Natasha Richardson was a TRUE GENUINE CLASSIC of a LADY! Dennis Quaid was TRULY loving and supportive. Nancy Myers was a TRULY GREAT director. Lisa Ann was convinced she lost her lust for comedic chops. Dennis came over to her armchair. Lisa Ann was ASSURED that she was GREAT with a great positive talk/outlook. There would be times when Lisa Ann would just feel HORRIBLE about herself and life in general. From where she is to where she was was an exhausting road and it showed.

Lisa Ann wound up feeling a lot happier in this wardrobe than any production at this point. Lisa wanted to write Whoopi and tell her that she was right about the Birkenstocks. They were freeing. It was truly freeing to dress and be comfy without trying to overcompensate. But, getting to that point wasn't easy. One day when Lisa Ann was tired in her trailer at 7:00A, she was getting bitched at by production. Lisa Ann was staring at herself in her makeup mirror, teary-eyed and self-loathing. Dennis Farina had come up behind her. Lisa Ann didn't know it. Unbeknownst to her, Dennis was very aware of Lisa Ann's state of being. He put his arms around from behind, looked over her shoulder into the mirror in front of them and gave her the MOST COMFORTING words Lisa Ann could hear in that moment right then. You have NO IDEA what Dennis did/said that completely lifted her spirits up. Lisa Ann would catch a charge and kill for that man, Dennis. The cast and executives behind the show were one of the most loving, supportive and fun groups she ever had the pleasure of working with. Not only did Lisa Ann work with a good friend, Sherri Shepard, everyone else became like family. From the top - Linda Bloodworth-Thompson and her husband, Harry - down to the staff of actors.

Sherri and Lisa Ann go WAY BACK. She first met Sherri when Lisa Ann was the MC for a big gala show for a charity event.  It was Lisa's 3RD year. She loved going and had a bunch of friends there. It was there that Lisa Ann met her 2ND husband; the twins' dad. The man who was behind the "perfect storm" that ULTIMATELY led to Lisa Ann having had ENOUGH. That was the catalyst behind Dance Your Ass Off. So, give your thanks to him! Lisa Ann wasn't born a bitch. Men have made her this way. . .so fuck them! Lisa Ann hosted the event, showcasing unknown comics at the time. Sherri Shepard being one of them and full of sass, lighthearted and self-depricating humor. Lisa Ann advised her immediately. They continued their friendship throughout the years; talking on the phone and seeing each other at comedy gigs. Lisa Ann has had the great fortune of working with the BEST that had GREAT attitudes.

Lisa Ann knew what she needed to do to healthfully take care of herself. She just didn't do it. She was being a blowhard about it. Sherri would ask Lisa Ann of her weight regiment. She told her she just didn't eat. Lisa Ann told Sherri the truth . . .but not the truth. To show Sherri a true appetite for Lisa Ann; she took her through a tour of Little Italy and Chinatown, then they tried to walk back to their hotel. She told Sherri that the way Lisa Ann made the working mom/cooking healthy they happen was to cook all that was good-for-her stuff on Sunday night and put in plastic containers to be ready for the week. So that neither of them starved. This led to various trips to Costco. What you see with Sherri is exactly what you get. They had a BLAST marauding their way through the aisles at the store. Causing trouble and knocking shit completely over. Lisa Ann taught Sherri how to shop properly with money. After laying things out from the store, Lisa Ann then proceeded with cooking. Asian chicken with vegetables, oatmeal breakfast cookies, brown rice, steak salad with a meatloaf - while Sherri sat at the island in Lisa Ann's kitchen. Played with her kids, gossiped and hung out with Lisa Ann and her friends. Sherri then took the food and the containers home. Lisa Ann was taken care of previously from Sherri's during a deep depression that Lisa Ann was going through.   

The most weight Lisa Ann put on outside of pregnancy was in the film; Shall We Dance. She was asked to gain weight.  Lisa Ann was so excited to be cast in that movie. She auditioned the month before. They stalked her agent for weeks. The audition went well though it was made worse due to Lisa Ann being against the type that the director wanted. On top of that, it was HOT & sweaty. Lisa Ann was getting yelled at the entire way there to the audition by her ex-husband.  

Lisa Ann did a fine job with the material, held everyone up for their audition due to being asked to do it a few more times; makes a great address to the director. After impressing her ass off at the audition, Lisa Ann got back in the car with her ex, the twins, got yelled at for the rest of the afternoon, went back home and got into bed  to fight off a husband-inducing migraine. The next morning, the phone rang, so much that she had to finally answer it. Lisa Ann got a call back. She needed 20 minutes to get herself ready. After he arrived and waited for an hour, Miramax had seen Lisa Ann's tape. She was a front runner and had to go to a dance callback the following day. She was warned she might wuss out. Lisa Ann didn't care. . .she hasn't taken a ballroom class  since she taught them when she was 17. She was going to spend the weekend studying 6-7 hours a day/Monday-Friday. Lisa Ann nailed it with a smile on her face. Lisa Ann was told months later, when she was practicing and on a dance hold, it looked like she was having the time of her life dancing for the audition. Richard Gere was looking at her tapes, and saw Lisa Ann 's big cheesy smile. He KNEW she was the one for the part.

Lisa Ann had to eat over 10,000 calories to maintain the weight due to multiple hours of dance rehearsals a day. She had to get over her natural inclination to feel like a bad, guilty person. It was the role of her lifetime - meeting wonderful people who are still her friends while doing it. Tony Dovolani and others prior to their Dancing With The Stars success. Lisa Ann just had to get good enough to not depend on Richard Gere. Richard was exceptional. He took care of Lisa Ann in so many ways, including shoeing off the press crew that happened to be there the day they shot the scene where Lisa Ann's shirt was ripped off during the competition. Lisa Ann went back one and Richard saw Lisa Ann and asked if she was okay. Richard Gere took care of the situation and alleviated Lisa Ann of the crying body trauma. From that, Lisa Ann would forever love and kill for that man. Lisa Ann had an incredible and unbelievably thrilling creative experience that her husband was ruining. Years later, when Lisa Ann confronted him, he wanted to know how she knew. He accustomed to blameshift her due to her working dalliance with Tony Dovolani from Dancing. Lisa Ann assured him of what goes in/on with the dancing process and what it took emotionally to make it work for TV. Nothing happened outside of a professional relationship with Lisa Ann & Tony. . .but she wished it had. When it came to her ex. . .the quote of "those whom protest too much. . .but in another direction."  

Lisa Ann got both jobs from Nip/Tuck and Drillbit Taylor due to the porn blonde hair extensions slut-do and mom-o-rexic divorce revenge figure. Lisa Ann KNEW her looks got her those jobs. Although the jobs were off from the aforementioned ways Lisa Ann  was perceived to be on-screen. The challenge of putting on weight for a movie - especially when you're not as famous as others, is that this particular business tries to pigeonhole you. Once Lisa Ann was thin, she was called in to be "ingenious fat funny friend" and was too skinny for that!  Nancy Meyers called Lisa Ann in to play one of Mel Gibson's secretaries in her movie; What Women Want, and she had just gotten done with starving herself and exercising herself into a size 2 for pilot season. Lisa Ann was to read for the part several times, then another part and another. Finally, Lisa Ann was able to read for the part of the psychiatrist -  a part that went to the LEGENDARY Bette Midler. 

While Lisa Ann was auditioning, a picture of her was held up from The Parent Trap era and THAT was what they wanted! Meant as a complete compliment, but Lisa Ann was just unemployed. It really was just a question of staying viable long enough to get so old that they don't connect with what they've known. If you're too old for the image of sex. . .then it doesn't matter.  Through it all, Lisa Ann has been lucky enough to make lifelong friends all of whom have eaten holiday meals at her house due to the dicey relationships most actors have with their families anyway. That is why they became actors. Damage. Why go to a restaurant when you can have Lisa Ann's home cooking? She's got kids. She's already cooking. . .so what the hell? Friends from high school all the way to co-stars she's worked with TODAY!

When Lisa Ann was a teenager, she never felt threatened by having gorgeous friends. She was the short, curvy girl flanked by a gang of supermodel-looking high school juniors. Lisa Ann didn't care. Because he danced all night. Some of her friends are ones she talks to every day, lived at her house after break-ups and came to family events/holidays. Like Elaine Hendrix from The Parent Trap. They met on their first day on location and talked for 3 hours straight during their first dinner. Which spilled into hanging in her room afterwards, taking fun photos while bored on-set - which led to co-writing a movie and a true lifelong friendship where they shared their lives. Lisa Ann has had various, multiple friends, many of whom have enjoyed stardom, male (and female) adoration, spreads in various magazines. All struggles within friendships all have the momentum of standing in the mirror and FACING the people we are. 

In the end, Lisa Ann said it herself. . ."I'm not a celebrity. . .I'm Celebrity Adjacent."  Lisa Ann Walter took time from her successes and raised her children. Once she was able to return to work, in 2021, Lisa Ann was able to successfully return with the ABC sitcom Abbott Elementary with Lisa Ann as no-nonsense say-it-like-you-mean-it ball-buster Melissa Schemmetti. (While this show is a COMPLETE success from Executive Producer/Creator, Quinta Brunson....let's face it; Lisa Ann Walter is what makes this show the HIT that it is...so thank you to Quinta and especially Lisa Ann Walter herself.)   

This video of Lisa Ann is EXACTLY what made me LOVE her. Why I wanted to read her book.

 What I couldn't describe in this video... Lisa Ann did it for me.